Venting Being a NEET in a toxic environment is hell

[drownll]

I prefer the days where i was living alone in an illegally rented rat cage, snorting speed everyday, not eating for days.
I just can't stand it anymore. I didn't imagined it would be this bad, it's a fucking nightmare. I have 0 money, 0 friends, no room (i sleep in the living room), i fucking can't stand my sisters, one is a bipolar the other is just a mean bitch, can't sleep at night i get woken up they have no respect for me.

At 23 yo it's just miserable to live like that, i can't.

I was planning to go to the marine but i haven't even completed the application file yet. I have to train but i don't even have the motivation to go out. Now that we're in summer it's even worse the heat makes everything worse.

God i wish i had N...
I'm on the verge of ctb, only thing restraining me from doing it right now is my mom. I love her she's the only person i love in this world. She has always helped me without asking anything in return, and she's the only mentally normal person in the family.
It's true that i'm suicidal but compared to my sisters i seem normal. I'm very easygoing, i always clean up, i respect the space of others, i'm never loud etc... What did i do to live like that?

 

[ChronicPain23]

I have been NEET since 2018 and I think it's not worth it for so long, I'm in such a morass that only medication helps me somehow to continue living, no plans, no goals, no money.
I lie around all day and don't want to live, I should have gone to work a long time ago.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really horrible suffering like that, I do understand that it's awful and tiring feeling trapped in an situation you hate, I wish that it's easier to permanently escape from this existence.