Been trying to 'recover' but I don't see the point...

[opiated]

This is my first post here. Hello everybody. So I'm a 'recovering' heroin addict.. I've been clean almost 2 months now. But I just don't know if I really want to continue with life at this point. My wife of 10 years won't answer my phone calls. We've been living separately for about 6 months now because we were going to save up for a place together after moving back to Michigan from Las Vegas. But we both got addicted to H and I got into it with her step dad which caused me to move in with my grandpa until we could afford a place together.. But now after getting into a methadone clinic and getting off the H, she's still addicted and it's my fault honestly. My family doesn't trust me anymore. I used to have a great job on the family business but I don't have a car anymore to be able to work. I'm in at least $20k of debt and to to it off I was stopped by police and illegally searched and charged with a crime, and am currently GPS tether after spending a month in jail. I'm highly considering picking up a gram and shooting up the whole thing, and nodding off for the last time ever... I feel like that would be the most enjoyable and least painful way to go. Just lose consciousness and stop breathing. And never have to worry about anything ever again. I just don't want to deal with all these problems anymore. I feel like non existence would be such bliss at this point, compared to constant stress, anxiety, sadness, guilt, etc...
Or I could just take the quick route.. I'm eyeing my 357 revolver. But I'm just thinking of the trauma that my dad and Grandpa will go through seeing my brains outside my head. Maybe I should do it outside so I don't get blood and brain all over the walls and floor or bed? Idk it just seems like such an awful thing to do but I honestly can't stand existing anymore...