Venting Bad childhood memories

[Final Escape]

I've had many a doing from the father, when I was maybe ten he pulled my pants down, put me over his knee and beat me with a leather strap about four inches wide. I had been caught stealing sweets from a shop.
Many a time he would bang our heads together, give us back handed slaps on the face etc.
When the fucker died I pissed all over his hat a few times, no one knew except one of my brothers. It was on top of his coffin when they wheeled it into the crematorium, me and my brother laughed, the funeral service was quite funny as my oldest brother did the speech. His finishing words were "to quote that great Hollywood icon, Buzz Light Year, to infinity and beyond"

I wish I had a copy of that speech as it's comedy gold.

That's great! He had it coming though.

 

[your pathologist]

Perhaps my memories count

My father was a drunk
He beat the shit out of every dog we had
Killed 3 of them
Just like
Why

And I didnt need to remember it vividly as an 9yr old come on

 

[Final Escape]

Perhaps my memories count

My father was a drunk
He beat the shit out of every dog we had
Killed 3 of them
Just like
Why

And I didnt need to remember it vividly as an 9yr old come on

Jeez our parents lol! Who are these people and were they satans spawn or something?

 

[HelensNepenthe]

There are multiple recordings I have saved on my phone that I would love to echo when I CBT. My dad is verbally abusive towards me and when he talks about us he always comments our we're the ones dysfunctional. My mom has told me I should have been aborted and went into great detail that the previous children she had were aborted. It was my "dad's saving grace" to keep me alive.

My dad has put his hands on me. He's choked me. He's had his hands around my neck before pinned up against a wall. They've abused our dogs (but comment saying it was necessary). The fighting between my mom and dad gets intense. Way to much verbal abuse. I just don't talk anymore because of it. Anything that I say just upsets them and they get aggressive towards me.

 

[waived]

My adoptive mom was verbally and physically abusive which got increasingly worse. I was led to believe that it was normal and that It was my fault that she was just frustrated and that I was just a frustrating kid. I often cried myself to sleep wishing I could be in another family even if it had problems and that I had siblings to run away with. It was the darkest most unintelligible and un-human experiencing of another person I have ever felt. The incoherent anger and screaming would last for hours and I still have problems with certain loud sounds.

She wasn't particularly young but she told me once while laying oddly on her bed and scream-sobbing like an actual kid, and as if I was an adult, that if I talked to a school counselor ever again that bad things would happen to her and that she didn't know what she would do but she knew that she wouldn't let them take me away from her. I wasn't in my teens I was a child at the time. I recall noting the time as being early in the evening just after school around 4pm and feeling cold and sick because I knew how much time was left in the night.

 

[Final Escape]

This is horrible, Final. You aren't a whore.

You don't owe your Mother anything if she is still alive and breathing—be assured of that.

Thank u Smilla

 

[TAW122]

Yes, when my father was an abusive prick both physically and emotionally. He was the breadwinner of the family and he kept our family together. Basically, my parents were immigrants to the US from East Asia. My father had quite a temper and even my mother who was submissive during the time I was growing up, did not want to piss him off. As a kid, I was a bit of a troubled kid, I got into trouble, mischief, and stuff. My father of course instilled corporal punishment as well as threats of serious harm if I misbehaved more. He is also very authoritarian and controlling. He wouldn't let me enjoy the things most other kids did, and it was like 40% physical abuse 60% emotional abuse until I was in my teens, which then it was about 10-20% physical abuse and the rest emotional abuse. He believed that it was for my own good that I would become a productive, successful person grown up.

All of that fell short (except for earning my degrees). As a 28 year old, I'm a failure by societal standard's, by family standards (not that I give a shit anymore of either), and basically my life is FUBAR (I have various topics explaining my situation - so I won't go on in detail here). I'm just waiting until the day that I burnt all my bridges, at the last legs, no where to run/hide, and then I'll finally end myself (shoot myself in the head; hopefully wreck my brainstem and/or die from shock+blood loss). I don't give a shit if that traumatizes my family, the people around me, and what not because as xnoneofyourbusinessx once said, it is society's fault for not legalizing voluntary euthanasia for everyone thus forcing some people to resort to such barbaric and violent means to suicide. After all, while vengeance and getting even isn't my primary objective (my primary is just ending this pain and saving myself a lot of regret and wasted time down the road), it is a by-product (as well as a secondary objective) of my desperation in my situation.

There are so many more bad and shitty childhood memories, but I could write short book with all the shit I've endured during my childhood until adulthood (and even nowadays life is a joke, things aren't better, people still suck, and I'm done trying to fight a battle that is futile - though that's another topic altogether).

 

[Final Escape]

Yes, when my father was an abusive prick both physically and emotionally. He was the breadwinner of the family and he kept our family together. Basically, my parents were immigrants to the US from East Asia. My father had quite a temper and even my mother who was submissive during the time I was growing up, did not want to piss him off. As a kid, I was a bit of a troubled kid, I got into trouble, mischief, and stuff. My father of course instilled corporal punishment as well as threats of serious harm if I misbehaved more. He is also very authoritarian and controlling. He wouldn't let me enjoy the things most other kids did, and it was like 40% physical abuse 60% emotional abuse until I was in my teens, which then it was about 10-20% physical abuse and the rest emotional abuse. He believed that it was for my own good that I would become a productive, successful person grown up.

All of that fell short (except for earning my degrees). As a 28 year old, I'm a failure by societal standard's, by family standards (not that I give a shit anymore of either), and basically my life is FUBAR (I have various topics explaining my situation - so I won't go on in detail here). I'm just waiting until the day that I burnt all my bridges, at the last legs, no where to run/hide, and then I'll finally end myself (shoot myself in the head; hopefully wreck my brainstem and/or die from shock+blood loss). I don't give a shit if that traumatizes my family, the people around me, and what not because as xnoneofyourbusinessx once said, it is society's fault for not legalizing voluntary euthanasia for everyone thus forcing some people to resort to such barbaric and violent means to suicide. After all, while vengeance and getting even isn't my primary objective (my primary is just ending this pain and saving myself a lot of regret and wasted time down the road), it is a by-product (as well as a secondary objective) of my desperation in my situation.

There are so many more bad and shitty childhood memories, but I could write short book with all the shit I've endured during my childhood until adulthood (and even nowadays life is a joke, things aren't better, people still suck, and I'm done trying to fight a battle that is futile - though that's another topic altogether).

Hugs, that sounds awful :(

 

[HellinHeaven]

I was a very autonom, impulsive and uncompromising child and my parents couldn't deal with it. One day we drove to a therapist, my parents talked to them, while I was sitting peaceful and quiet near them. Then they started the procedure. I was about 8 years old. The put me on a mat and my mother lay down on my full body to tame me. Of course I opposed and fought against her, but I was too weak. It must have been hell itself, but I have no feelings from this. After a while I just lay apathetic on the floor. That was the moment my world broke together. I haven't recovered from this until today. I don't know how long it took, I had no feeling of time, no feelings at all. Until today I have panic of relationship and sex, and severe issues with trust, a low self esteem and suicidal thoughts. My mother excused, she thought the therapist knows what he is doing, but the consequences hold on.

 

[Smilla]

I wouldn't be surprised if there was no greater shame for a Scotsman than to wander up to St. Peter with a piss soaked hat. Righteous.

No worse childhood than an Irish one. Or a Scottish one.

 

[Life sucks]

I remember stupid, bad and silly things in every period of life and some sadly I remember tiny details.
I try to get rid of it but I don't know how. Isolation helps somehow by reducing seeing people who make memories come back.
Fuck bad memories, pain referring to pain, what a shitty thing. Looks like it will stay with me until I die or ctb.

 

[ParamitePie]

I remember police knocking on the door, entering our home and informing my mother and I that my father was dead. I think I was in shock, because I can't remember what I was doing beforehand or after that. I can't even remember much about the incident, but I remember we were sitting on the couch and they looked incredibly upset.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

you guys have been through serious shit, hugs to everyone <3

 

[lady_godiva]

My brother and I were bickering one day and my mother came in the room, sat in a chair, and started chanting, "Fight! fight! fight!" and told us that she wished we'd kill each other so she wouldn't have to deal with us anymore. We were maybe 8-10 at the time.

We fought a lot. We really weren't great kids, but that's something we still talk about to this day. I'm so conflicted because my mom isn't like that anymore. I mean, she still has certain tendencies, but she's completely mellow in comparison to how she used to be. It's hard when she's doing something thoughtful and then the moment gets tainted by a sudden bad memory. I start getting paranoid thinking it's all fake and that she's just trying to keep me under her thumb. All these irrational fucking thoughts.

Just typing this out is giving me horrific anxiety honestly. Sorry for the novel.

 

[JustAboutDone]

@lady_godiva that's so sad :-( you must feel really confused, especially as your mum has mellowed now. That would really make my head spin. It's a parents job to bring children up so they can live and respect each other - it's horrible she said that to you and it left such an impact xxx

 

[lady_godiva]

@lady_godiva that's so sad :-( you must feel really confused, especially as your mum has mellowed now. That would really make my head spin. It's a parents job to bring children up so they can live and respect each other - it's horrible she said that to you and it left such an impact xxx

Thank you for reading all of that haha. It is indeed very confusing.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Thank you for reading all of that haha. It is indeed very confusing.

It was interesting to read. I have siblings and we fought and it was horrible and my mother blamed us and I've been trying to read a bit about it lately to get some understanding. Definitely NOT the children's fault!

 

[CFLoser]

Dad hit me and locked me in storage for cross dressing when 8

 

[Sundayafternoon]

I was 8 living with my aunt and two older cousins while my mom was locked up.
After the "game" my older cousin made me play everyday, I'd gone into the bathroom. I noticed blood after I wiped. As usual talking to myself, I looked down and said, "damn, I must have started my period". But since it was only a little blood I didn't say anything.

I didn't realize until 25 years later. It wasn't my period. It was fucking vaginal fissure from abuse. Evidence even. Had I sense enough to tell.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Dad hit me and locked me in storage for cross dressing when 8

I was 8 living with my aunt and two older cousins while my mom was locked up.
After the "game" my older cousin made me play everyday, I'd gone into the bathroom. I noticed blood after I wiped. As usual talking to myself, I looked down and said, "damn, I must have started my period". But since it was only a little blood I didn't say anything.

I didn't realize until 25 years later. It wasn't my period. It was fucking vaginal fissure from abuse. Evidence even. Had I sense enough to tell.

I can't even imagine the pain you both must have gone through. Hugs hugs hugs <3 <3 <3

 

[Sundayafternoon]

I can't even imagine the pain you both must have gone through. Hugs hugs hugs <3 <3 <3

Thank you , thank you thank you! and same to you (everyone here for that matter)

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Thank you , thank you thank you! and same to you (everyone here for that matter)

Ofc and thank you <3

 

[Pointlessabyss]

Damn you've all been through some tough shit! Fair play for you all to making it this far.

The only bad memory I have really is watching a guy burn to his death when I was 9. He lived 3 doors down was cleaning his motorbike in his house next to an open fire. ( stupid I know ) came out screaming in the street for help... will never forget it people came out with towels/ water but it was too late. The smell was horrendous, parents took me back inside but my short exposure was enough to leave a lasting impression had nightmares for months.

 

[CFLoser]

Damn you've all been through some tough shit! Fair play for you all to making it this far.

The only bad memory I have really is watching a guy burn to his death when I was 9. He lived 3 doors down was cleaning his motorbike in his house next to an open fire. ( stupid I know ) came out screaming in the street for help... will never forget it people came out with towels/ water but it was too late. The smell was horrendous, parents took me back inside but my short exposure was enough to leave a lasting impression had nightmares for months.

Wow... I'm really sorry that happened. Sounds super scary for you and everyone else.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Damn you've all been through some tough shit! Fair play for you all to making it this far.

The only bad memory I have really is watching a guy burn to his death when I was 9. He lived 3 doors down was cleaning his motorbike in his house next to an open fire. ( stupid I know ) came out screaming in the street for help... will never forget it people came out with towels/ water but it was too late. The smell was horrendous, parents took me back inside but my short exposure was enough to leave a lasting impression had nightmares for months.

Oh that is horrific for you to have experienced :-( wow. The poor man :-(

 

[AhG]

Memory I had was when my father and mother were fighting, she left and my father was drinking, he took me and put me on the kitchen counter and gave me a butcher knife and stood right in front of me. Apparently my mother came home and saw my father holding my arms up and then she knocked him on his ass. After that it's a blur.