Venting back after a long time

[gemstar]

hi all, I've been doing super good for a long while, maybe even over 3 weeks and I really thought that this era of my life is finally over, I felt no mental distress, began wanting to do things and buy stuff again, and was able to believe that there is a future for me and that everything is ok and I started applying for jobs again too,,
and today I crashed so hard idk what happened I can't believe I'm so weak minded that I'm able to break so fast but my mind is flooded with thoughts of suicide again
I'm not religious but I'm in so much mental distress all of a sudden that I keep thinking that I need to pray this feeling off of myself lol
I'm sorry if I'm not making sense but gosh I'm so annoyed with myself and I don't want to tell this to anyone because I don't want the people I love to know that I'm thinking of killing myself again

 

[literallynoone]

Relatable. Painfully so. I feel like these always come and go away for me although recently has been the worst by far. I hope you get back to feeling good