Venting I gave up

[mofkiy]

I admit that it's getting annoying to see me complain about the same thing over and over again lmao, but it appears that I'm doomed to keep living this miserable life. It seems like I'll never ever be able to ctb, I don't have any privacy to even try (since I initially planned to ctb with psh), I live in a very strict household and I can literally never leave my house to try to do it elsewhere.
Also, I realized that I don't even have the guts to do it lmaoooo, it's such a scary way to go, and I know that I'll definitely fail if I try.
I can unfortunately never access SN or KN, which is extremely discouraging, this is the only method I was ACTUALLY willing to try, but of course, I can't.
Some people believe that if you're too scared to commit, you don't actually want to die, and I think this is stupid cause I absolutely DO want to die, I'm so tired and I can't do this anymore, it keeps getting harder everyday and I see no way out.
So yeah, I'm stuck here, I'm simply doomed to suffer.

 

[desiderium]

I'm sorry you're stuck in your situation.

Committing is immensely difficult. Just because you're scared doesn't negate the things you're going through or your desire to die- we do have an innate instinct to preserve ourselves by any means necessary. It would be more concerning if you weren't scared even a little.

I hope that things get a little better for you. Don't be too hard on yourself for not being able to go through with committing; you're still valid. Your suffering still matters, and your exhaustion is just as real.

 

[AmSoFingLOSTTT]

life is suffering, i understant you, but go easy on yourself. You matter