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wait i'm goated
- Feb 12, 2023
- 448
mostly just a vent, don't link that non-method thread. i've read it, i've even sent it to others, i don't care. 
ik of someone who recently died from an od. they took a bunch of psych meds and ended up passing. obviously, idk how hard it was before they passed because i didn't know them personally and i don't have that much info. i'm sure it was terrible.
i'm thinking about doing the same thing. i have a bunch of antidepressants, anxiety meds, and sleep meds that have been sitting around. i also have some prescriptions for other things. i know about the risks, i know about the low success rate. regardless, there is a success rate and i need to be part of it.
i still fear possibly failing an attempt. things will get a lot worse, but i don't really care as much. i'm just so tired of this, it's already unbearable anyway so i can't imagine it getting much worse tbh. i just can't keep waiting, this is horrible. i've been waiting and waiting until i can get a car, but that's a long time from now. hanging hasn't been working out either. everything is so fucked and it's beyond fixing now, i can't keep living. i keep reaching out and it's pointless. no one cares and i just end up exhausting people.
i can't cope with this at all. i just have to go and if this offers me a chance, then i don't really see why not.
i feel so jittery right now and i want to cry, this is such a terrible existence. i'm so fucking bored and miserable and alone. no one cares if i live or die. no one will care if i end up with some sort of injury or horrible side effect, life will go on and everyone will remain unaffected regardless of what happens to me. that's what hurts the most. i don't necessarily fear the damage that could be caused by surviving an od, i'm cooked regardless. i just feel really sick when i think about how i'd likely return home from the hospital and be greeted with an empty phone, no messages or anything. i'll return to work and it'll be like i never left because the few people i talk to don't necessarily care that much either. i have to die so i don't experience that. even if i see it coming, it'll still be excruciating to experience.
i felt okay after my first hospitalization because i had people to talk to who were worried and glad that i was still here. granted, i felt like shit for causing so many problems, but i felt loved and it made me feel a little peaceful. i don't have that anymore, no one cares. i'll be alone through everything, like always. that's the only thing making me feel hesitant.
ik of someone who recently died from an od. they took a bunch of psych meds and ended up passing. obviously, idk how hard it was before they passed because i didn't know them personally and i don't have that much info. i'm sure it was terrible.
i'm thinking about doing the same thing. i have a bunch of antidepressants, anxiety meds, and sleep meds that have been sitting around. i also have some prescriptions for other things. i know about the risks, i know about the low success rate. regardless, there is a success rate and i need to be part of it.
i still fear possibly failing an attempt. things will get a lot worse, but i don't really care as much. i'm just so tired of this, it's already unbearable anyway so i can't imagine it getting much worse tbh. i just can't keep waiting, this is horrible. i've been waiting and waiting until i can get a car, but that's a long time from now. hanging hasn't been working out either. everything is so fucked and it's beyond fixing now, i can't keep living. i keep reaching out and it's pointless. no one cares and i just end up exhausting people.
i can't cope with this at all. i just have to go and if this offers me a chance, then i don't really see why not.
i feel so jittery right now and i want to cry, this is such a terrible existence. i'm so fucking bored and miserable and alone. no one cares if i live or die. no one will care if i end up with some sort of injury or horrible side effect, life will go on and everyone will remain unaffected regardless of what happens to me. that's what hurts the most. i don't necessarily fear the damage that could be caused by surviving an od, i'm cooked regardless. i just feel really sick when i think about how i'd likely return home from the hospital and be greeted with an empty phone, no messages or anything. i'll return to work and it'll be like i never left because the few people i talk to don't necessarily care that much either. i have to die so i don't experience that. even if i see it coming, it'll still be excruciating to experience.
i felt okay after my first hospitalization because i had people to talk to who were worried and glad that i was still here. granted, i felt like shit for causing so many problems, but i felt loved and it made me feel a little peaceful. i don't have that anymore, no one cares. i'll be alone through everything, like always. that's the only thing making me feel hesitant.
