At what aging stage you became depressed? (Poll)

[Soul]

My understanding is depression from childhood always lingers so it's hard for me to believe your depression isn't playing a role in ctb. It's just hard to believe, one thing you may be experiencing is a dysthymia or low level depression which simply makes life feel not good enough. Maybe that's why you want to ctb? Idk really, it's a supposition

Having grown up with suicide looming so large in my life makes it a more obvious option, for sure; but whether that equates with depression is hard to decide in a society where suicide is always regarded as a deranged act. All I know is that I've definitely been depressed and I'm not anymore. Life has been interesting and rewarding and enjoyable and worthwhile and so on; it's just that now I'm terminally ill and want to make my own choices. I've been emphatically pro-choice for so long that it would be weird for me not to ctb under the circumstances.

 

[spanishguy22]

Having grown up with suicide looming so large in my life makes it a more obvious option, for sure; but whether that equates with depression is hard to decide in a society where suicide is always regarded as a deranged act. All I know is that I've definitely been depressed and I'm not anymore. Life has been interesting and rewarding and enjoyable and worthwhile and so on; it's just that now I'm terminally ill and want to make my own choices. I've been emphatically pro-choice for so long that it would be weird for me not to ctb under the circumstances.

Oh I didn't know about terminal illness sorry. It's your right indeed.

 

[RRH]

My depression started in my early twenties. I'm 31 now.

My depression is treatment resistant. Over the last 10 years, I have seen different Psychologists and Psychiatrists and tried everything. I've tried basically every medication available, both new and old. I've tried hypnotherapy, CBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation and Electro Convulsive Therapy.

I'm so over it all and don't think I can put in the monumental amount of effort required to try and get better again.

I have an appointment with a new Psychiatrist soon. Not sure there's any point seeing him. I already have my N. Unless he can come up with a miracle, I'm done.

 

[Alec]

I was born this way (but not like the upbeat lady gaga song lmao)

My family was amazing, no abuse, but a kind of empty melancholy became my default state before I was even 5. I remember almost taking comfort in it because it felt so familiar. That horrible "bricks sitting on your chest" feeling would come on and I'd settle into it. This is also when the feelings of isolation and unworthiness cropped up. I can only assume it's biological given my family's......not so great history with this sort of stuff. And the physical health issues that have plagued me for just as long.

I never stood a chance.

I have the same feeling of constant melancholy that I sometimes settle into, it hurts but it's familiar

 

[maka]

I didn't know what exactly depression was, but I started feeling "extreme sadness" around 6. I lived in a pretty fucked up household and I still do. My nmom began telling me to my face that she didn't love me at that age, and started bringing in other kids (cousins, nieces, etc.) from overseas to live with us and treating them better in front of me. I had to do everything for them. If they did something wrong, I was the one who got beaten for it. They did all kinds of things to me and she didn't care. I was sexually assaulted by a female cousin at 6, and raped by my own nmother at 7. By then I already thought about running away or killing myself. I didn't know what "childhood" was at all. I "tried" killing myself by drinking cough syrup at 9, suffocating at 10, strangling myself twice at 11, and self harm twice at 13, although I was stupid and didn't know how to properly do any of that. My little heart had been shattered at a young age and up until now at 18 I still can't stand myself or my life. Hence the reason I'm here.

 

[spanishguy22]

I didn't know what exactly depression was, but I started feeling "extreme sadness" around 6. I lived in a pretty fucked up household and I still do. My nmom began telling me to my face that she didn't love me at that age, and started bringing in other kids (cousins, nieces, etc.) from overseas to live with us and treating them better in front of me. I had to do everything for them. If they did something wrong, I was the one who got beaten for it. They did all kinds of things to me and she didn't care. I was sexually assaulted by a female cousin at 6, and raped by my own nmother at 7. By then I already thought about running away or killing myself. I didn't know what "childhood" was at all. I "tried" killing myself by drinking cough syrup at 9, suffocating at 10, strangling myself twice at 11, and self harm twice at 13, although I was stupid and didn't know how to properly do any of that. My little heart had been shattered at a young age and up until now at 18 I still can't stand myself or my life. Hence the reason I'm here.

This makes me angry. So sick. Sorry.

 

[JadedGray]

Yeah. It wasn't some "chemical imbalance" that made me humiliate myself all those times, never learn anything about the real world, withdraw into fantasy, and slack off until I was 30. Now I realize the horror of the life I've made for myself: no money, no degree, no friends (except old ones too nice to stop replying to occasional texts). Gimme the pill for THAT.

I can relate to this. I spent more time trying to escape what has now become my reality, instead of trying to improve it because I didn't see the point. Now my situation is the worst it could possibly ever be.

I didn't know what exactly depression was, but I started feeling "extreme sadness" around 6. I lived in a pretty fucked up household and I still do. My nmom began telling me to my face that she didn't love me at that age, and started bringing in other kids (cousins, nieces, etc.) from overseas to live with us and treating them better in front of me. I had to do everything for them. If they did something wrong, I was the one who got beaten for it. They did all kinds of things to me and she didn't care. I was sexually assaulted by a female cousin at 6, and raped by my own nmother at 7. By then I already thought about running away or killing myself. I didn't know what "childhood" was at all. I "tried" killing myself by drinking cough syrup at 9, suffocating at 10, strangling myself twice at 11, and self harm twice at 13, although I was stupid and didn't know how to properly do any of that. My little heart had been shattered at a young age and up until now at 18 I still can't stand myself or my life. Hence the reason I'm here.

Wow, I'm so sorry. Reading things like this make me feel bad for complaining about my situation and realize the horrors some people have to experience. It's enough to make me agree with antinatalism if it means someone not having to experience what you had to.

 

[IRIYAMA]

Depression started at 41, after getting ill and having severe symptoms. Total autonomic failure and it took the specialists close to a year for a diagnosis. 6 years later and still no better, have many issues including mobility and severe neuropathic pain.
Fortunately have N and wishing to go soon, have a referral to another hospital for "fresh eyes" to assess new treatment options..