At what age did everything go wrong?

[Life sucks]

Every fucking age

 

[Essence]

Age 11, abused. Kept that to myself ( as you do ). It came out at age 18. From there the drinking and self harm ensued. From there, it's a fucking mess...

 

[Jean4]

Molested by my brother and given Herpes at age 4. Parents supported my brother and blamed me lol. That was the highlight of my life. Went downhill from there.

 

[a_strange_day]

Things started to get really bad at 14. Like something inside me snapped. I started to feel lost, not interested in anything, hyper emotional and uncomfortable with people, even my family. However it was just the beginning, it became much worse with the years. At 18 it was so bad that I left home and started for the first time seriously considering suicide.

 

[Wayfaerer]

7 > 12 > 18 > 22 > 26

In ascending order from the beginning (bad) towards the end (worst)

 

[lymbo]

I can relate, for sure.... Chronic pain sufferer myself and nothing I've been given helps. My doctor now says he doesn't know what to do for me.

wha type of doctor u saw?

 

[Spock87]

I was born

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

wha type of doctor u saw?

Just a regular one but I need to go to a pain clinic. Could take a year or more and I'm not waiting.

 

[SoyImbecilaburrido]

Every thing started in 2018, hozpitalisme fot delirous, ezquisofrenia, my family lost all the money tryng to work, i miss my companies, no frends, no girlfriend

Every thing started in 2018, hozpitalisme fot delirous, ezquisofrenia, my family lost all the money tryng to work, i miss my companies, no frends, no girlfriend

2008, was hozpitalised, then, 2109 thougs of suicide forms, bad to worse
I mean 2019
Why erased my quote??

7 > 12 > 18 > 22 > 26

In ascending order from the beginning (bad) towards the end (worst)

The same period, not exactly

 

[mediocre]

The age for me was 7, when I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. No, it wasn't a death sentence but it heavily changed my childhood. This was also the same year my brother was born. I basically raised him for several years until his dad and my mother's marriage fell apart.

Now he lives in another province and no longer speaks with me. So things just gradually became worse because we were torn away from each other and type 1 diabetes also invites other autoimmune diseases into your life.

I felt things were bad at 7 and learned over the years how much worse it was when my life became increasingly bad.

What about you guys? When or why did you figure out that things started to go downhill and brought you to this decision?

I guess what I'm trying to say is "What started it all?"

~ H x

It was going through puberty at 12. I was severely bullied, had voice issues, stomach issues, problems at home. It was extremely stressful and I don't think I've ever fully recovered. I was mostly OK as a child though.

I think most people go through puberty and maybe have some issues but they get over them and grow up. Mine scarred me for life. My voice never developed properly. Because of the bullying I was taken out of school and never had the courage to go back. This isolated me socially and stunted my growth as a person. I have zero social skills. I've never had a friend, a job, a romantic relationship...

Now I'm almost 27 but I'm still that terrified little 12 year old inside. I've managed to accomplish absolutely nothing. I've contributed nothing to society. I'm a burden on my family.

 

[Darkhaven]

To be honest it was only in last year's summer.
Started noticing my fingers shaking, went to 3 neurologists and BOOM, a neurological disorder diagnosis. Can't take my mind out of it. Even though the symptoms are still very mild and unnoticeable to others, just knowing that i will have this untill i die makes me despair and feel hopeless.

 

[Nem]

Met my ex in 2008, made a HUGE mistake in not seeing the red flags popping up and aborting the relationship. Holy. Fuckin. Shit.
Peace/hugs...DEATH!!!!

 

[charlie_z]

When I was 16. An ordinary day in high school. My biology class was near the end of the school day. I remember listening to the teacher give his lesson when the thoughts and images suddenly flooded my mind. That was the beginning for me.

 

[popwhat]

being born in a unhappy marriage i guess. but the realization of everything happened to me when i was around 15-16. i realized most of things around that time. my weaknesses, my strength, my sexuality... i've been bullied since 1st grade. kids never treated me good. i changed a lot of schools but it was all the same. i realized why they were being so mean and bad to me when i was around 16. it was because before even i knew i was gay people knew before me. i was the outcast, the underdog. i was the gay kid that everyone hated wished to be never born. i've been verbally, sexually and physically harassed all through my school life. when i attempted suicide i was 17. i had the thoughts before but never acted on them because i didn't know where they were actually coming from. beside all that this knowing of worthlessness and wanting to be non existent started after my attempt. i realized that i don't want to live anymore and crossing the line isn't that hard, it never was.

 

[Pony]

When I was 12, im not sure if my mum didnt understand or just didnt believe me but it doesnt matter either way

 

[MisanthropicLycan]

In my early twenties I suffered from extremely severe and terrifying panic attacks that usually lasted for almost an hour where I thought I would die from the brutal chest pain and how rapidly and erratically my heart was pounding. I developed cardio-phobia and had frequent uncomfortable heart palpitations which exacerbated my anxiety and OCD. This is also when I was hit with a megaton of existential crisis and nihilism. I isolated myself at home for a long period of time and I lived in fear. It was a very lonely and scary time. I recovered and got much better for some years. My panic disorder went away along with most of my anxiety thankfully.

Then my worsening bipolar depression and addictive self-destructive behaviors ruined my life.

Two years ago I lost a girl I loved dearly due to my bipolar depression and substance abuse. I was with her for ten years in a romantic relationship. We were attached at the hip. While I was grieving the death of that relationship I fell madly and desperately in love with another girl who ended up leaving me for the same reasons. Now I feel mentally broken and emotionally ruined beyond repair.

I haven't been able to climb out of this pit of despair and I think I will eventually drown down here. I wish I was dead.

 

[Mr2005]

17 was when I made the worst mistake of my life. 23 is when it caught up with me

 

[Wayfaerer]

17 was when I made the worst mistake of my life. 23 is when it caught up with me

I was 22 when I made the single worst mistake of my life (not that I've made many) and it didn't catch up until I was 26 so I can relate quite well to that. It's especially frustrating when the consequences are delayed by years. It makes it seem like someone else made the mistake yet you are the one to has to suffer for it. Those 4 years had felt like half of my life.

 

[Moon Flower]

The beginning was probably my dad's suicide when I was 18

 

[LonelyLight]

The day I left the womb.

 

[Reyki6667]

From the very start. At birth.

 

[737492]

4/5, can't remember what age it was exactly....abusive family member sexually abused me

 

[Whitewash11235814]

10 is when the whole domino effect took off. I migrated from Lithuania to USA at the age of 10 and left everything I knew, including my friends, father, culture, language, etc... I had to start from scratch...

From 10-16: bullied in school, no friends, constant dissensions w/ parents, and unfortunately no recourse resulting in poor emotional development.

16-17 was the most pivotal age range for me: First hospitalization due to suicidal ideation, existential depression (stumbled upon hard determinism and adopted a fatalistic attitude), completely isolated myself in my room, became less and less grounded as time progressed.

17-20 (I'm 20 now): 6 hospitalizations under my belt, existential depression soars, inability to cope with practical life.


There was a time when I had hoped that my pain was interwoven with beauty and comfort sometime down the road. Nowadays I look around and think "Why me? Why not that guy in solitary confinement who's trying to gouge his eyeballs out?" The crippling truth is that we may have control over our life, but our control of ourselves is nonexistent. For example, a man with bipolar will think accordingly and so will a man with TBI. The harsh reality is that humans abide by laws of nature and the concept of free-will has no scientific model and is just awareness providing a perception of free-will. Everyone acts according to their identity/personality. However, this doesn't mean a depressed person won't be able to climb out of his despair. Many manage to overcome their obstacles but not everyone will and I'm tempted to think its not because of 'choice' but because of 'reason'. It'd be irrational if everyone climbed out of their depression just like it'd be irrational for everyone to have content relationships. Its irrational in the sense that it is actually impossible.

I just have no reason to believe I'm more worthy of success than that bum down the road. This view doesn't just stem from "equality" but also knowing that statistics and logic say I'm likely to remain depressed for much longer. One can easily spot the destructiveness in this passive philosophy. I tried to stand up and march forward with high hopes and a fresh smile on my face, but I always fell back into thinking pessimistically, even after having pledged 1 week before to think positively because brooding is of no value to personal success. I knew that and still know that now, but I also understand that you can't wipe your programming (your brain) clean and start anew anytime you want. Yes yes many would like that very much and I hope the best of luck to those that like the notion of freshness and never looking back, but I can guarantee that most of those who will try this route will discover many bumps and blockages along the way, especially if they have a long history of depression and pessimism. I don't think it, I know it and it's all due to laws of nature.

Just want to clarify one bit. I'm not saying it's impossible to survive debilitating ordeals, I'm just saying it'll likely be a hard journey of reprogramming which is 'meant' to fail for some.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

At 12 when I discovered my sexual desires thereby ending my childhood, but my depression started sometime when I was 13 so that was when I started to experience how painful life could be.

Damn just writing this makes me think about how it really has been 12½ years since I turned 13 life was so fun and excitement it was also much simpler back then.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Things were never right. But my brother ctb'ing when I was 12 really locked in that dysfunctional thinking.

 

[Dreamwithinadream]

At 12 I started having health problems. By 25 everything went to shit.

 

[AllThePsychMeds]

• Aged 2: My infant brother dies next to me. "Don't worry. She won't understand or remember" = BS.
• Aged 5: Diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (JRA/JIA)
• Aged 7: Sent to abusive boarding school
• Aged 14: Diagnosed with essentially bipolar I under the pediatric name

Everything else seems to have a start in one of those. I clearly remember crying to my parents when I was 8 that I had no dreams for my future. I've spent my life trying to fulfill their dreams: top universities, PhD, marriage, and following all the many and demanding medical regimens. I made everyone proud, I think. They're out of wants and so am I.

 

[deadalready1969]

I have attachment/preverbal trauma, so I guess as an infant. I suppose it's in my DNA too since trauma can be transferred through generations that way.

 

[issyishere]

Honestly i don't want to seem like im wallowing in self pity but it seems like ever since i was born it's been downhill from there. Just one tragedy after the next until I realized I can't take it anymore. There have been periods where I forgot about the sadness but it's always been there. Just waiting. Ctb is the only way I take back control. :/

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

BIRTH !!!