Discussion Ask a mortician.

[rozeske]

I'm apparently going to be around for a while- not what I had planned, but, plans and desires and wants change.

So, keep the questions coming.

I would love it if you could tell us about bodies from hanging. I know you mentioned some points last time about them looking....well not so good but would it be the same for partial hangings. I was thinking may be it could be less...you know, considering the cause of death is bood chock and not much pressure on the neck like full suspension hangings.

 

[mehdone]

Sorry your plans have gone awry.

More of a personal than professional question.What is your opinion on mental health treatment?

I'm not sorry that my plans went awry. I might actually have a chance to thrive for once in my life, and I am grabbing that opportunity, holding it tight, and never letting it go. After 4 decades of wanting nothing but death- hope, and being able to see the potential for a life with some happiness in it, even though there will still be pain and struggles- is a strange thing. Not a bad thing, just, foreign.

I think that mental healthcare should be far more available than it is. If one doesn't have the means to afford it own there own, the number of hoops and the wait time is absurd.

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but when I'm deep in depression, I certainly don't have the energy to do everything necessary to get care- it's a struggle just to get out of bed.

The quality of mental healthcare available to those without the means leaves a lot to be desired as well.

What method of suicide do you see the most of?

Gunshot, by far.

 

[mehdone]

I would love it if you could tell us about bodies from hanging. I know you mentioned some points last time about them looking....well not so good but would it be the same for partial hangings. I was thinking may be it could be less...you know, considering the cause of death is bood chock and not much pressure on the neck like full suspension hangings.

It would be the same for partial hanging. Petechial hemorrhaging around the eyes and other areas of the face, burst vessels in the eyes, swollen eyes, swollen tongue, facial swelling in general.

Personally, if I was going for a "blood choke", I'd use the night-night method over partial or full hanging. I'm not down for the panic I know will kick in with hanging of any type. The body is going to look similar with all three methods, it's a matter of how much pain and panic one wants to go through.

 

[eLdus]

There's so much info in this thread, thank you for taking the time to share it all.

I know you have covered this here and there in the thread, but my question is - Apart from funeral plans, is there anything else I can do to make things easier on my loved ones? This is one of the things that causes me most anxiety, and I want to do as much as I can.

 

[Raven2]

This is such an interesting thread, thank you for taking the time to answer everyones questions mehdone and I'm glad life is looking a little brighter for you.

 

[mortuarymary]

I am one too. Nice to meet you OP

What's the worst case you've ever seen?
I know corpses left in the water for too long do not look good, right?

Decapatation through a motor bike accident.
kids, seeing kids is always upsetting.

 

[Doombox]

This has been an interesting thread to read through; thank you. You have touched on SN briefly here and there and you seem to dismiss it because poisons can take too long, you might get found, etc. But if you're in a situation where you know for a fact that you will not be found, would you still think SN isn't a good choice? If so, why? Thanks!

 

[ValhallaBound]

Hey there @mehdone I firstly want to thank you for putting this together. Your thread and responses are the reason I stopped lurking and made an account, and I appreciate your service and respect for the deceased

My question is, are pre-planning arrangements honored even if not yet paid for? I.e. I've preplanned a cremation, and have confirmation, but have not yet actually paid for the services - so could my kin change those wishes?

 

[mortuarymary]

Hey there @mehdone I firstly want to thank you for putting this together. Your thread and responses are the reason I stopped lurking and made an account, and I appreciate your service and respect for the deceased

My question is, are pre-planning arrangements honored even if not yet paid for? I.e. I've preplanned a cremation, and have confirmation, but have not yet actually paid for the services - so could my kin change those wishes?

In the uk, no they can't. They have to go by what you have asked for.

 

[mehdone]

There's so much info in this thread, thank you for taking the time to share it all.

I know you have covered this here and there in the thread, but my question is - Apart from funeral plans, is there anything else I can do to make things easier on my loved ones? This is one of the things that causes me most anxiety, and I want to do as much as I can.

The biggest thing is funeral plans.
Also, a will.
If you're leaving behind a houseful of stuff- it would best to clear out any junk, and maybe put post it notes on what is left stating who it should go to.

When someone dies, there is the major things to take care of- their funeral, etc. We can typically suck it up and make it through those major decisions- but it's the rest of it that tears your heart apart. Going through their belongings, their life- trying to decide what to throw away and what to treasure- that is when the grief tends to truly hit.

That, and the major milestones in the following year- first birthday, holidays, other significant dates- but we we can't help them get through that once we're gone.

We can at least make those first steps a bit easier though.

I am one too. Nice to meet you OP

Decapatation through a motor bike accident.
kids, seeing kids is always upsetting.

Nice to meet you as well, MM.
Any life cut short in their prime via accident is difficult.

I struggle more with suicides, because I can relate to them.

This has been an interesting thread to read through; thank you. You have touched on SN briefly here and there and you seem to dismiss it because poisons can take too long, you might get found, etc. But if you're in a situation where you know for a fact that you will not be found, would you still think SN isn't a good choice? If so, why? Thanks!

As someone who has had multiple failed suicide attempts, I tend to think of potential risks. Things that could keep me from being successful in the future.

With that in mind, I would combine multiple methods- failsafes. I wouldn't rely on a single method, all have a potential for failure. If I try again I will not fail.

There is always a chance you will be found. I don't dismiss SN, I think it has its place.

Poisons do take too long, and there are too many variables. If I were to attempt again, I would probably incorporate SN, but it would not be my main method. It takes too long, and first responders are too familiar with it. All it takes is methylene blue to reverse it.

I would probably take SN, take aspirin and drink alcohol to thin my blood, and then shoot myself in my head or take a jump. If I didn't die immediately- they'll be too busy with the major trauma to notice the effects of the SN.

SN or any poison on its own is just not certain enough for me.

Hey there @mehdone I firstly want to thank you for putting this together. Your thread and responses are the reason I stopped lurking and made an account, and I appreciate your service and respect for the deceased

My question is, are pre-planning arrangements honored even if not yet paid for? I.e. I've preplanned a cremation, and have confirmation, but have not yet actually paid for the services - so could my kin change those wishes?

No, if not pre-paid for, they are not set in stone. They can be changed.
The pre-payment is what makes them a contract that cannot be changed, at least in the countries I'm familiar with.

Even with a will, if money is not set aside for those arrangements- it is not the responsibility of the next of kin to come up with the funding to pay for what you stated you desired.

The exception here is if you are on a payment plan of some sort- you'll need to read the fine print, some will cover the entire cost if one was to die prior to paying it off.

 

[Doombox]

As someone who has had multiple failed suicide attempts, I tend to think of potential risks. Things that could keep me from being successful in the future.

With that in mind, I would combine multiple methods- failsafes. I wouldn't rely on a single method, all have a potential for failure. If I try again I will not fail.

There is always a chance you will be found. I don't dismiss SN, I think it has its place.

Poisons do take too long, and there are too many variables. If I were to attempt again, I would probably incorporate SN, but it would not be my main method. It takes too long, and first responders are too familiar with it. All it takes is methylene blue to reverse it.

I would probably take SN, take aspirin and drink alcohol to thin my blood, and then shoot myself in my head or take a jump. If I didn't die immediately- they'll be too busy with the major trauma to notice the effects of the SN.

SN or any poison on its own is just not certain enough for me.

2 concerns I have about your hypothetical plan are that SN, aspirin, and alcohol sounds like a recipe for immediate vomiting, and that shooting oneself or jumping makes a more traumatic scene for witnesses and first responders.

I agree about combining methods. What would you think of SN followed by an elastic exercise band knotted around the neck?

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

How did you get a job at morgue?

 

[mehdone]

2 concerns I have about your hypothetical plan are that SN, aspirin, and alcohol sounds like a recipe for immediate vomiting, and that shooting oneself or jumping makes a more traumatic scene for witnesses and first responders.

I agree about combining methods. What would you think of SN followed by an elastic exercise band knotted around the neck?

I guess I should clarify this.

I mean:

I would take aspirin a bit before- not a massive dose, just enough to thin the blood and make it drain out faster.

The alcohol is for the same effect- thinning the blood, with an added bonus of mentally numbing me a bit to what I am about to do.

The SN would be taken within a couple minutes of the gunshot or jump- it could knock me out quickly, and it's important to get that main method done.

Any combination of methods would help make it more likely. Personally, I would go for multiple likely effective methods as above, with the addition of blood thinners to help the traumatic injury kill me quicker in case I happened to initially survive.

It's going to be traumatic for whoever finds the body or deals with it regardless. If I were to try again, I would want to make sure it is final.

Edit- side note, rather than an elastic exercise band that can stretch, I would personally choose something with no give, and something to press on the carotid arteries- ie: night-night method.

How did you get a job at morgue?

Not a morgue, a funeral home.

It requires schooling and/or an apprenticeship, depending on where you live.

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

I'm grateful for this thread, thank you so much!

Is there anything that you can tell me about deaths from asthma attacks? Any info is appreciated.

Is there a way to have my next of kin or any family members keep my cause of death private?

 

[_smile_]

Hi - I'm not sure how it's taken me this long to discover your thread, but I would like to thank you not only for the resources and knowledge you're providing to this community, but also for everything you do in real life, as part of your job. I know it's not glamorous and I know it takes a strong person to do what you do, so please know you're appreciated.

I'm sorry you've found yourself on this forum and to hear about your failed attempts. I was happy to read you've found something to keep yourself going for now.

Your line of work intrigues me. When I was considering medical school, it was with the intention to become a medical examiner. Instead, I ended up in finance

Thank you again

 

[mehdone]

I'm grateful for this thread, thank you so much!

Is there anything that you can tell me about deaths from asthma attacks? Any info is appreciated.

Is there a way to have my next of kin or any family members keep my cause of death private?

As a severe asthmatic, I can say it will involve a considerable amount of panic.

Same goes for anaphylaxis.

If you can trigger either, it will be listed as a natural death.

Unfortunately, your next of kin is free to share your cause of death with whoever they like. It will be listed on the death certificate, and they will have a copy of that- they will need that to take care of your final affairs such as closing bank accounts and whatnot.

Hi - I'm not sure how it's taken me this long to discover your thread, but I would like to thank you not only for the resources and knowledge you're providing to this community, but also for everything you do in real life, as part of your job. I know it's not glamorous and I know it takes a strong person to do what you do, so please know you're appreciated.

I'm sorry you've found yourself on this forum and to hear about your failed attempts. I was happy to read you've found something to keep yourself going for now.

Your line of work intrigues me. When I was considering medical school, it was with the intention to become a medical examiner. Instead, I ended up in finance

Thank you again

Thank you.

Honestly, finance is a much better line of work- certainly better than the physical, mental, and emotional drain and exhaustion that comes with working with the dead.

I wish I had gone into finance. :P

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm not sorry that my plans went awry. I might actually have a chance to thrive for once in my life, and I am grabbing that opportunity, holding it tight, and never letting it go. After 4 decades of wanting nothing but death- hope, and being able to see the potential for a life with some happiness in it, even though there will still be pain and struggles- is a strange thing. Not a bad thing, just, foreign.

Well, I hope you can find happiness for yourself.

 

[bridgegirl]

As a severe asthmatic, I can say it will involve a considerable amount of panic.

Same goes for anaphylaxis.

If you can trigger either, it will be listed as a natural death.

Unfortunately, your next of kin is free to share your cause of death with whoever they like. It will be listed on the death certificate, and they will have a copy of that- they will need that to take care of your final affairs such as closing bank accounts and whatnot.

Thank you.

Honestly, finance is a much better line of work- certainly better than the physical, mental, and emotional drain and exhaustion that comes with working with the dead.

I wish I had gone into finance. :P

Speaking as someone who worked in the financial world, it exacerbated my depression and anxiety. Although certainly it didn't compare to being a funeral director, it was still pretty draining, with a high volume of work and extreme attention of detail with precise knowledge of laws, taxes, currencies, and other nonsense. It was better than a lot of positions, but still ended in a breakdown for me. I guess it just goes to show, there are very few magical careers out there. Alas.

 

[Sleeper System]

This thread might very well be the most insightful and useful one on this site.
So thank you for offering your years of experience on this matter. Truelly.

My question: Living in new york, what is the process for someone who dies in the hospital or at home, doesn't have life insurance or a will, or finances, and doesn't have anyone that will pay for anything? What happens to them?

I know you mainly deal with the body but maybe you have some knowledge of this process maybe dealing with a dsititute or homeless patient.

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

As a severe asthmatic, I can say it will involve a considerable amount of panic.

Same goes for anaphylaxis.

If you can trigger either, it will be listed as a natural death.

Unfortunately, your next of kin is free to share your cause of death with whoever they like. It will be listed on the death certificate, and they will have a copy of that- they will need that to take care of your final affairs such as closing bank accounts and whatnot.

Thank you so so so much, your time and effort in answering these questions is so appreciated.

I do have a couple more questions, if that is ok?

1) If my next of kin were to honor my wish to keep my cause of death private, is there anyone else such as family or executor or anyone at my shared address, who would have access to the death certificate or who could be told my cause of death by authorities? It's mainly my 2 closest friends whom I want to prevent finding out how I passed.

2) This is a question more for a coroner, but I'm interested in your thoughts on the panic involved with asthma attacks, etc. My asthma has become quite severe, uncontrolled. I have air hunger 24/7 and constant chest pain & pressure. I way overuse my rescue inhaler. At least once per week I have an attack that makes me question if I should go to the hospital or not, where my rescue inhaler brings no relief. A couple of recent attacks were almost severe enough to put me on the verge of passing out. I have the means to make these attacks even worse by inhaling trigger allergens and I think I might even be able to make myself pass out (I have POTS). I am confident I will not be found for 12 hrs or longer. Will passing out be a solution to the panic? Will it calm down/foil the attack? What is the risk of living through this? I'm prepared to risk ending up as a vegetable for my death to look natural, so as to avoid hurting my closest friends.

THANK YOU

 

[mehdone]

Speaking as someone who worked in the financial world, it exacerbated my depression and anxiety. Although certainly it didn't compare to being a funeral director, it was still pretty draining, with a high volume of work and extreme attention of detail with precise knowledge of laws, taxes, currencies, and other nonsense. It was better than a lot of positions, but still ended in a breakdown for me. I guess it just goes to show, there are very few magical careers out there. Alas.

Consider my bubble burst.

If I didn't have to work, I might be a more functional human being- but it is a requirement for staying alive, which I apparently am.

 

[mortuarymary]

Fellow mortician here
ask away x

This thread might very well be the most insightful and useful one on this site.
So thank you for offering your years of experience on this matter. Truelly.

My question: Living in new york, what is the process for someone who dies in the hospital or at home, doesn't have life insurance or a will, or finances, and doesn't have anyone that will pay for anything? What happens to them?

I know you mainly deal with the body but maybe you have some knowledge of this process maybe dealing with a dsititute or homeless patient.

In the uk we call them paupers funerals. The coroner will do all they can to find next of kin, if not the state pays for it. You'll end up with a direct cremation but they still do afuneral.

Thank you so so so much, your time and effort in answering these questions is so appreciated.

I do have a couple more questions, if that is ok?

1) If my next of kin were to honor my wish to keep my cause of death private, is there anyone else such as family or executor or anyone at my shared address, who would have access to the death certificate or who could be told my cause of death by authorities? It's mainly my 2 closest friends whom I want to prevent finding out how I passed.

2) This is a question more for a coroner, but I'm interested in your thoughts on the panic involved with asthma attacks, etc. My asthma has become quite severe, uncontrolled. I have air hunger 24/7 and constant chest pain & pressure. I way overuse my rescue inhaler. At least once per week I have an attack that makes me question if I should go to the hospital or not, where my rescue inhaler brings no relief. A couple of recent attacks were almost severe enough to put me on the verge of passing out. I have the means to make these attacks even worse by inhaling trigger allergens and I think I might even be able to make myself pass out (I have POTS). I am confident I will not be found for 12 hrs or longer. Will passing out be a solution to the panic? Will it calm down/foil the attack? What is the risk of living through this? I'm prepared to risk ending up as a vegetable for my death to look natural, so as to avoid hurting my closest friends.

THANK YOU

Only If it went to coroners court and cause of death would be said then. If it's a suicide a inquest will be held.

 

[mehdone]

This thread might very well be the most insightful and useful one on this site.
So thank you for offering your years of experience on this matter. Truelly.

My question: Living in new york, what is the process for someone who dies in the hospital or at home, doesn't have life insurance or a will, or finances, and doesn't have anyone that will pay for anything? What happens to them?

I know you mainly deal with the body but maybe you have some knowledge of this process maybe dealing with a dsititute or homeless patient.

If you are in New York City, unlike most locations where you would be cremated and placed in a mass grave with other unclaimed cremated remains- New York actually has a potter's field on Hart Island. Your body will be buried in a mass grave there, with other unclaimed bodies, in a simple wooden box.

 

[rotciv]

This is all very helpfull! Thank you!

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

Thank you so so so much, your time and effort in answering these questions is so appreciated.

I do have a couple more questions, if that is ok?

1) If my next of kin were to honor my wish to keep my cause of death private, is there anyone else such as family or executor or anyone at my shared address, who would have access to the death certificate or who could be told my cause of death by authorities? It's mainly my 2 closest friends whom I want to prevent finding out how I passed.

2) This is a question more for a coroner, but I'm interested in your thoughts on the panic involved with asthma attacks, etc. My asthma has become quite severe, uncontrolled. I have air hunger 24/7 and constant chest pain & pressure. I way overuse my rescue inhaler. At least once per week I have an attack that makes me question if I should go to the hospital or not, where my rescue inhaler brings no relief. A couple of recent attacks were almost severe enough to put me on the verge of passing out. I have the means to make these attacks even worse by inhaling trigger allergens and I think I might even be able to make myself pass out (I have POTS). I am confident I will not be found for 12 hrs or longer. Will passing out be a solution to the panic? Will it calm down/foil the attack? What is the risk of living through this? I'm prepared to risk ending up as a vegetable for my death to look natural, so as to avoid hurting my closest friends.

THANK YOU

@mehdone thank you

 

[mortuarymary]

We did have a chap in our mortuary where his family buried their heads in the sands and refused to believe he was dead. Some look at the body and don't see there brother etc.

 

[mehdone]

Thank you so so so much, your time and effort in answering these questions is so appreciated.

I do have a couple more questions, if that is ok?

1) If my next of kin were to honor my wish to keep my cause of death private, is there anyone else such as family or executor or anyone at my shared address, who would have access to the death certificate or who could be told my cause of death by authorities? It's mainly my 2 closest friends whom I want to prevent finding out how I passed.

2) This is a question more for a coroner, but I'm interested in your thoughts on the panic involved with asthma attacks, etc. My asthma has become quite severe, uncontrolled. I have air hunger 24/7 and constant chest pain & pressure. I way overuse my rescue inhaler. At least once per week I have an attack that makes me question if I should go to the hospital or not, where my rescue inhaler brings no relief. A couple of recent attacks were almost severe enough to put me on the verge of passing out. I have the means to make these attacks even worse by inhaling trigger allergens and I think I might even be able to make myself pass out (I have POTS). I am confident I will not be found for 12 hrs or longer. Will passing out be a solution to the panic? Will it calm down/foil the attack? What is the risk of living through this? I'm prepared to risk ending up as a vegetable for my death to look natural, so as to avoid hurting my closest friends.

THANK YOU

My asthma is severe enough that I have to use a nebulizer multiple times a day. I'm very familiar with the panic.

1: The executor of your estate will absolutely have a copy of the death certificate.

2: Passing out would come from the lack of oxygen, panic would proceed it. Keep in mind that you would be playing with oxygen deprivation, brain damage is a very real possibility. Personally, I would advise against this method, as I would consider the likelihood of death low, and the likelihood of brain damage high.

 

[raindrop9]

Hey @mehdone , I don't comment much on the forum but I've been a lurker since the summer of 2022. This thread is one I follow and I've read all of it. Over the years on and off here I've never seen a thread like this and it can't be replicated. I think it's absolutely brilliant and I appreciate you so much for your contribution and taking the time to answer peoples questions articulately, thoroughly, and with class.
Thank you so much.

The biggest thing is funeral plans.
Also, a will.
If you're leaving behind a houseful of stuff- it would best to clear out any junk, and maybe put post it notes on what is left stating who it should go to.

I have some questions about this in particular, do you mind if I pm you?

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

My asthma is severe enough that I have to use a nebulizer multiple times a day. I'm very familiar with the panic.

1: The executor of your estate will absolutely have a copy of the death certificate.

2: Passing out would come from the lack of oxygen, panic would proceed it. Keep in mind that you would be playing with oxygen deprivation, brain damage is a very real possibility. Personally, I would advise against this method, as I would consider the likelihood of death low, and the likelihood of brain damage high.

Thank you so much for this, it is truly appreciated

 

[mehdone]

Hey @mehdone , I don't comment much on the forum but I've been a lurker since the summer of 2022. This thread is one I follow and I've read all of it. Over the years on and off here I've never seen a thread like this and it can't be replicated. I think it's absolutely brilliant and I appreciate you so much for your contribution and taking the time to answer peoples questions articulately, thoroughly, and with class.
Thank you so much.



I have some questions about this in particular, do you mind if I pm you?

You're very welcome. You are welcome to pm me if you are not comfortable asking your questions in the thread.