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tuyu

tuyu

im not afraid to die.
Mar 19, 2023
44
Asking this because my normie non depressed friend keeps trying to say "find a meaning to live then" but I feel that the only thing I get really emotionally ripped apart by is thinking of other depressed people going through the same thoughts as me……

Personally, i would wish that quality (ie from doctors) therapy was more accessible (ie cheaper AND could be accessible like once a week or twice a month at least) for everyone who needs it. When I was a student, cost was a major prohibitive factor for me to seek therapy (basically my parents didn't care, and while my school had free therapy, the waiting list was horrendously long. Plus this mental health record will be accessible to faculty in the school, oh joy.) but ofc I'm just saying and have no clue how to even go about this because of capitalistic society, how economies work and yada yada

Tldr: title.
 
Live or Let Die

Live or Let Die

𝗕𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗲𝘀, 𝗟𝗼𝗟𝗗
Mar 15, 2023
89
honestly, a pet. or a romantic partner. something to look after and care for. I'm clearly not loveable enough for a bf or gf and don't have the money for a pet, but yk. if only right?
 
U

user1912012

Member
Mar 9, 2023
34
honestly, a pet. or a romantic partner. something to look after and care for. I'm clearly not loveable enough for a bf or gf and don't have the money for a pet, but yk. if only right?
I agree with you for sure! It would probably save my life too lol
 
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Sulyya

Sulyya

Synergist
Mar 6, 2023
445
To expand on this, to be in a relationship with someone you're in love with. Being stuck as a friend with someone you truly love is torture at its finest.
Good point. I guess I meant mutually being in love with someone.
I feel I could live in a shack if I had that for real.
 
emo_void

emo_void

I just want the pain to end
Mar 17, 2023
14
Asking this because my normie non depressed friend keeps trying to say "find a meaning to live then" but I feel that the only thing I get really emotionally ripped apart by is thinking of other depressed people going through the same thoughts as me……

Personally, i would wish that quality (ie from doctors) therapy was more accessible (ie cheaper AND could be accessible like once a week or twice a month at least) for everyone who needs it. When I was a student, cost was a major prohibitive factor for me to seek therapy (basically my parents didn't care, and while my school had free therapy, the waiting list was horrendously long. Plus this mental health record will be accessible to faculty in the school, oh joy.) but ofc I'm just saying and have no clue how to even go about this because of capitalistic society, how economies work and yada yada

Tldr: title.
for me, an addiction was what kept me going for years. now i dont even have that... some ppl think thats progress, but for me its a loss, a back-slide. 1 less reason to exist. it helped me with the constant physical and emotional pain and suffering. i was functional, alwats had a job and was able to hold them longer than when i wasnt using.

aside from the availability to have an addiction to live for, id say either money to buy happiness or a person to love and love me back. the healthier option would be a shitload of money. then i could get the considerably fucking insane amount of mental healthcare/therapy and proper medication that i so desperately need. and if that dont work, i can buy someones affections to have someone to love. idc if its fake. i just want someone to want me, love me and to love and live life with without the constant worries of being poor, weak and voiceless.

if i had a person that loved me and wanted me and i knew i wasnt going to be abandoned, that would give me a reason to live, to exist and keep trying. ive lived for others for the last several years. its why i made it this far. but my person doesnt want me anymore. i left them to ctb, but i fasiled and now i have all the sorrows of before, plus idh my person anymore. my favorite person in the fucking world! i miss them and idw to this w/o them.

also, this isnt something i can have, but the world could have it with me; i wish i could have a life in a world that wasnt corrupt and there wasnt a 1%, or anything even close. a world where WE all work together, where there isnt an US and THEM. a world that was fair and just. a wolrd where child abuse doesnt happen, isnt allowed to happen. a wolrd where money doesnt fucking exist.
To expand on this, to be in a relationship with someone you're in love with. Being stuck as a friend with someone you truly love is torture at its finest.
so true... omfg! i know that hurt. watching them be with other ppl is a special kind of hell.
 
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tuyu

tuyu

im not afraid to die.
Mar 19, 2023
44
Damn I have been reading through the replies and there are so many responses relating to "romantic love" here. It definitely gets me thinking. Maybe that's why most of my normie friends don't have SI
 
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catastrophix

catastrophix

and my nightmares will have nightmares every night
Feb 20, 2023
94
I'd like a couple of close friends, since loneliness is only making me feel worse. I'd also just like a better world/society— No discrimination or bigotry, help for those who need it, etc.
 
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TransilvanianHunger

TransilvanianHunger

Grave with a view...
Jan 22, 2023
332
A time machine that would take me back to when I was 17, but with all the knowledge I have now... What? That doesn't count? Well, in that case I guess "money" would be the obvious answer. My finances are alright, for the most part, but not having to worry about keeping my finances in check would allow me to focus completely on the things that I want to do right now.
 
ppie41

ppie41

Member
Mar 15, 2023
36
Asking this because my normie non depressed friend keeps trying to say "find a meaning to live then" but I feel that the only thing I get really emotionally ripped apart by is thinking of other depressed people going through the same thoughts as me……

Personally, i would wish that quality (ie from doctors) therapy was more accessible (ie cheaper AND could be accessible like once a week or twice a month at least) for everyone who needs it. When I was a student, cost was a major prohibitive factor for me to seek therapy (basically my parents didn't care, and while my school had free therapy, the waiting list was horrendously long. Plus this mental health record will be accessible to faculty in the school, oh joy.) but ofc I'm just saying and have no clue how to even go about this because of capitalistic society, how economies work and yada yada

Tldr: title.
Tons of money
 
Avyn

Avyn

Experienced
Jan 27, 2021
228
Honestly nothing. No amount of money, love or care could help me get better. I just don't like this world of suffering and fakeness. I'm too different from everyone else. Maybe I would be able to take meds/drugs to turn me into a completely different person but that wouldn't be me, why would I want this?
 
guayabas

guayabas

Student
Mar 19, 2023
167
communism lol
but slightly more realistically, a quaint place to live with lots of natural light that I couldn't be kicked out of would be a huge help
empathy from others, not just for me but for all of those struggling

my kitty is a huge help too. I still wanna ctb, but she's keeping me from doing it

I have a bf but he's a big factor for me wanting to ctb so, it's not all it's cracked up to be. he's not even speaking to me rn bc I told him I didn't want to talk to him until he admitted he was lying to me and trying to gaslight me. I didn't hear what I heard apparently and it's so unfair to him that I don't believe him bc he lies to me all the time.
 
L

LittleJem

Visionary
Jul 3, 2019
2,423
unlimited very strong weed. Am nearly out and can't afford it and useless without it
 
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western_heart

western_heart

trying to save ourself
May 23, 2021
630
Love isn't enough. I was in a relationship with someone I love, but I was still suicidal because of money fears. The relationship ended a few weeks ago after I attempted.

If I had housing and financial security I probably would not have attempted at all.
 
S

ScissorYoda

Member
Mar 19, 2023
23
A different body would help, like someone else said access to good therapy, I was put on a waiting list 3 years ago and haven't heard back. Generally people acting with kindness, if I look back small comments over many years have slowly chipped away at me. And the people who made the comments have no idea, it's a larger cultural issue.

Plus access to ketamine lol, I like ketamine
 
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tuyu

tuyu

im not afraid to die.
Mar 19, 2023
44
A different body would help, like someone else said access to good therapy, I was put on a waiting list 3 years ago and haven't heard back. Generally people acting with kindness, if I look back small comments over many years have slowly chipped away at me. And the people who made the comments have no idea, it's a larger cultural issue.

Plus access to ketamine lol, I like ketamine
Wtf 3 years!! That's insane!!! I'm assuming that's public (and free) healthcare?

Edit:
I'm definitely still reading all your comments and appreciate them. If I ever get the skill and power to change something and make it better for us while we haven't ctb yet, I would sure as hell try my bestest to do so, and will keep your comments here today in my mind…
 
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ratlover223

ratlover223

angelic fairy butterfly
Mar 13, 2023
18
To see my partner everyday and for a better body