Discussion Are you thinking of writing a suicide note?

[TapeMachine]

I bought some nice personalized stationary last year because I'd planned to write to a death row inmate, to be penpals or whatever. I'd seen some of his life story on a documentary, and I felt so sad for him because life and people had really failed him... But then I decided not to contact him, long story.

Anyway: lots of leftover stationary. I figure I might as well write out a few letters to people in my life. I just haven't been able to discipline myself to sit down and compose the letters yet.

The letters will vary somewhat, depending on the recipient. All of them will explain my reasons, as well as the fact that none of the recipients are to blame.

 

[letsmakeitagoodworl]

Man this issue torments me, I don't think I could NOT leave SOMETHING. But shits so complicated and with adhd I go off in tangents & ital be 14 pages long with no structure and ile prob miss my main point. Several years ago I tried to write several. I did write one when I finally attempted & funnily enough it popped up somewhere in the last day or 2 (havnt seen it in forever). I couldn't read it though, and from memory of writing them they left me frustrated like I hadn't been able to say what I wanted or how I wanted to, idk. I usually find I can wrote okay on deep topics & I don't believe I'm good at much, but writing that felt like I was trying to encorperate an ocean into a fishtank

The idea of writing a suicide note comes from the will to leave something behind in this world. At least, that is what I believe. And I don't have anyone to write to. Surely it would make headlines in our country if a student my age decides to ctb. But then what? It's not that rare, in fact, countless students are committing ctb every year. It doesn't matter if I write one or not.

I have nothing for this world, just as the world has nothing for me...

Idk if it helps but it could be seen as a chance to 'have your say' so to speak, I mean like write anything you want without being interrupted. I mean it could be about what you say above! I'm not saying you should just that I think we often think of suicide notes (like anything) as having a certain theme or structure. I'm so sorry you feel you have no one to wrote to, I'm unsure of that means you feel no one cares or that you don't feel close to anyone bit even just reading that makes me want to care...

Strange story from our country. It's a small country and a student in a hall died, it only made headlines because he wasn't discovered for weeks, like it just shouldn't have been able to happen. It also was incredibly odd in his movements before his death, it left ALOT of mystery (I actually attended the independent living hall owned by the same company right next door years ago & that happening was unfathomable before the new company took over who just cared about $$). Anyway he was so decomposed they couldn't tell cause of death, it was said not to be a suicide & the parents said he would NEVER do that, but a year or 2 after it happened I heard from someone who had connections that it actually was a suicide & ?family just dodnt want it all over the news, quite possibly they also dodnt want the suicide effect happening by bringing the story back up to report that. But it was very sad, ile never forget reading about that

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I've written short messages to around 20 people. No explanations per se, just a summary of what they meant to me.

 

[AllMyDreams]

If I get approved for euthanasia the day before it happens I will make a YouTube video or be interviewed by a YouTube channel and basically tell everything about my life. Hopefully it will help some people. Or at least if people know then my life wouldn't have been completely pointless.

But for my loved ones I couldn't imagine writing a note without actually talking to them about my decision... it would wreck them forever. Even if I die my loved ones deserve closure.

 

[FlameWhisperer]

I will leave 2 letters behind: one that addresses the possible people that find my body, authorities and whatnot, mostly with phone numbers and information that might be useful for them to conduct the required procedure after they find me dead, and another one directed to the closest people in my life who, I hope, the authorities can deliver the letter to.

The reason why I am going with a suicide note is simply because the closest people around me have literally 0 idea of my intentions to CTB, and they will be caught off guard very harshly once they learn I am no longer alive. The people that are close to me perceive me as a pro-life kind of individual, one who would never consider to CTB, since I have spent so many years in the dark, and my life improved so much in the past few years, making me show myself (and really actually be) a very emotionally and psychologically stable person.

I feel like I need to explain to them the whys, tell them it's not their fault, since they most likely will think shit like "if I had seen the signs" - even though there is no sign at all to see, specially given my reasons are not physical limitations, or really, in a way, not so much about mental limitations, although related to some. Of course, I realize no amount of words will ease whatever feelings they will have after I am gone, but since I am, in no way, perceived as someone who has any intentions of CTB, it's the least I could do for them, in my point of view.

I'll just leave some explanations, some requests about things that are mine that I wish goes here and there, to ask them to try to make sure I am cremated, if possible, as I do not wish to be buried, to give them some words I would never share while alive, and that's it, pretty much.

 

[Tartuffe]

I'll write one to explain a few things, no one but myself has led me to want to get on the bus. Dont know if the notes will be read, not sure I'd read one for a while if someone close did CTB

 

[ppie41]

Yes. I'm going to make multiple letters for all the people in my life. Some will be longer/shorter than others, but I have unsaid sentiments towards everyone in my life that I want to leave them with when I go.
I don't know how I'll get them out to everyone. I want them to be handwritten, and the plan was to initially mail them so they'd arrive after I ctb, however that would be a very embarrassing situation if my attempt failed and the letters were already on their way. If anybody has any idea on how I can definitely get hand written letters out after my suicide let me know please, if it's not possible, I'll probably send out timed emails or texts or something.

 

[IDontLikeMyself]

I think I might write one. Just to explain some stuff and make sure everything goes as I want it too after I´m gone. Or even if I fail that everything goes to plan because in my plan I calculated this in

 

[Glandular]

There will be one "general" open letter that explains my reasons and that it was my decision alone. For all the important people in my life I will write a personalized letter, letting them know my wishes for them and again reassuring that they were not the cause for what happened.

 

[GoForDeath]

No. I'd rather I didn't write anything and just die.

 

[never mind me]

No, because if I don't write a suicide note there is a decent chance that none of the people that are important to me will ever even find out that I have committed suicide. As I live by myself and am not married to my boy-friend, it would probably take weaks or months for my body to be found. Probably the bad smell of a corpse would at some point attract the curiousity of the neighbors, who would probably inform my landlord who would probably eventually call the cops to break into my apartment (you can't just open with a key from the outside, if you lock from the inside and keep the key in the keyhole). The cops would probably contact my mother as she is my closest living relative. As I haven't had contact with my mother for years, she doesn't know anyone I know. So she couldn't tell anyone that I'm dead. So except her and my landlord nobody would find out about my death. As I don't like my mother and I don't have any emotional bond to my landlord that would suit me perfectly. My boy-friend and friends might come to the conclusion that I just ran awy to go travelling again or something. Although it would be really untyplical for me to go travelling longterm without telling anyone. But it might still be better for my boy-friend and friends to thinkt that I've just gone a bit more crazy and done something irrational rather than committed suicide. Even my mother might benefit from it, especially if I commit suicide by drug overdose. Then she could tell herself that it's due to the fact that I was a messy junky that I didn't want to be in contact with her and not because she did anything wrong. Plus if I commit suicide by drug overdose it's not even clear, if I commited suicide or if it was an accidental overdose:)

 

[iwantrest]

I've written one already. It's pretty long actually and has some mini notes within it for specific people. I might break it out into separate emails. But yeah, I felt like I needed to give my kids and mom a last note telling them how I feel about them and also have some record of what I was feeling for my own sake and to give my family some kind of closure through knowing why I did it.

 

[DerOesi]

If I would commit suicide I would write about what happened to me and why i want to commit suicide. I cant let them believe it was due to depression.

 

[sadjenny]

I will leave a simple note to my sister that reads:

"I am sorry. I love you. I tried. It wasn't your fault."

Nothing fancy! She's the only person I have in the world so I want her to know that I cared for her.

 

[noonipie]

i think it depends on the state im in when i finally do it. if im able to proper plan out everything like sorting it all out beforehand, then i will mostlikely write a nice note to go along with it. but i dont think i need anything that'll drag the process out as to not thwart myplans.will probably go out in an episode

 

[Torch]

Yes, it will be vague and I have very few people who 'care' about me in the world. The majority still in the Netherlands so I wrote it in Dutch too. The police will find me when the mortgage company doesn't get paid, mainly financial stuff. I have an automated email going to my dog's breeder 48 hours after I CTB giving instructions on how to get in to the garage where doggo will be in his kennel with a huge bucket of water and a few cups of kibble. Lucky enough garage is separate from house.

 

[Hunter2005]

Hell no

 

[meatfleshprison]

I plan on writing two, one to my family and one to the most important person, the only person I've ever loved.

I'm not sure what I would write in it, was thinking about it a lot today. I would definitely reassure everyone that it wasn't their fault and that it was inevitable, though I don't think that's entirely true. I would try and keep them short and sweet, as I ramble a lot.

The feeling of writing one is scary, but it's just another step in accepting death.

 

[henry22]

Before your ctb, will you write a suicide note? What will you write in it? Your sufferings? Your mental health condition? If you're comfortable share it in this thread

Definitely. I want to make it absolutely clear that my suicide was not anyone else's fault. I am not upset with the world nor am I even sad. I just have an illness that has deteriorated the quality of my life.

 

[MildlyBetter]

Yes, for all their faults I don't want my parents to beat themselves up horribly about it, and I really don't want to cause much suffering in people after I go, seems kinda vindictive and I am not that kind of person. Same thing for my sister too.

 

[roseleaf]

maybe write a note and leave parts of it in different places…sort of like a mystery. i'd be gone, but it might be fun to go for a hunt, in a dark, sad way. leave it in places i love, then it will finally be known who truly knew me.

but that's just an idea. i've been pondering this question for a long time, and some days i think it's the only good thing i'll do, and other days i wonder if anyone would even bother to read it.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I personally don't see a point in leaving a suicide note; there's no use in making my death more memorable. I don't have any grievances I want to leave people with, what's done is done and the main problem is the fact that I'm alive anyway. Trying to explain to the people who would read my note that I would finally be at peace would be a waste of time because they have extreme views on the value of life. As for leaving some kind of legacy, I really don't care what happens after I die anyway.

This. Exactly.

 

[dancesponge]

Since the police will find my body, My pages of notes are mostly financial ones(pay the mausoleum/cemetery/funeral home, leaving signed blank checks for my stepmother to take care of,,bank account numbers, savings and checking, phone numbers of mtg co), computer password, and of course why I'm CTB'ing to make it clear, and a few warning notes about Nitrogen(I have a huge tank)--and of course my Will prominently displayed also

I pretty sure your stepmother would NOT be legally allowed to just fill out your checks.
You could make a check out to her, dated the day before your CTB.
Once she deposits that she can pay for the various expenses.

From the internet:
"What do you need to do to cash a check from the deceased? If the check is made out to you, the answer is "not much."
The check became legal as soon as the deceased wrote it, so you can take it to your bank and deposit it just as you would any other check. As long as the deceased's account is still open with money in it, the bank should honor the check.
It's best to act quickly, however. In some states, such as California, the bank typically will honor checks for up to 10 days after death."

 

[LastBusHome]

I will be leaving behind a note for my family and a scheduled email for my partner explaining things and instructing them on next steps. I figured out how to properly close my carotids so while I initially felt on the fence, knowing I'm moments away from CTB made me reconsider and definitively decide. Plus, I don't want there to be any confusion or ambiguity about what happened so as to avoid a potential police investigation.

 

[outrider567]

I pretty sure your stepmother would NOT be legally allowed to just fill out your checks.
You could make a check out to her, dated the day before your CTB.
Once she deposits that she can pay for the various expenses.

From the internet:
"What do you need to do to cash a check from the deceased? If the check is made out to you, the answer is "not much."
The check became legal as soon as the deceased wrote it, so you can take it to your bank and deposit it just as you would any other check. As long as the deceased's account is still open with money in it, the bank should honor the check.
It's best to act quickly, however. In some states, such as California, the bank typically will honor checks for up to 10 days after death."

What I learned from my girlfriend's death is never tell the bank she died--JP Morgan Chase closed down her account immediately, and I had to pay a lawyer to open it back up--I should have had my name registered on her account before she passed away
BB & T bank were more liberal, after my mother's death--They didn't close her account for quite awhile, despite being informed of the fact that she died
Yes, I'll write my stepmothers name on a few checks like you suggested

 

[hopeless87]

I will probably write a few but I'm not sure. I don't know if a note will help the people I leave behind or just make it worse.

 

[BoredomSeeker]

I'm not currently planning on writing one, since I'm planning to make my catching of the bus seem like an unfortunate accident.

 

[Dreadle]

I'd definitely leave my will, funeral wishes and instructions.
I won't write much, just explain it's a suicide for the following reasons so the police don't waste their time investigating it. Tell whoever is left that I love them not to blame themselves, it was a long time coming and there wasn't anything they could do.
Short and sweet, anything more feels unnecessary as the world doesn't own me anything and I don't own the world anything.

 

[love_peep]

Yeah i wrote it and in the future i post it here and share this with my friends.

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

Before your ctb, will you write a suicide note? What will you write in it? Your sufferings? Your mental health condition? If you're comfortable share it in this thread

I am going to, mostly apology letters for specific people and individually, maybe an explanation so they don't blame themselves so much…