Discussion Are you suicidal for internal or external reasons? (or both/neither/other)

[Brown-Jacket Revy]

All of the above.

Wasted an entire decade of my life in a waking-dream state doing nothing, thus ending up a loser at 36 with nothing to fall back on.

Constant mental degradation in terms of depression, memory-loss, lack of focus, low energy.

And this year in particular has been like a year of physical injury and chronic pain - Si joint, possible herniated disc, and now chest pain.

I'm fucking tired of never being able to progress, or get better.

Just stagnant suffering.

 

[hi-okbye]

i believe its for external reasons that became internal. if i hadn't gone through so much trauma, i would've wanted to live. but due to all the trauma i went through, it caused mental issues as well, making me want to ctb. so i guess i would say both.

 

[ThanatosFindMe]

A combination of both. No matter how well it's going externally, I can't really seem to be happy. I just feel like I'm going through the motions but I'm not sure what the purpose is...
Then when something bad happens externally, I start seriously thinking about ctb. Usually it resolves within a few days or weeks and I go back to my twilight state of just existing so that I don't hurt others by ctb

 

[tvoisluga]

Both. Started because of the usual (bad experiences and depression) but the more time passed i started to question the point of living itself. Ive been badly abused by a certain relative my age and have issues from that till this day. Mainly foreshortened future. Thats why I like high risk high reward activities for some reason, my brain is greedy and wants to feel thrilled/happy/high all the time, in the past my abusers used my patience against me so now I have no patience at all and want all or nothing, now or never. I dont want to do something that might have good results later , I dont wanna wait for shit because my subconscions is scared I will die all the time. Which is funny given that im suicidal.

 

[Freimann]

Life has been quite boring for the last 5 years or so. Plus the person I love is now with someone better. I can't stand it. It's mainly external, I don't see many problems with me.

 

[SSamGarrison]

I would say more internal. I have a privileged life but I make myself miserable. Lazy, hate myself, pessimistic, mental issues (not of diagnosable severity), etc. Then again, the state of the world makes me feel very hopeless and I would feel better if I knew there was less suffering for others. But in terms of things directly affecting me, it's definitely internal.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I think, internal? it's like the world is nice and all like the original OP, but for sure as heck the external ain't helping.

 

[Ah.ow]

Both. Started because of the usual (bad experiences and depression) but the more time passed i started to question the point of living itself. Ive been badly abused by a certain relative my age and have issues from that till this day. Mainly foreshortened future. Thats why I like high risk high reward activities for some reason, my brain is greedy and wants to feel thrilled/happy/high all the time, in the past my abusers used my patience against me so now I have no patience at all and want all or nothing, now or never. I dont want to do something that might have good results later , I dont wanna wait for shit because my subconscions is scared I will die all the time. Which is funny given that im suicidal.

I wonder about this too, I wonder what high risks/reward activities you found?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My reasons are mostly internal. I hate myself for sabotaging myself so often that I have no choice but to kill the man responsible for sabotaging me even though he is me.