are you setting yourself up for failure? | recovery

[luten]

A few examples ;

1. Procrastination
2. Reading, and watching toxic content
3. Have toxic friends, and or parents
4. Staying in abusive relationships
5. Not letting go of the past
6. Not letting go of anger
7. Blaming others for your problems, and not taking ownership of your well-being
8. Not looking after your body
9. Self-hatred, lack of compassion towards the self
10. The use of illegal drugs
11. Keeping junk food in your cupboards
12. Not learning anything new, not growing as a person.

wolf

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Yes.

 

[WhiteDespair]

If this is setting myself up for failure, then I'll fail my way to success.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

A few examples ;

1. Procrastination
2. Reading, and watching toxic content
3. Have toxic friends, and or parents
4. Staying in abusive relationships
5. Not letting go of the past
6. Not letting go of anger
7. Blaming others for your problems, and not taking ownership of your well-being
8. Not looking after your body
9. Self-hatred, lack of compassion towards the self
10. The use of illegal drugs
11. Keeping junk food in your cupboards
12. Not learning anything new, not growing as a person.

wolf

For sure I'm guilty of 1, 5, 8, 9, and 12. I do eat a lot of junk food though but I don't count 11 because I eat so much junk food that it rarely stays in my cupboard or pantry.

So what though? I already know those things are bad but that won't stop me from doing them. In fact some of those things are the only way I can make my life even remotely bearable enough to not CTB immediately...

 

[WornOutLife]

5, 8 and 11 are really a problem for me.

I'm really much better than some months ago but I just love junk food and not working out at all even though my health will suck and I'll just get fatter lol

 

[luten]

For sure I'm guilty of 1, 5, 8, 9, 12. I do eat a lot of junk food though but I don't count 11 because I eat so much junk food that it rarely stays in my cupboard or pantry.

So what though? I already know those things are bad but that won't stop me from doing them. In fact some of those things are the only way I can make my life even remotely bearable enough to not CTB immediately...

Dear Dr Iron Arc, Thank you for your honesty. I only ask questions, what people do with their own answers is up to them.

wolf

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Dear Dr Iron Arc, Thank you for your honesty. I only ask questions, what people do with their own answers is up to them.

wolf

Fair enough. Wasn't really directing my tirade at you specifically, more at the question itself if that makes any sense...

 

[Dreams and Visions]

1, 2 and 5.

I am extremely burnt out with school work, and I did not make a lot of progress today. I am trying not to beat myself up about it, and give it another go tomorrow.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

If I can do 2 activities a day I call that a success. I'm not gonna worry about what's in my cupboards or what I'm learning lol

 

[Marktheghost]

Yep. 12. Not learning anything new. I desperately need to learn some social skills, but I can't find anyone that cares enough to help me! Not even the NHS or social services give a dam about it!

So there's nothing I can do about it.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

It feels like it. My social anxiety is really bad, but you need to do exposure or it will just get worse and worse. Lately I've done a lot of scary social things related to school, so that in the future I can be better off mentally and emotionally.

It always feels like I'm setting myself up for failure when I join a club, apply to a job, or dm a stranger to ask for help. It might be the case that I am actually doing something that I will end up doing terribly with. I might go to a club meeting where everyone ends up thinking I'm awkward and doesn't want to talk to me ever again.

The "mental illness" part of a situation like that though is centering your whole life on bad outcomes. Whether it's living in fear of those bad outcomes, trying to always prevent them, using drugs or alcohol to get through them, or being unable to cope with them once they happen. The main way I set myself up for failure is by letting my anxiety prevent me from trying anything in the first place. It makes me relieved in the moment, but in the long-term, it leads to failure and dissatisfaction and depression. But I'm trying to recover so that my life isnt like that anymore.

 

[Shadowrider]

A few examples ;

1. Procrastination
2. Reading, and watching toxic content
3. Have toxic friends, and or parents
4. Staying in abusive relationships
5. Not letting go of the past
6. Not letting go of anger
7. Blaming others for your problems, and not taking ownership of your well-being
8. Not looking after your body
9. Self-hatred, lack of compassion towards the self
10. The use of illegal drugs
11. Keeping junk food in your cupboards
12. Not learning anything new, not growing as a person.

wolf

These examples show I am not a beginner at self-sabotage.

1.) We know this from university: if you have a month to complete a task, you will complete it in a month (or two). If you have a week to complete it, you will be magically able to do it in a week's time.
2.) My go-to method of self-harming.
3.) Had both toxic friends and parents. Now I have no contact with them.
5.) Could someone show me how to do this? I know I should not live in the past, just don't know how to stop doing so.
6.) Same as 5.)
7.) Interesting question: I keep feeling guilty for things others did to me. Yes, their actions had a certain impact on my life. Yes, it is me who has to deal with the consequences. Where do you draw the line between recognizing others' responsibility and blaming them for your problems?
8.) I do, but it takes an insane amount of time and effort.
9.) Have nothing to add.
11.) I keep such things in the cupboard but never eat them. (You know you have a problem when you could choose anything guilty and fattening yet you opt for raw veggies or cereals - and you begin to think about how your death certificate would look like. "Cause of death: acute rice cake poisoning" if you don't get a heart or kidney failure.)
12.) I do learn things, too bad I don't learn the things I should.

 

[BandAddict]

1, 5, little bit of 6, 8, 9 and 12.

I could say 11 as well, but to be fair having "junk" food in the house is geared towards recovery, so having none of that would be more harmful if I'm honest with myself.

Also, there could be a 13, being avoiding relationships altogether. People say that's unhealthy, I guess.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I'd say I'm doing a lot to set myself up for failure in life, but I'm kind of leaning towards an opinion that "failure is the only option". I mean, I could've stop doing about 5 things on this list that I am currently doing and then, in theory, I would be setting myself up for success, but what would that success look like? What's the difference, really?
Sometimes I feel that life is like a videogame from the times before the Internet was widespread, with a mythical secret good ending and a million different rumours about what exactly you need to do to unlock it. Except the secret good ending doesn't exist, no matter how much weird esoteric actions you take, how many key combinations you smash at the exact right moment and how many times you restart the boss fight on level 12, everyone gets the same old crappy ending because there just nothing else. Some people would get bored with the game if not for the mythical secret chase, but most just get more frustrated trying to fulfill a complex set of conditions instead of just enjoying the game, and then when they get to the end just throwing their controller in anger wondering what did they miss and how did they manage to mess up, when they were really just fooled into believing golden ending was possible.
Sorry for the tangent.