Are you being forced to stay?

[Ominira]

Hey,

I want to know your experience with being forced to stay here. We all are wanting to jump out of the rat wheel and just go our own way, but a lot of us are being forced to stay because of family, friends, or even just our own survival instinct..

Please list your reasons below. My reason is the fact that my mom made me throw away my full bag of Nitrite & said she would die if I died. Her anxiety has been immensely increased since my suicide attempt this year.. I guess I'm staying because of her & the fact that I screwed up the only chance I had at a peaceful death. Now, I'm forced into a painful one..

I'd love to hear your stories. Thank you.

 

[LackOfDetermination]

When I was younger, I had been mostly kept here by the thought of how my sisters would react if I died, especially if they were the ones to find my body, but after I moved out I've been constantly trying to use auto-hypnosis to keep myself from thinking about that.... unsuccessfully. Though it has helped me to at least not be as affected by my care for them when it comes to ctb; of course I'll make sure to not let them be the ones to find my body. now, I'm only limited by the lack of funds and resources to acquire the materials necessary for my preferred method. However, I'll soon be forced to move back in with them, and they'll help (more like force) me to get another job, and since I won't be paying rent (for a couple months) and most of them will be at school now... Well, I'll either succeed with using my strongest ligature string + hyperventilation-induced syncope to help with partial before then, or move back in with them and purchase a rope once I have enough funds, so really I'm only kept here by time.

 

[raslyakovva]

Hey,

I want to know your experience with being forced to stay here. We all are wanting to jump out of the rat wheel and just go our own way, but a lot of us are being forced to stay because of family, friends, or even just our own survival instinct..

Please list your reasons below. My reason is the fact that my mom made me throw away my full bag of Nitrite & said she would die if I died. Her anxiety has been immensely increased since my suicide attempt this year.. I guess I'm staying because of her & the fact that I screwed up the only chance I had at a peaceful death. Now, I'm forced into a painful one..

I'd love to hear your stories. Thank you

i feel totally like im being forced to stay here because of my parents, my dad used to say that he could never feel alive again if i comitted, i feel really sorry for him because im not even afraid of dying anymore, now i finally have the courage to finally rest in peace

 

[Ominira]

When I was younger, I had been mostly kept here by the thought of how my sisters would react if I died, especially if they were the ones to find my body, but after I moved out I've been constantly trying to use auto-hypnosis to keep myself from thinking about that.... unsuccessfully. Though it has helped me to at least not be as affected by my care for them when it comes to ctb; of course I'll make sure to not let them be the ones to find my body. now, I'm only limited by the lack of funds and resources to acquire the materials necessary for my preferred method. However, I'll soon be forced to move back in with them, and they'll help (more like force) me to get another job, and since I won't be paying rent (for a couple months) and most of them will be at school now... Well, I'll either succeed with using my strongest ligature string + hyperventilation-induced syncope to help with partial before then, or move back in with them and purchase a rope once I have enough funds, so really I'm only kept here by time.

Damn, I've never thought about auto-hypnosis as a tactic, but you said it hasn't really been helping. I believe it's most likely always a financial & spiritual struggle that prevents us from going out peacefully. I really hope you can find the materials & the strength to go through with it. I've been in an NDE & it was the most amazing experience until I woke up.

i feel totally like im being forced to stay here because of my parents, my dad used to say that he could never feel alive again if i comitted, i feel really sorry for him because im not even afraid of dying anymore, now i finally have the courage to finally rest in peace

Wow, the fact that he's holding that over your head. They call us selfish for wanting to die, but they're the selfish ones for forcing us to live a life we hate.

 

[itsgone2]

I feel trapped by si more than anything.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've been forcing myself to stay. My family don't know the extent of what I feel although, it must be obvious I'm miserable.

I do feel like having children is creating a codependent relationship where- not only are we dependent on them- to begin with at the very least, we also end up having to do all sorts of things we may not want to- not to hurt or disappoint them. Including staying alive!

Whether they actually do try to emotionally blackmail us or not- that bond is there (hopefully- even worse in some ways, if it's not) and we know what it will do to them to break it. It just feels like such a mannipulative thing to do to someone. I've grown very antinatilist as I've aged.

Obviously, that's not the ideal of course! I'm sure their hope was that we will have enjoyed our lives. Cherished our bond with them. Been grateful for the experience of life and, all they did for us.

Truthfully, my reality feels more like, they sort of did it with love but, not much sense. My Mum was diagnosed with quite a serious cancer at the same time of conceiving. I wished they'd thought things through better. Not only for them but, for me. The reality of a parent dying. The possible problems of being raised by others. But, I just think parenthood was something they were so intent to experience that they just ignored all of that.

It aggravates me generally though. Children aren't accessories or emotional crutches. It really annoys me- the whole- they bring purpose to someone else's life. What about them though? What happens when they grow up too? Most of us are expected to work. Whether we like the life we're working for or not. I'm just so tired of living and working to appease others.

 

[prettyclam]

Wow we're forced to stay for the same reason!! My dad threw away my SN and basically guards the mailbox to make sure I don't order more. Also I'm too young for a gun, can't afford charcoal stuff, have nowhere to jump, and I'm too afraid of hanging. Having no method is whats forcing me to keep living. SN was my only chance and now it's gone

 

[Irisse]

I am trapped because of my parents. Although they weren't perfect, they love me. My grandma would die of shock if I ctb. And I feel the need to finish university first. It's especially not fair to ctb towards my mother, as her father died after being robbed and beaten and she had a miscarriage after me. But on the other hand, it's not fair towards me to force me to live a life on hard mode due to my mental illness. I'll definitely not ctb until summer 2026. From then, I'll see as I go, whether or not it's fit to stay.

 

[LackOfDetermination]

Damn, I've never thought about auto-hypnosis as a tactic, but you said it hasn't really been helping. I believe it's most likely always a financial & spiritual struggle that prevents us from going out peacefully. I really hope you can find the materials & the strength to go through with it. I've been in an NDE & it was the most amazing experience until I woke up.

Wow, the fact that he's holding that over your head. They call us selfish for wanting to die, but they're the selfish ones for forcing us to live a life we hate.

Autohypnosis has helped me in other ways, it just can't accomplish anything that goes against your values, and one of my most guarded ones is my love of my sisters. I always put myself on the line to defend my sisters from my parents (at least after 6th grade) when they bullied them for their clothing, grades, beliefs, or even just because they went crazy on certain days for practically no reason, even when they threatened to kick me out as a minor, so in truth, it never would have accomplished such a feat of making me go back on them.

i actually got the idea from an old declassified army report about controlling the body more thoroughly with meditation, and obviously didn't believe the results (due to their cooperation with a known scam artist) and chalked them up to autohypnosis and have been using it since. mostly for things like repressing bad memories and feelings though...

 

[darksouls]

I am isolated and alone, so I am not forced to stay, I am not able to commit because I am afraid of reincarnation