Are you 100% sure you're going to ctb?

[gnomeboy17]

This is kind of tricky. I partially attempted on february 20th, but then with lockdown a month later, life got so much less stressful and I no longer wanted to die to that extent. Now things are mostly normal, I'm starting to slip back into wanting to die again..

 

[Rn110bg101]

95% sure.

5% is if my friend comes back and I somehow get back the purpose I used to have… it's so extremely unlikely though.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It may not be as soon as I want it to happen, but I'm about 80% sure it's how I'll die. I've spent the majority of my life believing the odds were about 50%. Given my current life situation, the increased probability is not a stretch.

 

[mapletree]

probably sometime over the next decade. idk if it would be "soon". depends. when the last of my family passes away or drifts away almost certainly

 

[Shinkansen]

I'm 100% sure.
now I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never have a normal and peaceful life like everyone else, I also have health problems that will prevent me from reaching old age, so I will die before my time in any case.

I have everything ready, I just have to find the courage to take a small step forward and all this suffering will end, my only hope is that there is a better place where I can hug my dog again.

I have only one regret: I never gave the first kiss.

 

[Nephthys22]

I don't have hope, I know things won't get better. But I am not 100% sure either. I think I'm afraid of the discomfort and the pain. I think I am afraid that I do not have what it takes to follow through. I desperately do not want to live this life, but I also feel like I might regret my choice.

 

[helpmehelpme]

No, I have had a change of heart and will stay among the living.

 

[wanttodie]

I'm not 100% sure I'm going to ctb

 

[Conker]

Positive. Just look at how ugly this world is. Everywhere you go, everything is crumbling and full of decay. Garbage in the streets, exhaust fumes in the air. How anyone could even want to live in this Hell is beyond me.

This world really has become objectively uglier & more grey, just look at the Google deforestation timelapse for example. And then examine all of the dead coral reef's that used to be brimming with a vivid array of bustling life. Now? It's all dead or mostly dying for the most part. There's even sharks showing up with melting skin due to nuclear waste contaminants. And salmon dying of heart attacks in Alaska.

Attachment isn't inherently evil, but I've yet to find anything or anyone in this world that's worth attaching myself to. Human masks are a dime a dozen, existence has become so cheapened.

Yes. For me it doesn't really matter if my life improves. I have hope that maybe some good things will happen to be before I go but I know my life has to end in suicide.

Same boat here, being personally content is cool and all but it doesn't cure the agony I feel inside. But at least it does a good job of distracting us before we finally bite the bullet.

 

[pika8787]

I can't see another way. Only waiting to be alone for a couple hours to hang myself. I tried once but I was too afraid. I lost hope in everything and everyone.

 

[AvaAdore]

I have wanted this every second since the police officer told me my son died in a car accident Friday October 13, 2017. I plan to go October 13 and meet up with my son in my afterlife. The ONLY thing that could stop me is if my younger son should want to try to work on our relationship, that I destroyed in my devastating grief. I have lost anything that meant anything to me- my kids. I have nothing to loose by CTBing and only look forward to being reunited with my son in my afterlife.

Does your younger son know that you are suicidal? If not maybe it's worth telling him so you can see if he wants to make an effort to improve your relationship? I imagine he would feel really guilty if he didn't know that you were thinking about it and that if he had tried to help you that you would still be here.

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

If the world won't take me out of it, I'll take myself out. I know I'll CTB eventually unless I happen to die by some accident or physical illness like cancer. The only thing keeping me here is my mother. I know when she is no longer around (which hurts me to even say), I'll definitely no longer be here.

I fully relate to this. I've already lost my mom (worst thing that ever happened to me) so once my dad goes I'm out.

 

[voyager (D)]

It is foolish and futile to hope for decades for something that will never happen. Because of my age, I'll be walking into the dark soon anyway. I just want to increase the speed a little to save myself from unnecessary suffering.

To have to go on like this for another 25 years would be my biggest nightmare.

I've already lost my hope and my fear. If I manage to let go of my sadness now, then I will be prepared.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Yes I'm 100% sure. Natural death scares the shit out of me. I just haven't picked a date yet.

 

[Squiddy]

It's 50-50% for me. Depends on how much more of this life I can take. I'm not exactly sure too because I don't want to hurt my family and friends.

 

[Cherrypea]

Yes I am but unfortunately have to stay for now for my children.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

To answer the OP yes i'm 100% sure i will commit suicide. Just one reason of many is that most natural deaths are painful deaths in hospitals or nursing homes and that's not for me:

Who By Very Slow Decay

[Trigger warning: Death, pain, suffering, sadness] I. Some people, having completed the traditional forms of empty speculation – “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, &#8220…

slatestarcodex.com

No. I'm scared even of the SN method, so even though I'd love to go, I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it.

Getting over the fear of pain , the fear of death and the fear of failure are daunting tasks. I'm trying to get myself to focus and to find a way so that i can do massive daily repetitions of affirmations and visualizations to overcome all these fears of mine.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

Does your younger son know that you are suicidal? If not maybe it's worth telling him so you can see if he wants to make an effort to improve your relationship? I imagine he would feel really guilty if he didn't know that you were thinking about it and that if he had tried to help you that you would still be here.

Yes he knows. He had to listen to me for the first yr and a half after his brother died saying I want to die. In my twisted mental state I even asked him for permission. I'm pretty sure he has wondered why I haven't gone yet. I wish I could take back all I put him through during that year and a half. Shock, grief and total devastation I snapped.

 

[lostangel]

100% sure one day I will.

 

[TheQ22]

I've even changed from wanting it to look like an accident to just doing it, who cares once you're dead, you're not going to know anything about anything.

 

[inflammed123]

Or you have any hope?

In the words of mike tyson....everyone's got a plan until they get hit in the face. Saying you are 100% sure doesn't mean you will be 100% able to overcome the SI when the time comes, because no1 knows until that point.

 

[Lupgevif]

Something may happen and stop me. But I don't have hope anything will happen. So I am sure.

 

[BrokenGirl]

100% sure

 

[rundschlinge78]

I am 110% sure that I want my life to end, sooner rather than later.
I am 110% sure that I want to die by full-suspension hanging.
Unless some accident kills me first, or renders me physically unable to do it, that is how I will die.
I am 100% sure that when I hang, it will be successful.
The only question is when.
Probably January (2021).

 

[Deleted member 17949]

idk probably maybe, who knows

 

[nothing but agony]

I am a very pessimistic person
But this time and only this time, I am optimistic. I am optimistic about my ctb because of the effort I have been putting into making it happen
100% here

 

[cyberlordsumit]

Saturday im hotel room. SN

Go in peace mate.. I hope your resolve led you to somewhere you wanted to be.

 

[ItsOverIsntIt]

Yeah i want to ctb but im still figuring out how to get what i need. Plan on doing it in october

 

[puppy9]

For me it's yes. What is the purpose of recovering if my real life situation is so fucked up? I'm so broke now that I'm worrying about how I can afford my meds. Fuck the world.

CTB is my early retirement plan. I'm broke as fuck. Money makes the world go around, and I have none of it.

 

[HelloHell]

Yes. Definitely. It's just a matter of when for me