Are you 100% sure you're going to ctb?

[inactive]

Unless I am swept away by natural causes, I know I am going to catch the bus one day. It's a matter of when, not if.

 

[LastWhisper]

Honestly, there is a hope for me, I mean that I'm pretty sure that I can live a "normal" life even with the most of my issues in the future, but every time when things go better or something gives me any motivation to live, I just want to break and ruin them all and go to CTB. So the answer is yes. The question is in time.

 

[Lux]

I'd say I'm 90% sure that I'll do it sometime. Unless I do a 180 degree turn and start doing well for some reason.

 

[TAW122]

Yes, I am. It is merely a matter of timing and circumstance (mainly the latter). So it's not "if" or "would", but a matter of when. Given the right catalyst and conditions, I would no doubt go through with it.

 

[Niirvana]

Yes

 

[Huntfish34]

I'd say I'm around... 80%,. I Know I have hope and that I can get through this ,. It's just I don't really want to most days. And I don't think I'm worth it either, for much of my hope and faith has been lost with myself. This fucked off world we all live in certainly doesnt help matters.

 

[snowman626]

yes and even if i were to become a multi millionaire and have unlimited abundance i would still CTB. its just a matter of when. if i had more money i would CTB a bit later, but would still CTB eventually. its not a depression thing where im CTBing because im sad or whatever, its a control thing where i feel i have the right to decide when and how i die since i didnt get to decide any of those things when being born.

 

[Mimi79]

Yes, I will definitely take the bus when I'm ready for it.

 

[DFFP]

Yes, when i'll be ready

 

[FatalSystemError591]

I have wanted to since I was 7 years old. I didn't have the terminology then but wishing I was never born and that I just wanted to disappear. I know one day I will, I am looking for a method that works for me. The only thing really stopping me is my gf right now. She's the only good thing I have in my life. But she knows I want to ctb anyway so it shouldn't be that much of a surprise. I talk about it a lot.

At this point, I'm 25 now. A couple attempts, self harm... its only a matter of time and the method.

 

[Meditation guide]

I know that if I don't it's going to be much much more horrible than I can even imagine probably sooner than I think.

maybe even worse than this:

 

[Nigh]

I have tried so many times, but I don't know where I'll be if I don't. I'm losing it and I dont think I'll get it back. And it's 2020, stranger things have happened...so maybe this will be the year, lol.

 

[Lupgevif]

Updating my situation: at the same time I have become surer about my attempt, I am also surer SI will kick in. Guess I'll only know when I try. So I am sure I will try, I am not sure I will succeed.

 

[A19S10H]

90% is ready but im scared of the pain. I tried to drown myself yesterday but I chickened out. But by next Christmas I'll be gone.

 

[Lilacmoon]

Absolutely 100%.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I'm sure, I just don't know when, that's the problem.

 

[vacant_n]

Right now? No. I really do want to imagine a way I can come out of this relatively intact, and that's what I'm looking for every single day. The problem is it doesn't seem to exist, and the longer this goes on the more exhausted I get. I really am trying to hold out, though.

Long term? It's hard for me to imagine dying any other way. Even when I was mostly stable it seemed so obvious that eventually I would reach a point where it would be my best option. I'm only having so much difficulty now because I thought I had years or even decades left before that became the case.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

yes 100%

 

[Mr2005]

I'm 100% certain I'll never be happy. I've had no hope for ten years yet here I am. I know the common sense thing to do is to accept I failed and die because I'm not going to be able to accept it and live. My only hope is for some kind of miracle but they don't exist. I know my life could have been good and it makes doing either so hard. It wasn't though so what now?

 

[Sherri]

There's days I just wanna die, others I can bare. One thing is for sure, if the world doesn't come back to the way it used to be before this, I don't wanna be part of it.

 

[There Look! Nothing]

I have no job, no qualifications and no friends. Literally no friends, not in sense of hyperbole. Socially isolated long before COVID made it popular.
I was abused and essentially abandoned as a child. I'm insanely depressed and scream in a void where no one can hear me and no one cares to, every single day.

I tried making friends, they don't hear me because they haven't been subject to my experiences. The same for everyone else, so I can't heal, so I can't get qualifications, so I can't get a job.

I almost tried getting qualifications, first what was left of my life went to shit, and then COVID happened.

I'm fucked. Every kind of advisor dances around just saying it to me.

I don't want to have survived this long just to slave away at another dictator for decades, playing catchup for the chance I'll one day have enough money to just forget any of it even matters. To move away somewhere and live the final years of my life alone as I always am, but satisfied in that I'm not stuck in the hamster wheel. And then I'd just die anyway. That's my reward.

This life is a sham and has been from the start, if you knew it all you'd probably agree. I'm not unconvinced I'm in a circle of Hell.


I have no other reasonable option for relief / to prevent myself from going completely fucking insane but to kill myself. So yeah, while I can still tell up from down, I'm 100% sure.

 

[SipSop]

Yes.

 

[TooConscious]

I think I've procrastinate it so long it's become the norm to scrape survival even though possibility of a happy future is fuck ed due to self jeopardising. I want to die I just don't know if I can by my own hand my so is to strong because I'm obviously weak in the suicidal constitution part. I may have to piss off some Gangsters who will kill me.

 

[Marauder]

Yes, it is my destiny... I hope I will end it until December 2020

 

[grungeCat]

Yes, there's no hope for me. I'm so socially disabled I will never liberate from the yoke of this loneliness. I don't have anybody and there's no chance I will ever. I've been struggling with depression for 14 years. Fucking 14 years of sobbing, being beaten and abondoned. 5 different antidepressants, therapy, even mental hospital (oh my god, polish mental hopsitals are worse than the prison! Literally! They are not helpful at all!) and there's still no hope. I've done everything I could. It lasts way too long. The only thing I regret is that I didn't ctb earlier.

 

[Superdeterminist]

No. I'm sure that I want to, but I don't know for sure if I will ever be able to.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Or you have any hope?

Yes i'm 100% sure i will commit suicide. What am i going to wait till i'm 92 and demented or until i get a stroke or become jobless and homeless for what reason should i risk these nightmares becoming reality ?

 

[_Kaira_]

100% yes now

 

[Painless_end]

I'm 100% sure I want to CTB but I haven't been able to actually do it.

 

[BrokenHopes]

No Im not sure. I decided to give life a last shot. Im am currently on that journey. Suicide is more of a comfort blanket at the present. It helps for relief. Although I am not sure I would be able to go through with it if necessary. Since I have come to be an important person for a few people close to me. Which is in itself weird.