are u sabotaging yourself?

[emptywings]

bc i feel like i'm sabotaging myself somehow. i completely stopped taking the pills my psychiatrist gave me. i'm sure my depression is creeping back because of that. idk why i do this. maybe it's some way of punishing myself. sometimes i lock myself in a room with a heater and let the gas fill the room, but i end up turning it off. i feel at peace when i put myself on the edge.

do u guys have any way u do something similar?

 

[vinicuit]

i feel you
it's like the last couple of years i've been sabotaging myself, i skip meals everyday, i either sleep too much or less than 2 hours, i isolate myself from people constanly, i stop talking to people i know care about me, i spend days withouth human contact... and i only feel more anxious and more depressed everyday. i feel at peace when i remember i'll be dead in months or years

 

[emptywings]

i feel u sm

 

[spellbound]

I try to sabotage myself as much as possible to push me to ctb, because obviously the worse my life is the more chance I have to ctb. It's a kind of motivation to ctb. But I wonder if that's really true or if I'm just afraid of doing the right things and too lazy to put in the work. Maybe both are true at the same time

 

[emptywings]

i feel you sm

 

[Ludath]

Yeah. Half the time i can't tell if it's purposeful or not. I swear I'm doing my best, or what i think will make me feel better, but i also know i shouldn't be doing whatever it is I'm doing. It's endless, and miserable.

 

[LonelyPrince]

I can relate to this. I suppose self harm can be seen as sabotaging: I sometimes put a plastic bag over my head and try to suffocate myself only to feel that high and adrenaline. When I had access to my pills I used to take them a ton all at once to see what would happen.
Depression and self hatred can pull you towards dangerous behavior.

 

[letmerestpls]

i self-sabotage almost every day. its a damn nightmare that i can't seem to break out of even though i know it will bite me in the ass later, often in ways that put me in bad state mentally and push me further into ctb. some days are good, still, but the bad days often outnumber them. i just hope i can keep pushing through it and i hope you will too, in your own way.

 

[valar_morghulis21]

bc i feel like i'm sabotaging myself somehow. i completely stopped taking the pills my psychiatrist gave me. i'm sure my depression is creeping back because of that. idk why i do this. maybe it's some way of punishing myself. sometimes i lock myself in a room with a heater and let the gas fill the room, but i end up turning it off. i feel at peace when i put myself on the edge.

do u guys have any way u do something similar?

Kinda? I mean I'm not actively doing anything to put my life endanger or financially suicide, but I'm also not really doing anything to help myself get better. I just maintain the baseline of survival at this point. I recently got fixated on dental care and start flossing and use whitening strips regularly so I guess that's an improvement

 

[emptywings]

I can relate to this. I suppose self harm can be seen as sabotaging: I sometimes put a plastic bag over my head and try to suffocate myself only to feel that high and adrenaline. When I had access to my pills I used to take them a ton all at once to see what would happen.
Depression and self hatred can pull you towards dangerous behavior.

i feel you sm