Discussion Are all white lies bad?

[Forever Sleep]

Not sure whether this has been discussed before. Do you tell white lies? In what sense? I imagine, most of the time, it's to try to protect others or, yourself. Are they always ultimately bad do you think? Is it better to always be honest- no matter how painful it might be?

I imagine many of us are telling white lies to cover up our ideation. Or, at least, we're not telling the full truth of how we feel.

Do you go along with white lies about others though? For instance, I don't tell my parents what I truly think about my childhood and, ways they acted because- there's nothing they can do to fix it now. I don't think they entirely did things malliciously either. It was just a complete turmoil of a situation with (or, because of- I would argue,) a suspected narcissist. I don't think many people are well equipped to navigate such situations. Even more strangely, I'm not sure if they had acted differently, whether it would have made things better or worse!

But, it feels kind of important to keep up some charades to maintain some sort of friendly, family relationship with them. That's gotten harder to maintain though, the older and more resentful I've gotten. Things are starting to slip out here and there. Maybe that's good though. Maybe that gives me more context/ reason for not being the loving daughter I should be and maybe, might have been. I should probably be mature enough to ne that anyway but, I'm not.

Do you do this also? I suppose white lies are a form of diplomacy in a way.

 

[cloudyskye]

I do to an extent I go along with what other think of themselves. They'll say things like I'm a hard worker (they're not) I have no time for ____. (They do) etc.. I will say though the older I get the less inclined I am to go along with it. I tend to call people out not in huge public ways but personally. When they say things that are patently untrue I don't just agree with them all the time any more.

 

[Apathy79]

I'm not sure about actual lies, but not telling the full truth like in the examples you mentioned I think is basically essential.

"I think your wife is hot and fantasised about her the other day, and probably will again soon"

"I think your political views are so despicable and juvenile, it makes it hard to comprehend you're really 35"

"It's really hard to look at your face. Like I'm trying to be polite and not look away, but you need to fix that mole desperately"

"I haven't washed the dishes in almost a month. I sprayed them with bug spray the other day because of the things growing on them"

There are a million of them. In social situations, these are best avoided entirely, or danced around delicately! I can usually avoid outright lying, but noone is getting the full truth.

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

Used to think that "white lies" refers to things like cheating on income tax

 

[CogitoMori]

The only good lies save lives. It's not fair to give someone an altered version of reality when they ask you something

 

[LostLily]

Some lies we have to use to protect people and their feelings

" no you didn't gain weight"

"No, I didn't order poison from the web with the intention of using it to take my life""

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

"White lies" often serve a diplomatic function. In that sense, I am not completely against them—I value clear and honest communication quite highly, and would prefer to tell the truth every time, but it is not always doable in reality. Humans and their emotions are a complex thing, and sometimes it is preferable to dance around the truth a bit, if it means sparing someone some unnecessary hardship or suffering. I'm not so in favour of using them to save ourselves from trouble, though; I value personal responsibility quite highly, too, and lying to get around consequences feels off in that regard, though I would be lying if I said I don't fall into this particular trap myself sometimes.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Not, in a way if they are only about your own business.

 

[Pluto]