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I have just about every ear symptom going.
Patulous eustachian tube dysfunction in the left, multiple surgeries to try and fix it but only made things worse. Relentless ear clicking that other people can hear sat 3 feet away from me that keeps me awake at night and unable to concentrate in the day. Ear tube in the left due to permanent filler being injected into my eustachian tube walls which have made it completely dysfunctional. Pulsatile tinnitus in the left. Chronic eustachian tube dysfunction in the right, stabbing pains, unable to talk without it feeling like some form of trigeminal nuralgia in the rights, loud cracks, tinnitus and an ear tube in the right also. It's a mess.
Oh.... that sounds very difficult. What do the doctors say where it comes from? Did it suddenly appear?
I can totally empathize. I've only been doing this for a few months but am hit in multiple directions with ZERO options and little to no hope. My family is very religious and because I am married, my spouse would NEVER go for this. I don't think even if I got divorced (I've considered it) that they would accept me as it would likely make the news here in my country and be bad publicity.....for reasons I would rather not reveal here. I considered reaching out to them just to ask but it's likely pointless. I never expected to be in this place like you and it's been eye opening. I have always viewed life as precious, even when suffering previously and I still do but there's only so much torture a human should have to endure.
Do you also have hyperacusis? This is one of my tortures ATM.
Really not sure. Patulous eustachian tube dysfunction can be from weight loss, dehydration, hormones (mainly women on the pill or pregnant), atrophy of mucosa within the eustachian tube from sinusitis or infection, but also 1/3rd if cases have an unknown cause. The patulous thing just crept up on me. Would happen occasionally and then became more frequent over time. Everything gradually has just gone to shit with my ears. I can't even hold a conversation now without being in pain. I have to whisper and even that causes some pain.
100% resonate with all you've said. I've literally broken down in floods of tears begging for my family to let me go. Them not supporting me or even wanting to entertain such a thing made me feel incredibly trapped and like they were pinning me down. Almost like saying it doesn't matter how much you're suffering (there is no limit), you have to endure this. Fucking scary. What God would allow this to happen is beyond me. I'm not religious person say. I do think there has to be something more to what we know, but I don't believe there is this almighty one God that would punish innocent people for relieving their suffering.
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Earache is really challenging. I have neuralgia in my ears, too. But I found out how to make it a bit less painful.
I sometimes couldn t even lift up my head anymore to get up in the mornings, the pain was so excruciating.
My GP just said what it is, a neuralgia, downplayed the problem.
I sometimes couldn t even lift up my head anymore to get up in the mornings, the pain was so excruciating.
My GP just said what it is, a neuralgia, downplayed the problem.
Yes, yes, and yes. I have been told that too and to stop being so negative, there are people suffering worse than me. It doesn't matter, I just have to live through it. I feel like a trapped, desperate animal. For a while, I was hell bent on getting people to understand how bad this is so they could give me the go ahead pass but it's clear that they never will. I haven't had my issues as long as you and am just now getting booked to specialists but I have researched enough to know there is NOTHING that can be done. My stomach is trashed too, another "rare" thing I am dealing with. 3 pretty rare conditions. I also am a believer but my faith is waning, admittedly. I've suffered through some pretty bad stuff in life but never expected this. I'd rather be healthy and happy in prison or on the streets, TBH.
I am going to guess that you will get accepted, especially if you have family support.
Head pain is no joke either. I am sorry you are suffering with it. I had chronic daily headaches and neuralgia for 18 months years ago and it eventually went but I had anxiety every time getting a headache again after.
GP's are useless when it comes to specific or specialised conditions. All they really know how to do is prescribe medications and refer you to an actual specialist if it's a condition that a medication won't take care of. Even a lot of specialist are useless, both on the NHS and privately. You have a set amount of time with them and if it's anything out of the audionary they just shrug their shoulders and send you on your merry way, or say you need to work on your mental state. Fucking bullshit that we let people live in pain and misery with conditions that there are no treatments for.
I agree...... the question is just, should we really end our lives bc of these incapable doctors and health care professionals? I don t know. It s unbearable, yes. But ending one's life is very tough, too.
You sound exactly like me in terms of how you are feeling about what's happening to you and how others refuse to accept that not existing is better than existing with chronic and debilitating conditions that leave you suffering and with no quality of life. What's the fucking point in being on this plant if your only existence is suffering. Gets me so angry that even your loved ones refuse to accept you going and would rather you be around suffering than to not be around at all. But for what!!?? My personal view is that when you truly love someone, you do everything you can to protect them and that includes not letting them suffer from incurable conditions that cause severe physical and psychological torment.
This world needs to change big time. Voluntary assisted death should 100% be made available. None of us asked to be here so why should we be forced to stay and suffer, makes absolutely no sense.
It's not like if you made voluntary assisted dying legal that people would be queuing around the corner to die. Healthy people want to live! It's human nature to want to survive. If my ear conditions could be taken away I would instantly delete my account from this site and be back out there living life.
I have been so badly damaged by medicine and medical professionals. Are you suffering a lot of physical pain?
Yes, lots of physical pain in the right side of my inner face. It's like the muscles or the tissues of the eustachian tube have pieces of glass inside, so any movement of my face is like getting stabbed. I spend all day/night trying to keep my face as still as possible, which is like a form or mental torture.
I wish you the best and get approved in the shortest time possible.
I would want to speak openly with family about Pegasos application but I'm too scared that that would devastate them. I'm a coward and I think I would prefer to do it on my own than telling them and seeing their reaction. I know that if I CTB or get a VAD, I would devastate them, but I'm just too coward to see them down. I prefer not to see anything of that.
Some years ago a friend of mine agreed to go to Switzerland with me. I don't know if she is still willing to do that for me because we don't talk much nowadays. But even if she goes with me, not telling my family would be hard. I talk with them most of the days by phone, and I would have to turn my mobile off for days and resist not turning it on, just imagining their worries about me disappearing, or either talk with them and lying saying I'm at home. All of the alternatives are very hard to me emotionally and don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I should be brave and tell them my plans, but I just can't.
I would want to speak openly with family about Pegasos application but I'm too scared that that would devastate them. I'm a coward and I think I would prefer to do it on my own than telling them and seeing their reaction. I know that if I CTB or get a VAD, I would devastate them, but I'm just too coward to see them down. I prefer not to see anything of that.
Some years ago a friend of mine agreed to go to Switzerland with me. I don't know if she is still willing to do that for me because we don't talk much nowadays. But even if she goes with me, not telling my family would be hard. I talk with them most of the days by phone, and I would have to turn my mobile off for days and resist not turning it on, just imagining their worries about me disappearing, or either talk with them and lying saying I'm at home. All of the alternatives are very hard to me emotionally and don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I should be brave and tell them my plans, but I just can't.
another_creature
You can't do a double suicide alone
- Sep 14, 2023
- 23
Are y
I read a bit into their website, I love the idea, I have the money but probably not the documents, I did not want my journey to be documented.
Are you determined to go through with it? How long did it take and how difficult was it to obtain the documents?
I read a bit into their website, I love the idea, I have the money but probably not the documents, I did not want my journey to be documented.
Yes, I'm determined to go through with it if my ear conditions cannot be cured. I'm still actively trying to find treatments but not having much success.
The application itself is done online and doesn't take too long. Hardest part is obtaining medical records, although that for me wasn't too difficult. I just sent a Subject Access Request (SAR) to my GP and they sent my medical records electronically within 3 weeks.
My application with Pegasos is under review at the moment. They advised 6-8 weeks to find out of approved from the date of submitting the application and paying the deposit.
I m always scared doctors write that there a more treatments for my condition, when in fact I have tried everything possible. Do you know what he/she wrote?
I hope you get the solution you desire. I would be happy to accompany you. My initial inquiries with Pegasos are that I would be likely approved. I am contemplating a visit to them (or at least Switzerland, and the area) ahead of a VAD, because I like to know exactly what I'm in for.
Dark Window
Specialist
- Mar 12, 2024
- 392
I hope they accept you if it's what you truly want.
May I ask how you got the DDMA ingredients? I guess you know what you're doing with the dark web?
May I ask how you got the DDMA ingredients? I guess you know what you're doing with the dark web?
Hi, easiest thing to do is click on my profile and take a look at my first post.
Dark Window
Specialist
- Mar 12, 2024
- 392
HI,
Diazepam - Dark web, although also east to get on the clear web in the UK
Digoxin - Clear web through a genuine international online pharmacy
Morphine - Dark web
Amitrip - A supplier who is on both the clear and dark web. Genuine prescription medication from a pharmacy. I also have this on prescription too
No worries, this is exactly when I sent to Pegasos as my reasons for applying:
Life altering chronic debilitating multiple ear conditions.
In March 2019 I developed an extremely rare ear condition called patulous eustachian tube dysfunction. The tube that connects from the back of your nose to your middle ear space which is responsible for regulating ear pressure became dysfunctional. A normal functioning eustachian tube remains closed at rest and only opens very briefly upon swallowing or yawning. My left eustachian tube became open (patulous), meaning I could hear my own voice and breathing extremely loud. This made communication almost impossible which in turn had a huge impact on my work, social life, relationships and mental well-being.
I've had numerous operations to try and correct the issue but unfortunately this has only made things worse. I've had ear tubes, bioplastique filler injected, shims stitched inside my head etc. all of which have not cured the problem but also introduced further debilitating issues. Due to the permanent filler injected inside the tissues of my eustachian tube (which cannot be taken out) I now get severe ear pain, tinnitus, ear pressure and relentless clicking/popping sounds which mean I cannot think clearly or sleep properly at night.
To add further insult to injury, my right right eustachian tube has also become completely dysfunctional and unable to regulate ear pressure. I get chronic stabbing pains, loud crackling, clicking, strange sensations from within the eustachian tube and on the inside of my face. I'm unable to speak without being in chronic discomfort.
I've had numerous operations, seen every specialist possible, tried counselling, CBT therapy, medications etc, all to no avail. I've literally exhausted all avenues over the last 5 years, but unfortunately there is no cure for these conditions and things have and are getting progressively worse.
I'm at the point now where I have lost everything in my life due to these conditions which are completely outside of my control. I've lost all my friends, zero social life, cannot look after myself, cannot work and recently had to move back home with my elderly parents who are currently looking after me.
There is no cure, no hope and no future for me. I've battled for 5 years but as things have become so severe I've had enough and simply cannot take anymore. These ear conditions are like mental torture on a daily and nightly basis and I want this unbearable suffering to end.
To summarise the issues:
1. Hearing my own voice and breathing (PET) extremely loud in my left ear. This is often unbearable and makes talking/breathing exhaustingly difficult, uncomfortable and painful.
2. Relentless ear clicking/popping that means I cannot concentrate during the day or sleep at night. I literally cannot escape the clicking sounds inside my ears. The clicking is sometimes so loud that other people can hear it externally, so you can only imagine how loud the sounds are to me. When I do eventually get to sleep, I'm then woken up multiple times throughout the night due to the pulsatile tinnitus, tinnitus and relentless ear clicking. This leaves me frantically pacing around the house in the early hours in a complete state of distress as I am unable to sleep or do anything to get these sounds to stop. The lack of sleep leaves me exhausted both physically and mentally.
3. Pressure/pain inside the head where the permanent and non-reversible filler has been injected into the tissues of the eustachian tube.
4. Permanent filler inside the tissues of my eustachian tube meaning it no longer regulates ear pressure correctly.
5. Pulsatile tinnitus in the left ear.
6. Tinnitus in the right ear.
7. Sharp stabbing pains from within the inner ear space, especially when breathing or talking.
8. Unable to communicate without being in severe discomfort/pain.
9. Ear tubes in both eardrums which will maintaining for life and replacing when they fall out, otherwise causing further issues.
10. Unable to work due to the conditions causing lack of sleep, unable to concentrate or communicate without being in pain and distress.
11. Unable to socialise or doing anything physical as this makes the ear symptoms even worse. I've always been a very physically active and sociable person, taking pride in being independent and looking after myself by eating well, going to the gym and exercising, but now none of this is possible.
12. No quality of life and no cure for the conditions I have, despite seeing multiple specialists over the years and trying both therapeutic and surgical procedures.
13. Burden to my elderly parents who are now having to look after me.
14. No future prospects due to the unbearable ear conditions.
15. Having to avoid people wherever I go as it causes too much pain and discomfort trying to engage in conversations.
16. No inner peace due to the relentless clicking, popping, pain, hearing my own voice/breathing crippling loud, stabbing sensations etc.
Thanks for your very swift reply. I still need to learn how to do the dark web safely (Am also in the UK)
It's actually quite easy once you get the hang of it. You basically need a TOR browser, PGP keys, Cryptocurrency (Bitcoin is what I use) and to know which DN markets to use and register an account with.
You know what yes I would go with you, if you need anyone i will try my best to make your last days somewhat Okey then do the swiss law thing
Im from Norway just send me a DM if you need me for this
Im from Norway just send me a DM if you need me for this
I've heard of the Tor browser and bitcoin, not sure about the other stuff. A little concerned about things getting delivered to my home. Anyway thanks for the info. Really hope you are accepted!
Thanks. Yes I too was nervous about getting things delivered to my home, but the thing is when ordering via the DW, you were essentially never there, so no trace of your transactions. If something was delivered to your home and the police were informed, you would simply deny any knowledge and it would be impossible for them to prove you ordered anything. That's why the DW came about, complete anonymity.
That was a good application. It's convinced me. Hopefully, it'll convince them.
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Another thing i wondered is how do you know that what you've ordered is what it says it is? Or is this just a risk you take?
Sorry if I'm asking too many questions, new to all this. Appreciate your responses so far.
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