Discussion Anyone who thought their life was gonna get better and didn't?

[Obliviate]

I would like to hear some stories of when people were young, had hope and crap so they continued living listening to all the "positivity spiritual shit" and things just got worse? I really hate the forced positivity that people push upon us "Things will get better" yeah tell that to all the innocent people around the world who are homeless, starving, getting violently killed, raped and sex trafficked. The whole "Have a positive attitude and good things will happened" is a bunch of bullshit. Or "if you say you have bad luck then you will have bad luck" no you dumb ass I have bad luck because no matter how nice and courteous I am to people the universe just hates me and grants me with horrible luck. I don't wanna have any hope because it's dead and has been for a long time unless your white male, rich and privileged.

 

[flightless bird]

Losing loved ones made me understand the truth of this world at a very young age. The "positivity shit" is a social construct and is needed for political structures to function, but most people wake up at some point.

I have no hope whatsoever. I enjoy elevator music occasionally, it calms me down, but death is the only truth I know.

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

I think the point of our lives is to find some sort of love before we die, and subconsciously we won't allow our selves death until we get it. It doesn't matter if it's kept or lost or die because of it. The positivity stuff is supposed to help with that, even if it is a construct.

I'm a white male, privleged in some ways but not others. Horrible parents but they took care of me enough to survive like a cuckoo. Did okay inschool, did the work but didn't be myself. Horrible social life/self discipline and now stuck into a hell of my own design. When ever people asked about my dreams, it was always a different story because I never wanted to do anything. Sure I looked into things but I never cared beyond that. And my mental illness and bad parenting killed my life's potential before I thought about really trying.

I'm not sure what you're life has been like, but no matter what happened to you or what you've done, even if people people demonize you, you're not a bad person. Even if you want to die, forgive yourself in the end. No matter what.

 

[lemonhoney]

I think I was too entitled when I was young. Nothing was difficult for me, and I didn't have any direction. This led to a defeatist mindset where when things got hard I just gave up and did the next thing. Things are good on paper, I come from a good family, have good friends, education and a job, but it's not good enough for me and I can't blame anyone else but me.

 

[theboy]

Many times I have thought "Okay, now life is smiling at me"
Just is a cruel lie.

 

[lionetta12]

I'd sit in my bedroom every day for a year when I was 11, skipping school due to enourmous trauma, PTSD and risks of being kidnapped, with a knife in my hand or on my pillow most of the time. I wanted to die to badly and I cried to myself alone every day. I only didn't stab myself because I had so much anxiety related to the possibility of failing and the pain that I would endure. It was hard to imagine how that physical pain would be like and how I'd be able to handle it, when I was already in so much pain mentally.

Eventually I stopped holding that knife in my hand every day and having it on my pillow when I turned 12 because I told myself that things will get better once I'm 18, you can do whatever you want then, be independant, protect myself, remove myself from this situation and the toxic environment and make my own choices legally.

By 18 things did not get any better, so I pushed for being optimistic for age 20. By age 20 nothing was going anywhere but downhill. Everything was getting worse. So I then pushed for 22. By 22 I had achieved all my life goals pretty much and I had moved, removed myself from any traumas and bad situations, gone through every therapy there is for PTSD, except for ECT which I am denied, without much improvement. I felt no joy from anything nor any happiness. Since age 11, I can only count on one hand how many times I have truly felt happy, each moment lasting anywhere from 1 hour to 2 weeks at a time.

I am now 24, I have experienced everything I have wanted to except for having kids and marrying, which is honestly never going to happen and I'm learning to accept that now. I have had great jobs, I have achieved so much for my age, I have finished what I've wanted. I am stable and secure financially. I have all the items I ever wanted. I have supporting friends. I still don't feel happy. I feel miserable. I am sad all the time. Everything I do is just to pass my time on this planet. I feel absolutely no enjoyment from anything. I resent things more and more every day and people in general.

I'm tierd of being optimistic, I'm tierd of waiting for things to get better and postponing everything because of hope. I have continiously and consistently wanted to die ever since I was 11. It is not going away or changing. Nothing has made it go away. The thought of CTB has crossed my mind weekly and sometimes daily ever since.

I would like to hear some stories of when people were young, had hope and crap so they continued living listening to all the "positivity spiritual shit" and things just got worse? I really hate the forced positivity that people push upon us "Things will get better" yeah tell that to all the innocent people around the world who are homeless, starving, getting violently killed, raped and sex trafficked. The whole "Have a positive attitude and good things will happened" is a bunch of bullshit. Or "if you say you have bad luck then you will have bad luck" no you dumb ass I have bad luck because no matter how nice and courteous I am to people the universe just hates me and grants me with horrible luck. I don't wanna have any hope because it's dead and has been for a long time unless your white male, rich and privileged.

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

I'd sit in my bedroom every day for a year when I was 11, skipping school due to enourmous trauma, PTSD and risks of being kidnapped, with a knife in my hand or on my pillow most of the time. I wanted to die to badly and I cried to myself alone every day. I only didn't stab myself because I had so much anxiety related to the possibility of failing and the pain that I would endure. It was hard to imagine how that physical pain would be like and how I'd be able to handle it, when I was already in so much pain mentally.

Eventually I stopped holding that knife in my hand every day and having it on my pillow when I turned 12 because I told myself that things will get better once I'm 18, you can do whatever you want then, be independant, protect myself, remove myself from this situation and the toxic environment and make my own choices legally.

By 18 things did not get any better, so I pushed for being optimistic for age 20. By age 20 nothing was going anywhere but downhill. Everything was getting worse. So I then pushed for 22. By 22 I had achieved all my life goals pretty much and I had moved, removed myself from any traumas and bad situations, gone through every therapy there is for PTSD, except for ECT which I am denied, without much improvement. I felt no joy from anything nor any happiness. Since age 11, I can only count on one hand how many times I have truly felt happy, each moment lasting anywhere from 1 hour to 2 weeks at a time.

I am now 24, I have experienced everything I have wanted to except for having kids and marrying, which is honestly never going to happen and I'm learning to accept that now. I have had great jobs, I have achieved so much for my age, I have finished what I've wanted. I am stable and secure financially. I have all the items I ever wanted. I have supporting friends. I still don't feel happy. I feel miserable. I am sad all the time. Everything I do is just to pass my time on this planet. I feel absolutely no enjoyment from anything. I resent things more and more every day and people in general.

I'm tierd of being optimistic, I'm tierd of waiting for things to get better and postponing everything because of hope. I have continiously and consistently wanted to die ever since I was 11. It is not going away or changing. Nothing has made it go away. The thought of CTB has crossed my mind weekly and sometimes daily ever since.

I'm glad you got do what you wanted to do with your life at least. I can't imagine the terror you must have felt in that situation when you were younger, it's horrible at that age. I hope you find what you're looking for

 

[Obliviate]

I'd sit in my bedroom every day for a year when I was 11, skipping school due to enourmous trauma, PTSD and risks of being kidnapped, with a knife in my hand or on my pillow most of the time. I wanted to die to badly and I cried to myself alone every day. I only didn't stab myself because I had so much anxiety related to the possibility of failing and the pain that I would endure. It was hard to imagine how that physical pain would be like and how I'd be able to handle it, when I was already in so much pain mentally.

Eventually I stopped holding that knife in my hand every day and having it on my pillow when I turned 12 because I told myself that things will get better once I'm 18, you can do whatever you want then, be independant, protect myself, remove myself from this situation and the toxic environment and make my own choices legally.

By 18 things did not get any better, so I pushed for being optimistic for age 20. By age 20 nothing was going anywhere but downhill. Everything was getting worse. So I then pushed for 22. By 22 I had achieved all my life goals pretty much and I had moved, removed myself from any traumas and bad situations, gone through every therapy there is for PTSD, except for ECT which I am denied, without much improvement. I felt no joy from anything nor any happiness. Since age 11, I can only count on one hand how many times I have truly felt happy, each moment lasting anywhere from 1 hour to 2 weeks at a time.

I am now 24, I have experienced everything I have wanted to except for having kids and marrying, which is honestly never going to happen and I'm learning to accept that now. I have had great jobs, I have achieved so much for my age, I have finished what I've wanted. I am stable and secure financially. I have all the items I ever wanted. I have supporting friends. I still don't feel happy. I feel miserable. I am sad all the time. Everything I do is just to pass my time on this planet. I feel absolutely no enjoyment from anything. I resent things more and more every day and people in general.

I'm tierd of being optimistic, I'm tierd of waiting for things to get better and postponing everything because of hope. I have continiously and consistently wanted to die ever since I was 11. It is not going away or changing. Nothing has made it go away. The thought of CTB has crossed my mind weekly and sometimes daily ever since.

I'm happy for you that you atleast got to accomplish great things in life and stand up for your self/get out of those toxic situations. It's good that you are financially secure. What you are feeling now is numbness. The walking zombie syndrome where you feel nothing but the continuous cycle of being obsessed with death and just had seen enough of what life offers. I'm 23 and have not come close to the things you have accomplished due to my struggles but I too have no happiness and desire of anything anymore. I'm in my last semester of college hoping to go to medical school next and that dream has been crushed because people are nasty.

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

I'm happy for you that you atleast got to accomplish great things in life and stand up for your self/get out of those toxic situations. It's good that you are financially secure. What you are feeling now is numbness. The walking zombie syndrome where you feel nothing but the continuous cycle of being obsessed with death and just had seen enough of what life offers. I'm 23 and have not come close to the things you have accomplished due to my struggles but I too have no happiness and desire of anything anymore. I'm in my last semester of college hoping to go to medical school next and that dream has been crushed because people are nasty.

I couldn't agree more. Nasty people like that need to learn a lesson. Not permanently disgraced, but just enough to really drive the point home that what they did was not okay. You still might be able to get something out of college though, a lot of people go in and end up with different careers than what they with their degree. And with med school, there's a ton of places to work. I haven't met any one like that but I'm sure it happens.

 

[Obliviate]

I think the point of our lives is to find some sort of love before we die, and subconsciously we won't allow our selves death until we get it. It doesn't matter if it's kept or lost or die because of it. The positivity stuff is supposed to help with that, even if it is a construct.

I'm a white male, privleged in some ways but not others. Horrible parents but they took care of me enough to survive like a cuckoo. Did okay inschool, did the work but didn't be myself. Horrible social life/self discipline and now stuck into a hell of my own design. When ever people asked about my dreams, it was always a different story because I never wanted to do anything. Sure I looked into things but I never cared beyond that. And my mental illness and bad parenting killed my life's potential before I thought about really trying.

I'm not sure what you're life has been like, but no matter what happened to you or what you've done, even if people people demonize you, you're not a bad person. Even if you want to die, forgive yourself in the end. No matter what.

Idk about the whole love thing if your referring to a partner or soulmate. I've never had any relations and I honestly don't give a fuck. The world is filled with nasty people. I do not want to be affiliated with 90% of males. I am completely fine with never finding my "soulmate" even if it exists or not. Infact I prefer it because I do not want to live with my soul mate in a world that will torture us for breathing. I think everyone needs loving but not everyone deserves it. A good percentage of the world population is going to hell. That's for sure. The world around us is going up in flames the last thing I care about is a male.

I'm sorry for what you went through with your parents. White and privileged doesn't guarantee a good life.

I couldn't agree more. Nasty people like that need to learn a lesson. Not permanently disgraced, but just enough to really drive the point home that what they did was not okay. You still might be able to get something out of college though, a lot of people go in and end up with different careers than what they with their degree. And with med school, there's a ton of places to work. I haven't met any one like that but I'm sure it happens.

Thank you but it's not about the education. It's about being the systematic abuse, oppression, racism, sexism, assault, lack of empathy that comes with medical school. No matter where you go it's always gonna be like that. Getting an undergrad degree was absolute hell for me. I can't imagine med school. Not to mention being overworked to the point where it's inhumane all while being severely underpaid as a resident. It's all disgusting. I always thought I could be a brilliant doctor but nasty people ruined it so I'm keeping my brain to myself. I'm tired of existing.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Too many times

 

[Obliviate]

I think I was too entitled when I was young. Nothing was difficult for me, and I didn't have any direction. This led to a defeatist mindset where when things got hard I just gave up and did the next thing. Things are good on paper, I come from a good family, have good friends, education and a job, but it's not good enough for me and I can't blame anyone else but me.

I think your experience proves that even having great things and privilege, happiness will never truly exist

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

Thanks for your sympathy about my parents.
But when I'm talking about love, I mean it in a more general sense. As an expression of what you like about the world the most. It can be a soulmate or a lover, or it could be family, friends, or maybe even enemies in some cases. And that's not limited to people either. Sharing a passionate appreciation for animals and objects may count too. Enough to know what you do matters to people/yourself. Like a dedicated artist who spends most of their life painting. Or biologist who spends most of their time studying mushrooms. Or maybe does a bunch of shit like John Mcafe, the man who made the worlds first antivirus. He's a fucking monsterous dude but his life is crazy, in good ways and bad ways. Quite the story.

I really disagree with the idea of hell however. A lot of people end up shitty due to bad patterns and circumstance. They could look a lot worse than we think sometimes. And eternal punishment isn't something anyone deserves. Not even the worst human beings in existence deserve that. Why torture for an infinite time if we only live for a 120 years at max? What could anyone gain from that? I mean with suffering on earth we can make something out of it sometimes. But if it exists it's not my choice to decide who goes there. Not wanting to be around guys makes sense too. I'm a guy, and I kinda agree. Not all of them are bad, but a lot of Them are bleh.

 

[Obliviate]

Thanks for your sympathy about my parents.
But when I'm talking about love, I mean it in a more general sense. As an expression of what you like about the world the most. It can be a soulmate or a lover, or it could be family, friends, or maybe even enemies in some cases. And that's not limited to people either. Sharing a passionate appreciation for animals and objects may count too. Enough to know what you do matters to people/yourself. Like a dedicated artist who spends most of their life painting. Or biologist who spends most of their time studying mushrooms. Or maybe does a bunch of shit like John Mcafe, the man who made the worlds first antivirus. He's a fucking monsterous dude but his life is crazy, in good ways and bad ways. Quite the story.

I really disagree with the idea of hell however. A lot of people end up shitty due to bad patterns and circumstance. They could look a lot worse than we think sometimes. And eternal punishment isn't something anyone deserves. Not even the worst human beings in existence deserve that. Why torture for an infinite time if we only live for a 120 years at max? What could anyone gain from that? I mean with suffering on earth we can make something out of it sometimes. But if it exists it's not my choice to decide who goes there. Not wanting to be around guys makes sense too. I'm a guy, and I kinda agree. Not all of them are bad, but a lot of Them are bleh.

I understand your perspective. My entire life the only love and care I felt was from my cats for the first time when I was 20. Other than that my life was and is filled with abuse/bad luck. I am absolutely in love with my cats and would love to only be surrounded by animals.

And idk man people have done some evil inhumane disgusting shit, hell sounds about right unless ofcourse they change and gain forgiveness and blah blah all that crap.

I would have loved to have a career but it's just not worth it in this cruel world. I'm ready for my peace

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

Idk about the whole love thing if your referring to a partner or soulmate. I've never had any relations and I honestly don't give a fuck. The world is filled with nasty people. I do not want to be affiliated with 90% of males. I am completely fine with never finding my "soulmate" even if it exists or not. Infact I prefer it because I do not want to live with my soul mate in a world that will torture us for breathing. I think everyone needs loving but not everyone deserves it. A good percentage of the world population is going to hell. That's for sure. The world around us is going up in flames the last thing I care about is a male.

I'm sorry for what you went through with your parents. White and privileged doesn't guarantee a good life.

Thank you but it's not about the education. It's about being the systematic abuse, oppression, racism, sexism, assault, lack of empathy that comes with medical school. No matter where you go it's always gonna be like that. Getting an undergrad degree was absolute hell for me. I can't imagine med school. Not to mention being overworked to the point where it's inhumane all while being severely underpaid as a resident. It's all disgusting. I always thought I could be a brilliant doctor but nasty people ruined it so I'm keeping my brain to myself. I'm tired of existing.

Med school sounds outrageously tough, and I hope you can make it through. I mean, a lot of these problems with your med school are horrible, and I hope you would't have to deal with them as much in the workforce.

But if you end up helping more people at the end of the day, isn't it worth it in the end? Sure it would suck and you'd have all these problems but you'd still be saving lives or providing comfort right? You can still be the kind of person that people are happy to have around. Even if no one tells you that you can still be brilliant.

Kind of like the fictional character Gregory House. The man has a permanent limp and is in constant pain, pounding 6 Vicodin a day and a cankerous attitude, yet he still does everything has can for his patients. Everyone thinks he's an abrasive dick, and most of his colleagues admire his smarts but hate his smart mouth. He's admirable, strong and one hell of a guy in spite of this. I think you're as strong as him too for putting up with other peolple's bullshit for so long, and getting as far as you have.

You have an education you can make use of too. Who says you have to be a traditional doctor? Hell, you might be able to start your own medical business or charity and do something no one else can. Like Patch Adams. At the very least there may be things only you can think of to help people. And you don't have to be exactly like these guys either, I think you have qualities in yourself that you haven't seen yet.

But at the end of the day, you do what you want to do. If you're ready for your peace then it's your call.

Edit:Formatting, sorry for awkward posting.
Edit2: final 2 sentences.

 

[Pluto]

The 'positivity shit' tends to be very helpful for people with mild to moderate issues of self-esteem or demotivation. Obviously, it would be preposterous to bring it up in cases of malnourishment and so on.

I made the mistake of investing a lot of energy into New Age ideas long ago, overlooking commonsense solutions in the process. I'm not even convinced that the New Age ideas are unfounded, as they do explain some vicious circles of bad luck that we can be afflicted by, but it simply wasn't a good investment of energy. The end result was feelings of disillusionment. It certainly didn't make things better. Often people attracted to such ideas are trying to bypass hard work and long-term investments of effort, only to find themselves scammed as well as still stuck in the same place.

 

[Sadboyspecimen]

Holy shit yes. I went through this whole thing from the time I was 17 until 20 almost 21 where life felt like one of those underdog comes out on top movies. Ya know? Where the dorky quiet kid who was always bullied ends up becoming a social butterfly kinda thing. And I shit you not I actually believed that I was gonna become a famous rockstar. I started playing guitar and singing and most importantly abusing lots of weed and alcohol and basically any other drug that happened to find it's way into my life. My personality did actually kind of branch out somewhat, but I was really kinda self centered mostly. People could see right through me too. Many times I was called out as being a poser and I always denied it. Complete with the whole "you're just jealous" attitude towards anyone who called me out. Once I finally came to understand just how much of a phony literally EVERYONE saw me as though, I just went into an even deeper state of denial. I started to believe that nothing was real. Really started digging into conspiracy theories and felt like I was so close to cracking to code of life, as if I had truly discovered some kind of cheat code if you will, and anyone who was a naysayer was just trying to prevent me from figuring out this hack. It was bad. I will say that I held it together pretty well and prevented myself from doing anything too crazy. I was mostly just straddling the fence with this idea, really urged to chase after and hopefully use it, but also know entirely that it was completely bonkers to believe. But I was super tempted to leave everything behind and move to the west coast to "make it big". All of these thoughts really took hold during the height of my substance abuse though. Lots of acid and other psychedelic drugs. If I was not at work, I was fucked up on something, usually weed, but eventually it became a daily ritual to get drunk and stoned as soon as I got home from work. I could barely even speak bc of how twisted my mind was. I'd usually end up wasted staring off into dead space or scratching my head and twisting my hair into circles for like 10 minute bursts at a time until I realized how strange I was acting. Everyone would ask if I was okay and then I'd snap out of it for a bit. But eventually they quit hanging out with me since I was no fun to be around anymore. after that the delusional thoughts kinda passed somewhat. I realized how silly I was living my life. But then depression kicked in hardcore bc of how embarrassing it was that I pretty much was psychotic for like 3 years of my life straight.

 

[Ashmedai]

Yes I used to think this a couple of times in the past 10 years. I was completely wrong.

 

[freevoid]

Yeah, thought I would find some kind of solution to my chronic physical and mental health issues. Haha, nope!

 

[Ligottian]

Yes.
Just for one moment/ I thought I'd found my way/Destiny unfolded/ I watched it slip away!
- Ian Curtis ( Joy Division), "Twenty-Four Hours"

 

[lachrymost]

It's only because I tried so hard to be happy that I ended up here. If I hadn't sought fulfilment and done all the "right things" (medications, therapy, left my parents' basement, got in a relationship) I would be insanely better off. It all blew up in my face. What a joke.

 

[StolenLife]

Yes I first became suicidal at 15 as a result of previous events as well as horrid amount of schoolwork in high school. I thought that everything is going to get better once I leave my shitty hometown and go to University. My dumb self picked one of the most grueling Uni courses ever, medical school, even though high school was already a nightmare to handle. I had to go to a different town which I still dislike, in an ugly dark apartment which is the epitome of whatever is opposite of Feng Shui. I got depressed and my trauma resurfaced so I had a breakdown and failed some subjects. Not to mention I couldn't socialize due to Covid and have been friendless for ten years at this point. I wish my attempt at 16 succeeded so I could have spared myself pain and trauma.

 

[onetapgandhi]

Ah let's go back to 2014. Doe eyed straight A student flunged straight into college. I failed a subject. Decide to kill myself but thought mom would be sad. Was barely 18 so lived. 3rd year college. Father calls me a disappointment. Mother calls me a disappointment. Everyone calls me a loser. No gf. No job. But wait. Maybe it gets better

***NEWSFLASH*** It got better. Like really better. I got a great job. They gave me housing. I got a GF. I was friends with everybody. Everyone was proud of me. Then the downward spiral began.
Parents got into an ugly fight. Gave me an ultimatum. Either I stay with them and quit the job or they'll separate and visit me separately. No problem. Job paid like 7300$ a year but I had a million in the bank so decided to quit it. Did master's course. Impressed the teachers, impressed the lab researchers, impressed the industry contacts. Got a better GF (like total 10/10 smokeshow) so life got a bit better again. Then crash. Turns out dad siphoned the whole million dollars out in a failed business. Bankrupt, asked my friends for help. Same motherfuckers I helped academically and financially for just a job interview. No cigar. Suddenly, I am "unqualified" for the jobs they ask my help for in their jobs. I do some of their major software work. Nevertheless GF realizes this and leaves me. Mom realizes there's no money left and divorces my dad. Dad falls into depression. Grandpa is dying. Grandma is dead. Can't afford their meds or surgeries because of my idiotic dad. Get a low paying menial office job. Dad shows up naked to the office and shouts at everyone gets me fired. Bank is about to foreclose the house my grandpa and father built by march 2023. This life has been rolling downhill since 2020. I can't do this shit no more. Its one pain after another so life does get better but sometimes, it doesn't and its CTB time then.

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

Yeah and i realized that making empty promises to myself was making me unhappy. So i stopped doing that.

 

[plastic]

Most of his life I had hope for a better tomorrow. I thought that I could change the world for the better with my creativity. Unfortunately, this world is intended only for the privileged and it is impossible to change that terrible concept. The problem is when you are born with a high level of intelligence in the world of masters and slaves and you are not part of that story. When you are deeply affected by the injustice and stupidity of civilization. When you know that it is possible to create a perfect society in a few years where everyone will be happy and satisfied, but that will not happen because some have power and want everything for themselves. And in the end, the same those people close all the doors and you have nothing left to live on.

 

[DarknessAtNoon]

Yes I first became suicidal at 15 as a result of previous events as well as horrid amount of schoolwork in high school. I thought that everything is going to get better once I leave my shitty hometown and go to University. My dumb self picked one of the most grueling Uni courses ever, medical school, even though high school was already a nightmare to handle. I had to go to a different town which I still dislike, in an ugly dark apartment which is the epitome of whatever is opposite of Feng Shui. I got depressed and my trauma resurfaced so I had a breakdown and failed some subjects. Not to mention I couldn't socialize due to Covid and have been friendless for ten years at this point. I wish my attempt at 16 succeeded so I could have spared myself pain and trauma.

Oh man I am in the same boat. Switching my major to pre Med in college was the worst decision I ever made. I have severe ADHD that has never been treated so to get good grades I had to literally spend all my free time studying. This turned me into angry, depressed person and I completely lost my social Life. Things just got worse through Med school and residency and now I'm just waiting for the day I end it all.

 

[KQuotientW]

I deluded myself for many years and kept upbeat, even though it's raining shit. A couple of nights ago, I spoke to a phone counsellor who was stumped and didn't know what to say because my life is just that bad. They ran out of their pre-programmed niceties and positive words, no knowing what else to say.

For years, I kept saying to myself that something better was just around the corner. *Looks at watch* it's been so long and nothing has improved. Stalker (not an ex, everyone assumes) of 9+ years and police do nothing about him, even when I have footage of him being a creep. Police unlawfully took my last home, which was closer to study / work opportunities, from me because I have an ex who was a cop and police protect their own. Ex was already an ex by then and didn't even own the home, but police threw me out of my privately owned home, forcing me to move to this horrible, tiny, country town where I've been stuck living for years. There's limited job opportunities here and when a job comes up, the parochialism kicks in, where "locals" only hire people who were born and bred here. I can't afford to move because everything else, anywhere else, is too expensive. Stalker has wrecked 3 of my cars now, so that means I can't even travel to another region for work or study. This list goes on. I feel like every time I hope and try to do anything, someone / something just comes to dump another load of shit on me. I'm already drowning in it.

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

I saw your other post about your exit bag. I was going to post there but I didn't want to derail the thread. I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now. And I wish I could help alleviate the pain for you. I may not ever fully understand your situation, but you still deserve to be helped. At least thoroughly think about it before you go through with it. You can still become a doctor and help people in life. Transfer schools, do anything you need too, if it's problems with the school, or maybe the people there. I know it's painful but if you're smart and strong enough to make it this far, you can make it into the workforce. I'm scared for you because you have opportunities, and I don't want you to lose them.

I hope I'm not pushing any boundaries here, and I understand that it will always be your choice. Please, think about it at least a little while longer. If you really want to go through with it, I don't think you should, but I'll respect your decision. It's still your choice.

 

[freedompass]

Doctors have one of the highest suicide rates apparently. 'Residency' seems inhuman, surely patients lives are put at risk if a junior doctor doesn't get enough rest.

The amount of expectation and pressure, not to say constant anxiety about 'getting it wrong', failing to help or actually harming patients, must be absolutely brutal. The fact they have access to every type of drug and have a good idea of what will be fatal probably contributes to the high rate of ctb. Veterinarians, likewise.

 

[NoLightRemains]

Thank you but it's not about the education. It's about being the systematic abuse, oppression, racism, sexism, assault, lack of empathy that comes with medical school. No matter where you go it's always gonna be like that. Getting an undergrad degree was absolute hell for me. I can't imagine med school. Not to mention being overworked to the point where it's inhumane all while being severely underpaid as a resident. It's all disgusting. I always thought I could be a brilliant doctor but nasty people ruined it so I'm keeping my brain to myself. I'm tired of existing.

I feel you on this. My dream in life was to work in healthcare and "help people." I had suicidal thoughts from ages 10-18 rather frequently. But I still had hope. I bounced back from a traumatic childhood and moved across the country and made a life for myself at the age of 18. I went to school with the hopes of becoming a Physician Assistant because I knew how terrible residency was. I worked as a nursing assistant for most of my working career. It was all super difficult and draining for me given my conditions/traumas, but I told myself one day it would be worth it and I'd have a fulfilling career. I ended up not getting into PA school my first application cycle, but I decided to go into nursing because I thought the work/life balance would be better.

My first year of working as a nurse was during 2020 and by the end of the year, I was just completely done and disillusioned with healthcare, and society in general. I always knew healthcare was fucked up, but I thought I could "make a difference" and find a meaningful career from working in the system. Hospital administration, pharmacuetical companies, and most of all, the health insurance industry is a complete plague upon the American people. Not to mention how idiotic and selfish I realized people were because of COVID.

On a more personal failing level, I was so overworked and stressed out by being a new nurse that I couldn't fully be emotionally present for my ex who CTBed in the middle of 2020. I regret slaving away as a cog in the machine while my sweet girlfriend withered away before my eyes. I want to believe I could have done more if I wasn't so beaten down by life myself. Now all I have left is trauma, chronic illness, and regret.