Discussion Anyone who thought their life was gonna get better and didn't?

[Obliviate]

I feel you on this. My dream in life was to work in healthcare and "help people." I had suicidal thoughts from ages 10-18 rather frequently. But I still had hope. I bounced back from a traumatic childhood and moved across the country and made a life for myself at the age of 18. I went to school with the hopes of becoming a Physician Assistant because I knew how terrible residency was. I worked as a nursing assistant for most of my working career. It was all super difficult and draining for me given my conditions/traumas, but I told myself one day it would be worth it and I'd have a fulfilling career. I ended up not getting into PA school my first application cycle, but I decided to go into nursing because I thought the work/life balance would be better.

My first year of working as a nurse was during 2020 and by the end of the year, I was just completely done and disillusioned with healthcare, and society in general. I always knew healthcare was fucked up, but I thought I could "make a difference" and find a meaningful career from working in the system. Hospital administration, pharmacuetical companies, and most of all, the health insurance industry is a complete plague upon the American people. Not to mention how idiotic and selfish I realized people were because of COVID.

On a more personal failing level, I was so overworked and stressed out by being a new nurse that I couldn't fully be emotionally present for my ex who CTBed in the middle of 2020. I regret slaving away as a cog in the machine while my sweet girlfriend withered away before my eyes. I want to believe I could have done more if I wasn't so beaten down by life myself. Now all I have left is trauma, chronic illness, and regret.

I am so sorry for what you have been through. So many "good" people go into healthcare thinking they can make a difference and be heroes but have no idea about the insane power imbalances from the higher up corporations/administration that all just coincidentally are ran by evil people. There is only so much they can actually do. And we are abused and mistreated and no one blinks and eye because no one cares. I worked during Covid and holyyyyy I met so many nasty patients in the pharamacy that had literally no regard for anyone's feelings and from then forward I really saw the evilness of people and I was like y'all can go fuck yourselves. I wanted to then be a forensic pathologist that requires medical school but I'd still be faced with racism, sexism, abuse literally anywhere.

Doctors have one of the highest suicide rates apparently. 'Residency' seems inhuman, surely patients lives are put at risk if a junior doctor doesn't get enough rest.

The amount of expectation and pressure, not to say constant anxiety about 'getting it wrong', failing to help or actually harming patients, must be absolutely brutal. The fact they have access to every type of drug and have a good idea of what will be fatal probably contributes to the high rate of ctb. Veterinarians, likewise.

Exactly. Right on the nail. Doctor suicide rates are increasing, I'm just glad I have awakened and saw the evil before applying because I know for sure that I would be one of those docs that would commit CTB during med school or residency. The only difference is I still wanna CTB but I'll be saving about $500,000 in debt and continuously having a fucked up life.

Med school sounds outrageously tough, and I hope you can make it through. I mean, a lot of these problems with your med school are horrible, and I hope you would't have to deal with them as much in the workforce.

But if you end up helping more people at the end of the day, isn't it worth it in the end? Sure it would suck and you'd have all these problems but you'd still be saving lives or providing comfort right? You can still be the kind of person that people are happy to have around. Even if no one tells you that you can still be brilliant.

Kind of like the fictional character Gregory House. The man has a permanent limp and is in constant pain, pounding 6 Vicodin a day and a cankerous attitude, yet he still does everything has can for his patients. Everyone thinks he's an abrasive dick, and most of his colleagues admire his smarts but hate his smart mouth. He's admirable, strong and one hell of a guy in spite of this. I think you're as strong as him too for putting up with other peolple's bullshit for so long, and getting as far as you have.

You have an education you can make use of too. Who says you have to be a traditional doctor? Hell, you might be able to start your own medical business or charity and do something no one else can. Like Patch Adams. At the very least there may be things only you can think of to help people. And you don't have to be exactly like these guys either, I think you have qualities in yourself that you haven't seen yet.

But at the end of the day, you do what you want to do. If you're ready for your peace then it's your call.

Edit:Formatting, sorry for awkward posting.
Edit2: final 2 sentences.

Your optimism is appreciated but not realistic. After I worked in the pharmacy during covid for a while and I saw how evil and nasty patients when I wanted to do nothing but help. That was one of awakenings when I realized how evil people are and I n=basically said y'all can go fuck yourselves. I will not be a slave and be obligated to help nasty people. Most patients were disgusting and I refuse to help people anymore. I thought I could go be a forensic pathologist atleast that still requires med school but I will still be faced with racism, sexism, abuse etc because it is EVERWHERE. It is absolutely not worth it. To be dehumanized and paid like shit for being brilliant and helping people. I'm at peace with CTBing. My life is already fucked up and I already wanna CTB I know for sure I would be part of those statistics of doctor suicides.

 

[Obliviate]

The 'positivity shit' tends to be very helpful for people with mild to moderate issues of self-esteem or demotivation. Obviously, it would be preposterous to bring it up in cases of malnourishment and so on.

I made the mistake of investing a lot of energy into New Age ideas long ago, overlooking commonsense solutions in the process. I'm not even convinced that the New Age ideas are unfounded, as they do explain some vicious circles of bad luck that we can be afflicted by, but it simply wasn't a good investment of energy. The end result was feelings of disillusionment. It certainly didn't make things better. Often people attracted to such ideas are trying to bypass hard work and long-term investments of effort, only to find themselves scammed as well as still stuck in the same place.

Yeah this positivity, therapy, mental health crap id for privileged people who already have decent lives and little problems not for people who are struggling to survive. I don't wanna hear about "focus on self care and light a candle" when ;m struggling to find a job

 

[Obliviate]

Holy shit yes. I went through this whole thing from the time I was 17 until 20 almost 21 where life felt like one of those underdog comes out on top movies. Ya know? Where the dorky quiet kid who was always bullied ends up becoming a social butterfly kinda thing. And I shit you not I actually believed that I was gonna become a famous rockstar. I started playing guitar and singing and most importantly abusing lots of weed and alcohol and basically any other drug that happened to find it's way into my life. My personality did actually kind of branch out somewhat, but I was really kinda self centered mostly. People could see right through me too. Many times I was called out as being a poser and I always denied it. Complete with the whole "you're just jealous" attitude towards anyone who called me out. Once I finally came to understand just how much of a phony literally EVERYONE saw me as though, I just went into an even deeper state of denial. I started to believe that nothing was real. Really started digging into conspiracy theories and felt like I was so close to cracking to code of life, as if I had truly discovered some kind of cheat code if you will, and anyone who was a naysayer was just trying to prevent me from figuring out this hack. It was bad. I will say that I held it together pretty well and prevented myself from doing anything too crazy. I was mostly just straddling the fence with this idea, really urged to chase after and hopefully use it, but also know entirely that it was completely bonkers to believe. But I was super tempted to leave everything behind and move to the west coast to "make it big". All of these thoughts really took hold during the height of my substance abuse though. Lots of acid and other psychedelic drugs. If I was not at work, I was fucked up on something, usually weed, but eventually it became a daily ritual to get drunk and stoned as soon as I got home from work. I could barely even speak bc of how twisted my mind was. I'd usually end up wasted staring off into dead space or scratching my head and twisting my hair into circles for like 10 minute bursts at a time until I realized how strange I was acting. Everyone would ask if I was okay and then I'd snap out of it for a bit. But eventually they quit hanging out with me since I was no fun to be around anymore. after that the delusional thoughts kinda passed somewhat. I realized how silly I was living my life. But then depression kicked in hardcore bc of how embarrassing it was that I pretty much was psychotic for like 3 years of my life straight.

Wooow. that's an insane experience you went through. I can relate to the first part pf being the awkward dorky kid who had that glow up and thought I was special and meant to be somebody and blah blah but you know what we were kids and we were so protected from the horror realities of this world. Now as adults we finally have waken up and seen it for ourselves and it is nasty. I really thought I would make it but some people just aren't lucky.

It's only because I tried so hard to be happy that I ended up here. If I hadn't sought fulfilment and done all the "right things" (medications, therapy, left my parents' basement, got in a relationship) I would be insanely better off. It all blew up in my face. What a joke.

Well sometime people are just unlucky and even people who have gotten out of your situations are still terribly depressed because no matter what change you make, darkness will follow you. The only real way I have found is to CTB

Yes I first became suicidal at 15 as a result of previous events as well as horrid amount of schoolwork in high school. I thought that everything is going to get better once I leave my shitty hometown and go to University. My dumb self picked one of the most grueling Uni courses ever, medical school, even though high school was already a nightmare to handle. I had to go to a different town which I still dislike, in an ugly dark apartment which is the epitome of whatever is opposite of Feng Shui. I got depressed and my trauma resurfaced so I had a breakdown and failed some subjects. Not to mention I couldn't socialize due to Covid and have been friendless for ten years at this point. I wish my attempt at 16 succeeded so I could have spared myself pain and trauma.

God, I respect you for even trying medical school. The education and medical system is so gross. I barely survived my undergrad and I'm glad I found out early before going into med school. I always just kept hanging on and trying to have hope that things will get better but it seems like we are apart of the unlucky batch.

Ah let's go back to 2014. Doe eyed straight A student flunged straight into college. I failed a subject. Decide to kill myself but thought mom would be sad. Was barely 18 so lived. 3rd year college. Father calls me a disappointment. Mother calls me a disappointment. Everyone calls me a loser. No gf. No job. But wait. Maybe it gets better

***NEWSFLASH*** It got better. Like really better. I got a great job. They gave me housing. I got a GF. I was friends with everybody. Everyone was proud of me. Then the downward spiral began.
Parents got into an ugly fight. Gave me an ultimatum. Either I stay with them and quit the job or they'll separate and visit me separately. No problem. Job paid like 7300$ a year but I had a million in the bank so decided to quit it. Did master's course. Impressed the teachers, impressed the lab researchers, impressed the industry contacts. Got a better GF (like total 10/10 smokeshow) so life got a bit better again. Then crash. Turns out dad siphoned the whole million dollars out in a failed business. Bankrupt, asked my friends for help. Same motherfuckers I helped academically and financially for just a job interview. No cigar. Suddenly, I am "unqualified" for the jobs they ask my help for in their jobs. I do some of their major software work. Nevertheless GF realizes this and leaves me. Mom realizes there's no money left and divorces my dad. Dad falls into depression. Grandpa is dying. Grandma is dead. Can't afford their meds or surgeries because of my idiotic dad. Get a low paying menial office job. Dad shows up naked to the office and shouts at everyone gets me fired. Bank is about to foreclose the house my grandpa and father built by march 2023. This life has been rolling downhill since 2020. I can't do this shit no more. Its one pain after another so life does get better but sometimes, it doesn't and its CTB time then.

oh myyyyy.........I am sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you atleast had some good moments. Your experience really portrays that no matter how great you think life may be going it CAN and WILL go downhill. The "It gets better" is for rare people only.

I saw your other post about your exit bag. I was going to post there but I didn't want to derail the thread. I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now. And I wish I could help alleviate the pain for you. I may not ever fully understand your situation, but you still deserve to be helped. At least thoroughly think about it before you go through with it. You can still become a doctor and help people in life. Transfer schools, do anything you need too, if it's problems with the school, or maybe the people there. I know it's painful but if you're smart and strong enough to make it this far, you can make it into the workforce. I'm scared for you because you have opportunities, and I don't want you to lose them.

I hope I'm not pushing any boundaries here, and I understand that it will always be your choice. Please, think about it at least a little while longer. If you really want to go through with it, I don't think you should, but I'll respect your decision. It's still your choice.

That's nice but my life is hell. I'm poor, a woman of color, have mental health issues, live with an abusive family etccc. There is no place for people like me. No matter how nice I am I always get stepped on. I will never be accepted. Even if I was to become a doctor, horrible and disgusting things would still happen to me. I just don't have the luck. I literally see no future for me. It's not worth it at all living a life of misery. It's done. But hey if you have the luck and privilege to help change the world, do it. Live a great life but always remember to help those in need, it'll be appreciated.

Oh man I am in the same boat. Switching my major to pre Med in college was the worst decision I ever made. I have severe ADHD that has never been treated so to get good grades I had to literally spend all my free time studying. This turned me into angry, depressed person and I completely lost my social Life. Things just got worse through Med school and residency and now I'm just waiting for the day I end it all.

This is literally me. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 21 and premed was absolutely HELL. Disgusting professors with the most difficult material, lack of empathy and support. Wow so you actually made it through med school and are you a resident now? It must suck. I know it does that's why I wanna CTB and not even bother applying to med school. So many doctors regret their decision so much when they realize that healthcare and people are not all what it's cracked up to be. I saw the evil early and it's either med school or CTB and yeahhhh I just know I'm gonna hate it and CTB so why even bother. I love learning but will not stand for the abuse. You know what I hate? Med students on tik tok/social media showing off the glamour of it and suppressing the ugly. Not to mention med school was made to target mostly white rich kids and I am neither.

I deluded myself for many years and kept upbeat, even though it's raining shit. A couple of nights ago, I spoke to a phone counsellor who was stumped and didn't know what to say because my life is just that bad. They ran out of their pre-programmed niceties and positive words, no knowing what else to say.

For years, I kept saying to myself that something better was just around the corner. *Looks at watch* it's been so long and nothing has improved. Stalker (not an ex, everyone assumes) of 9+ years and police do nothing about him, even when I have footage of him being a creep. Police unlawfully took my last home, which was closer to study / work opportunities, from me because I have an ex who was a cop and police protect their own. Ex was already an ex by then and didn't even own the home, but police threw me out of my privately owned home, forcing me to move to this horrible, tiny, country town where I've been stuck living for years. There's limited job opportunities here and when a job comes up, the parochialism kicks in, where "locals" only hire people who were born and bred here. I can't afford to move because everything else, anywhere else, is too expensive. Stalker has wrecked 3 of my cars now, so that means I can't even travel to another region for work or study. This list goes on. I feel like every time I hope and try to do anything, someone / something just comes to dump another load of shit on me. I'm already drowning in it.

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Omg I'm so sorry....that's so disgusting. Ugh I don't blame you at all for wanting to CTB. People out here are straight up psyhotic and that is why I spend my time alone as possible. That picture of shit is accurate. I fucking hate when people say "it'll get better just wait" and then you end up raped or murdered or 50 years old with a worse situation.

 

[MaidenException]

Yes. I have struggled with mental illness all my life. My father was abusive, my mother was emotionally neglectful. As a result, I have severe cPTSD that manifested in suicidal ideations as early as six (of course they weren't taken seriously) and have been suicidal on and off for my entire life. I even had two attempts in college.

Looking back, I cannot say that I am any better off from when I performed those attempts. My mental health has only gotten worse and my physical health followed. I got diagnosed with an incurable genetic disease that had left me in constant pain, fatigue, and brain fog; it has cost me my career. I live in the United States so medical care is exorbitantly expensive and people in my circumstances are treated as nothing more than a burden. I'm constantly reminded in a million little ways how I exist at the expense of fitter, happier, more productive people. I do not have the time, the money, or the energy to keep house, manage my symptoms, stay on top of doctors' appointments, physical therapy, feeding myself etc and I have no emotional or physical support network. When I have tried to reach out for even emotional support and comfort, I've only been met with scorn. Any friends I did have left after my diagnosis. of course, all these responsibilities pile up and the cumulative effects of such only make it worse.

I did everything they tell you to do. I worked hard, went to school, got a job, meditated, took my meds on time every day, did yoga, tried new hobbies, tried to reach out to people and make new friends, did inpatient, blah blah blah. I did everything "right" and I've still failed at life because none of that will cure me of my disease or replace the childhood I lost. I made my best effort but there is only suffering for me

 

[Obliviate]

Yes. I have struggled with mental illness all my life. My father was abusive, my mother was emotionally neglectful. As a result, I have severe cPTSD that manifested in suicidal ideations as early as six (of course they weren't taken seriously) and have been suicidal on and off for my entire life. I even had two attempts in college.

Looking back, I cannot say that I am any better off from when I performed those attempts. My mental health has only gotten worse and my physical health followed. I got diagnosed with an incurable genetic disease that had left me in constant pain, fatigue, and brain fog; it has cost me my career. I live in the United States so medical care is exorbitantly expensive and people in my circumstances are treated as nothing more than a burden. I'm constantly reminded in a million little ways how I exist at the expense of fitter, happier, more productive people. I do not have the time, the money, or the energy to keep house, manage my symptoms, stay on top of doctors' appointments, physical therapy, feeding myself etc and I have no emotional or physical support network. When I have tried to reach out for even emotional support and comfort, I've only been met with scorn. Any friends I did have left after my diagnosis. of course, all these responsibilities pile up and the cumulative effects of such only make it worse.

I did everything they tell you to do. I worked hard, went to school, got a job, meditated, took my meds on time every day, did yoga, tried new hobbies, tried to reach out to people and make new friends, did inpatient, blah blah blah. I did everything "right" and I've still failed at life because none of that will cure me of my disease or replace the childhood I lost. I made my best effort but there is only suffering for me

I relate so much. I've also been abused by my family and unfortunately I still have to live with them. Idk how I haven't CTBed yet but it was because of that false hope. I have severe mental issues because of not only that but every other fucked up thing in my life. I feel like such a nuisance to people and they make you feel worthless. The whole "self care" thing only works for people who have small troubles in life and are mostly secure. It doesn't count for people like us. But I just wanna remind you that you DID NOT fail at life, life failed you. It just wasn't in our luck, our destiny, our paths and it is what it is. Pure souls deserve the world and more that's why a lot of them CTBed because they could not be given what they deserved. Idc I want my heaven, I want my peace, I want my kingdom of god because I deserve it.

 

[tomas97x]

There are days I feel happy but it's nothing compared to the agony I feel almost everyday

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

Yeah I totally bought it, still did after thinking about CTB seriously for the first time, maybe because there was still stuff I had to do/was responsible for and my sense of duty wouldn't let that go then.

Without going into detail I was a pretty high-performing individual (not trying to brag, means practically nothing today and hasn't really for years). I always had the vague expectation that if I tried my best at everything and tried to do things for "good" reasons, good things would just come. Not that I would just be handed things, more like an increased chance, more opportunities perhaps. Never believed I was owed something by anyone or anything, just that when I constantly saw people getting ahead by not putting in as much effort or having as much passion as I did, even lying, cheating, and stealing in some cases, it's exhausting at the very least. Yes, that's a pretty serious accusation/generalisation and I don't have solid evidence in all cases (in some I certainly do), you're only getting my side of the story too but if you've experienced the "real world" it's not that hard to imagine now is it?

 

[highmaintenancebolt]

Yes, I also hate the fake positivity bullshit. "Don't be sad. Things will get better." Uh, yeah... tell that to the homeless 60 year old who has been waiting for things to "get better" for 3 decades. Unless you can predict the future, you don't know if things will get better. They might even get worse cause things can always get A LOT worse. Telling people lies helps no one. If you want things to get better for someone, then actually help them. But that's too much of an inconvenience to most people so they just tell you happy lies.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I had hope when I was younger. As a matter of fact, for most of my life, I think I was a fairly positive person. Time has a way of taking a toll on you, though. I think it happens little by little. It certainly didn't happen overnight. I'm not sure when I became cognizant to the fact that my life was getting worse, or even when it became stagnant. But, I think, over time, when nothing good happens to you, a little bit of the positivity gets chipped away, piece by piece, and, eventually, you just realize that so much time has gone by and nothing good has happened as far back as you can remember. And you can barely even remember the last good thing that even happened to you. For me, I realize it's late in life, relatively speaking, and that there really isn't anything good to look forward to in life form this point on. I've lived long enough and have paid attention enough to understand what comes as one gets older. It's full of all kinds of ailments and disease for most people, unless you're one of the few lucky ones. In reality, life goes downhill from birth. That's when we start aging, making the march toward death. But anyway, getting back on point, positivity gets chipped away and pretty soon there's just none remaining, nothing to look forward to, no reasons to keep going. Hey, all good things have to come to an end eventually, right?

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

I actually got better for a little bit a few years back. Now things are bad again maybe worse.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Most of his life I had hope for a better tomorrow. I thought that I could change the world for the better with my creativity. Unfortunately, this world is intended only for the privileged and it is impossible to change that terrible concept. The problem is when you are born with a high level of intelligence in the world of masters and slaves and you are not part of that story. When you are deeply affected by the injustice and stupidity of civilization. When you know that it is possible to create a perfect society in a few years where everyone will be happy and satisfied, but that will not happen because some have power and want everything for themselves. And in the end, the same those people close all the doors and you have nothing left to live on.

100%

 

[Darkover]

i was promised life would get better by my nan on her death bed it didn't it just got worse as time went on

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

yeah this is why i wana end things without thinking too much.

if i drag it out my brain will find some hopium and other trash to keep it alive.

Survival instinct is a bitch and this weak trash human minds of ours loves hopium and copium to keep it alive.

This disgusting weak biological curse of a brain and human life is a weak coward struggling to survive.

Its a curse, people should stop having kids.

 

[MaidenException]

I relate so much. I've also been abused by my family and unfortunately I still have to live with them. Idk how I haven't CTBed yet but it was because of that false hope. I have severe mental issues because of not only that but every other fucked up thing in my life. I feel like such a nuisance to people and they make you feel worthless. The whole "self care" thing only works for people who have small troubles in life and are mostly secure. It doesn't count for people like us. But I just wanna remind you that you DID NOT fail at life, life failed you. It just wasn't in our luck, our destiny, our paths and it is what it is. Pure souls deserve the world and more that's why a lot of them CTBed because they could not be given what they deserved. Idc I want my heaven, I want my peace, I want my kingdom of god because I deserve it.

Thank you for your words of kindness. The truth is, I don't want to die so much as it is I'm not allowed to live. If one or two things in my life had gone differently— if perhaps I was born to loving parents or wasn't sexually assaulted by that professor at University, if the pandemic hadn't delayed my healthcare or I could have afforded to take time off work sooner, if my ex didn't cheat on my me and threaten me at knife point and then blame me for it because I'm crazy, if I hadn't been born with a genetic disease— perhaps I would have the strength to go on. But I don't. Even if I had friends or people to love me and support me without adding to my guilt and shame, perhaps then too I could live. But as a mentally ill person, society has decided that I'm crazy and should be avoided and with my disabilities it sees me as an acceptable casualty.

Even my own family thinks I'm just being crazy and doesn't treat me as a priority, even when I tried to tell them how dire my circumstances were. My mother just told me that I was mean for telling her.

I truly have no hope and nothing left to live for. I have only gotten worse. I don't want to watch myself deteriorate further as entropy creeps in. The weight of my shame and disappointment is too much to carry. I want to finally know peace. People like you and I just weren't meant to be happy.

 

[sundown12]

when I was a teen I thought I going to have all these amazing experiences that young adults usually go through in their 20's...travelling, parties, dating...instead I got psychosis and a shitty college degree

 

[damaged_soul]

Yeah, I used to be majorly delusional about life getting better. When I was abused by my best friend, I thought that it would just be like one of the typical trivial "friendship arguments" I used to have as a child, and that in just a few months I would get completely better, move on, and forget that anything ever happened. I was naive and had no idea that the abuse would scar me for life and that I would never get better. For many months, I was extremely depressed because I was confused about why I wasn't getting better. I'm still depressed now, but ironically, the only thing that made me feel better was accepting that it'll never get better.

 

[lifeORdeath]

The American dream is horse crap.
One f'up and American dream chews you up and spits you out and now is a nightmare.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

despite what hollywood and feel goody people will have you believe, life doesnt get better for a lot of people.

 

[Hirokami]

Yep, my life got better for a few months, actually. Not perfect, though a lot easier to deal with. My ctb thoughts were still there, though not nearly as intense. But recent events and realizations have left me back here. Life will never get better for me.

 

[myfinalform]

I wish i had this feeling of false hope, my life is on a downhill and still will be until i die

 

[EnnuiCat]

Here I sit, white and male, ugly and old. Did I mention broke as f**k? But, hey, I have my health, that's something I guess.

TL;DR
Some backstory for context...
I was bullied throughout school. I would often pretend to be sick to avoid the bullying until my mother had doctors put me through a battery of tests, both mental and physical. Nothing physically wrong and so psychiatrist told my mother she should be concerned about me. I never knew my dad. Grandad helped raise me but he died when I was 15. Still not over that one. My mother began dating one deranged, narcissistic asshole after the next to mask her depression until one of them tried to kill us before the cops intervened. She then married an alcoholic who abused her. What did I care, I was off to college to get away from that shitstorm. I made friends for the first time. Met a girl my senior year (first girlfriend, first kiss) whose father hated me because I was clearly a loser and his daughter could do better.

After college I floundered, couldn't find a job, ultimately decided I wanted to be a screenwriter in Hollywood. Go figure. It was the first time I actually wanted something, that I was excited about. I believed I was meant for it since nothing else in my life was worthwhile. So I made it to Hollywood, worked shit jobs while fully believing my big break was right around the corner. That never happened. Thirty years later I'm sitting in a room I'm getting for free (in a hoarder house) because I lost my apartment a few weeks ago. My cat died yesterday. I'm helping to raise my girlfriend's 7 year old son who sees me as his father and all I can think about is CTB before he gets older and releases what a complete failure I am.

No, life doesn't get better.

Any pleasure you might find is merely the temporary absence of pain.

 

[Someday_Somehow32]

When I got into high school everyone said it's where it gets better. It never did. It was worse than any hell I can imagine

 

[Callie Arcale]

Yeah, sure! With every treatment I kept hoping things would turn around and my health would get better. It didn't happen.

 

[Sad_Sack]

When I first got ill they kept telling me I was young and was going to get through it and get better. 30 years later.......

 

[ShatteredQueen]

For me, personally, it's more that life pretends to get a little better for a while. It smirks and simpers; it makes empty promises and lies. Gods, how life lies. But I know that, no matter how much I wish I could believe otherwise, it's always false... Nothing more than a short-lived trick to fool me into struggling forward a little longer. It's always just enough to make some small part of me think that maybe, maybe, this time there could actually be the tiniest scrap of real hope... But the rest of me knows better. It's just a dirty lie, one more way life plays with her prey.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Endlessly. My entire life can be summed up with roughly two year cycles, where things seem great and amazing, and yet I inevitably end up back here.
The difference is that each time I'm a little older. Each time I have a little less fight left in me. Starting again just gets harder.

 

[Obliviate]

I encourage more people to share their experiences, especially the older community on here. You are seen and heard

 

[ksp]

i never expected life to get better (starting with my high school years). i tried to be as objective as i could (not too optimistic, not too pessimistic). i knew after happiness, always to expect sadness, just as i knew that if i waited long enough i'd get through the tough parts (the main problem is when the hardship doesn't seem to end)

during decades, i tolerated everything, and i moved on. sometimes relatively fast, sometimes a lot slower.
but i kept going, probably because of the survival instinct. i was a 'normal' person - i never wanted to impose my views on others, and tried to be respectful. but i never really thought about the meaning of life, until now (the past 15 years or so)

then i started to see that many things don't make sense. now i KNOW that, for me, life doesn't have any purpose, at all. i don't encourage anyone to understand my views, or arrive at the same conclusion - think about your own philosophy on life, and decide if all this is worth all your efforts, at the end. maybe it will, maybe it won't

back to your question:
- don't expect it to be always fantastic, or always extremely dark
- expect reality: lows and highs (mostly lows - lowered expectations will make it more bearable)

but if you are young, and if you choose to endure life, know to expect disappointments, and betrayal - ignore them and move on. find a new path in life (don't expect a diploma will guarantee complete happiness). move your surroundings, and most importantly: change the people in your life, that make you see your life as miserable. it's also very helpful to become as independent as you can - never depend on others; i was the only one that truly helped me, and even i disappointed myself, more times that i care to remember (mistakes happen)

sorry for the lecture (i'm thinking of younger people that might read this post, and might be on the fence)

 

[ShatteredQueen]

When I got into high school everyone said it's where it gets better. It never did. It was worse than any hell I can imagine

Oh, high school was definitely hell. You're not alone in recognizing that. People who claim it's "better" must have been popular, pampered brats when they were adolescents. For those of us who are different, it's horrible. College really was significantly better, though, especially the major studies. (But then my BA is in English, so I was surrounded by a lot of other creative, unique, open-minded people. It might be totally different for, say, business majors or nursing majors. I don't know.) The problem is that after graduation you have to go into the workforce and contend with all the shallow plastic people again. Gross. That's what makes places like libraries and bookstores, as well as art districts. museums, and quirky, unusual places, so important... They are havens for we outsiders, places we can feel relatively safe and spend some time recovering before we have to go back into the hurricane of life.

 

[Hurt]

Here! Life remains the same. No matter what I do I feel miserable and suicidal.