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No, not physically hurting--i'm in perfect shape---But my existence is psychologically miserable--I can't stand my life because my girlfriend of 35 years died suddenly 3 months ago, still crying each day, still in shock--I used to be such a happy person, but that all changed 3 months ago--My Nitrogen suicide set up is complete, I will use it at some point, just don't know when
Hi. I'm not sure if you have what I am suffering from but after receiving the COVID vaccine, all my muscle and fat tissues in my body are wasting/atrophying away. Literally every muscle in my body is wasted. I have become fully disabled, unable to care for myself in any way. Every part of my body is just bone.. And with that comes severe pain. I've lost muscles in my hands, feet, arms legs, spine, etc. As the muscles waste, they have become soft (painful as well) and can't provide support. I cannot walk properly and drag my feet. I can't use my hands much because they've become thin and painful.... Can barely hold a cell phone. Anything heavier can cause dislocation and possible fracture. My spinal vertebrae are exposed and you can feel them sticking out very prominently just under the skin with your fingers. With the muscles degenerating, they are left unsupported and are under significant pressure which isn't just excruciatingly painful but can slip and cause spinal cord compression (and subsequent paralysis). The pain I have is intolerable but the muscle and fat tissue loss continue. My body stopped defecating fully and my eyes became extremely dry. I know it's all nerve related because my intestines are not responsive to stimulant laxatives at all and only osmotic laxatives barely work. All the testing has come back negative for anything! It's very visible and easily palpable by the hands, but the doctors I have are lying for some reason stating that nothing is wrong. WTF? I mean, I can't make this stuff up. They just want to follow labs and scans but it's so damn apparent. I think their egos are too large to admit that something is absolutely wrong with me but they don't know why. They are not properly examining me, writing down my subjective complaints in my chart and not giving me appropriate diagnoses. I know they are avoiding the use of the word "atrophy" in my diagnosis. The one neurologist I had, dropped me as a patient because I disagreed with him. I live in a small city with very few neurologists, so they all know each other. Well, he has conveniently told them not to accept me as a patient because I get rejected from every single one. Even my useless family doctor won't search for specialists for me to see... I have to search and then ask him to refer me. But then I get rejected by each one stating "they can't help me". There is some conspiracy (no, I'm not delusional) that the physicians have against me. It's like they are trying not to examine me properly or actually admit that anything is wrong. All the medical notes are in one system, so every provider can read your chart. Thus, they just look at my chart and read all the fabricated BS and believe there's nothing wrong or that it's "all in my head". What friggin nonsense. I can't even change doctors because it's so difficult to get a new one, let alone an honest one. So, with all the fabrication in my chart, I can't even go to a Swiss clinic for a VAD because it looks like I have nothing wrong with my or have very minor issues. I know that they are intentionally doing this to me but don't know why. What they are doing is unethical, unjust and cruel... Making me suffer immensely. I don't know what they have to gain. Even though the tests are "negative" , most of every muscle involved has twitching which is definitely neurologic. But, they couldn't care at all. I can't dress myself, bathe myself or even go to bed myself. The pain is so severe that nobody could take it. I'm like a dying dog that needs to be put out of its misery but nobody is putting me down. One and a half years ago, I was in top physical condition. Worked out regularly and was very well muscled. Now, I am nothing but skin and bone. The so called specialists have conveniently backed out of my care and I'm now left with a family doctor who just sits on his stool typing his lies and doesn't even bother to get up to examine me. I never had a medical issue in my whole life and now I'm basically dying wasting away without anybody caring. I am not young and have to rely on my very elderly parents to give me palliative care.
I'm sorry man. this medical system is a joke.
I am having sudden bladder issues as well and mild leakage. Going on a month now and I had no idea life could be this bad prior to this. Had a systocopy and no physical reason for this to be happening. Every time it seems to get better the symptoms come right back. It's disgusting and shameful and the urologist does not care, just gave me some pills that don't even halfway fix the problem and have nasty side effects. I've barely left my apartment in the past month, except when I went to a gun shop to try and buy one (I didn't pass the background check.) Waking up every morning with complete dread and terror, I'm surprised that the people around me can't tell I'm in hell.
how long you are in benzo WD?
the ' dying dog ' anaology seems appropriate. Like dying in a gutter and left to rot by a health care system in UK. I really feel your pain too . Its awful position to be in really bad and there's nothing to be done. I cant make it to Switzerland either due to costs and disability . Not sure how it will end but end it will. peace
Thank you. It is an awful position to be in because it's a rapidly progressing condition and there are no positive findings on labs and such. The physicians couldn't care less and to them, I'm just another number. I don't know what you have but hope it's not at all like mine.
Hey there. Thanks for your response. I am very sorry you are going through all of this and that have practically lost everything. I totally get where you are coming from and really feel your pain. All tests are negative but instead of admitting that something is truly wrong, they jump on the anxiety bandwagon. I, too, wish some of the big pharma CEOs suffer painful deaths.
I am three years out, but is has caused so much inflammation in my body including my gut. Doctors took my gallbladder out because they couldn't figure out where the pain was coming from, and now I have a horrible digestive system which is causing all kinds of issues.
i'm sorry to hear that. I guess you didn't knew the pain was from the Benzo withdrawal then.. :(
Not at all. It was all so new to me. I had never been on these types of meds before. Most of my trauma is from the 8 months of not understanding what was going on, and the psych and therapist assured me that it was not the meds causing all of it. My GI was desperate to get me relief that we agreed I needed my gallbladder out. This was at the beginning of COVID, so it was hard trying to get doctor appointments or surgery.
Are you able to work? I have been hospitalized 10 times and cannot work anymore. I used to be a hard worker too.
i'm sorry man, it's torture indeed. Which SSRI you took? And how long are you drugs free.?
to realize that suicide is the only realistic solution causes a strange emotional reaction. the certitude is somehow comforting but the knowledge that we need to make it happen adds a foreign anxiety.
For me, I want to live. I want to live so badly, but a doctor took that away from me. I wish I could continue to live without pain and what feels like I am walking through fog.
I totally get you. People, especially physicians, who have never suffered any significant detrimental effects of a medication will always say "that can't happen" with full confidence. What a load of BS! Anything is possible. If severe side effects exist in their literature, then even worse things can occur. It's plainly obvious with how I appear, but they still deny that anything is occurring. It seems that, nowadays, most physicians don't even want to examine you with their hands but rather 'talk' about your complaints. God forbid that they actually agree with you and believe your story. So, in most cases, they just chalk it up to a psych condition and say "we can't help you". Bloody fockers.
