Help I feel unreal

[CatAstro.Fee]

I am disassociated all the time and everything feels like a dream I guess. It's so hard to explain. When I stop doomscrolling and being on the internet, I still feel that way and even worse. I don't really feel things or hear either. Like I do, but it's muted? I don't know how to feel like I am here again, it was a coping mechanism I used a couple years ago to cope, I would daydream constantly, and now I'm just stuck like this.

When I have social interactions it feels strange. The fun things I do or people I hangout with end quickly, I genuinely feel like everything I ever experienced happened yesterday.

Everything now is just like. I don't know. Like I'm in the screen, like I am the action I am doing, I am the surroundings I'm looking at. I hate it so much. I wish I learned a long time ago how to stop because it made it hard to enjoy my time with my partner when we were together, and it made the years go by ridiculously, like seriously it doesn't seem fair or right that the year passed so quickly, but during that time it felt like it would never end.

I don't know how to stop. People say to breathe and all that, it hasn't helped. I don't know what to do. I just want to feel real and alive again. I forgot what that feels like. I don't remember what I used to feel like. Maybe I was always unconscious and there's no real way to feel real..?

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I commented on another post that this phenomenon is common and documented in medical literature. It's common in physical conditions like TBI and epilepsy, psychiatric conditions as well as in the aftermath of traumatic stress. They're not totally sure what causes it but I experience this all the time. You're absolutely not alone.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

To be honest, to me, this is completely normal. Life and existence is really weird.

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

I commented on another post that this phenomenon is common and documented in medical literature. It's common in physical conditions like TBI and epilepsy, psychiatric conditions as well as in the aftermath of traumatic stress. They're not totally sure what causes it but I experience this all the time. You're absolutely not alone.

I'm sorry you do too. It's definitely trauma for me and just dealing with everything. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

To be honest, to me, this is completely normal. Life and existence is really weird.

It may be so. I genuinely don't remember what life was like before so I can't really compare. Thanks for commenting too <3

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I'm sorry you do too. It's definitely trauma for me and just dealing with everything. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

It may be so. I genuinely don't remember what life was like before so I can't really compare. Thanks for commenting too <3

Any chance at all that there is a physical component? I *might* be able to help you find it.

 

[enjoytheride]

I am disassociated all the time and everything feels like a dream I guess. It's so hard to explain. When I stop doomscrolling and being on the internet, I still feel that way and even worse. I don't really feel things or hear either. Like I do, but it's muted? I don't know how to feel like I am here again, it was a coping mechanism I used a couple years ago to cope, I would daydream constantly, and now I'm just stuck like this.

When I have social interactions it feels strange. The fun things I do or people I hangout with end quickly, I genuinely feel like everything I ever experienced happened yesterday.

Everything now is just like. I don't know. Like I'm in the screen, like I am the action I am doing, I am the surroundings I'm looking at. I hate it so much. I wish I learned a long time ago how to stop because it made it hard to enjoy my time with my partner when we were together, and it made the years go by ridiculously, like seriously it doesn't seem fair or right that the year passed so quickly, but during that time it felt like it would never end.

I don't know how to stop. People say to breathe and all that, it hasn't helped. I don't know what to do. I just want to feel real and alive again. I forgot what that feels like. I don't remember what I used to feel like. Maybe I was always unconscious and there's no real way to feel real..?

Does intense physical activity, such as jogging, fitness, hikes or other, help you feel more grounded? Sometimes it helps me.

Also, could it be that the environment you are in is so traumatizing to you that as a coping mechanism your mind has just assumed the role of an observer? If that is the case, could changing a city, country, job, etc., help? Just ideas...

 

[looking4partner]

I know what you mean :(

Mine also causes some type of amnesia but instead of amnesia about the past, it's amnesia about whatever I'm doing in the middle of doing it every single damn day

And I'm also not emotionally numb because the kind I have causes me to be stuck in an intensely fearful traumatic panic mode and not be able to breathe correctly from crying

I also used to like having alone time part of the time/time to myself & to recover from emotionally draining socializing, etc. and now I'm terrified of being alone at all because of it and how unaware it makes me and how impossible it makes keeping track of things that I have to keep track of that no one else who I am physically dependent on will help me keep track of even though I've begged them to :(

And they are also still causing me trauma, but I have no way to get away because the dissociation affects my ability to function both physically & cognitively

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

I know what you mean :(

Mine also causes some type of amnesia but instead of amnesia about the past, it's amnesia about whatever I'm doing in the middle of doing it every single damn day

And I'm also not emotionally numb because the kind I have causes me to be stuck in an intensely fearful traumatic panic mode and not be able to breathe correctly from crying

I also used to like having alone time part of the time/time to myself & to recover from emotionally draining socializing, etc. and now I'm terrified of being alone at all because of it and how unaware it makes me and how impossible it makes keeping track of things that I have to keep track of that no one else who I am physically dependent on will help me keep track of even though I've begged them to :(

And they are also still causing me trauma, but I have no way to get away because the dissociation affects my ability to function both physically & cognitively

Wow amensia, I never heard of it being described this way but definitely I have memory issues especially when trying to remember new information.

I also feel emotions intensely too, I just can't express them properly or be present so I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I'm really sorry about your situation, maybe the good thing is you're the complete opposite of me, I isolate 24/7, and terrified to go into social experiences or places. I don't know what you do but I hope they help you in some way, because they do for me but temporarily, however still grateful I could even get to meet sweet or interesting people even if we aren't perfect.

I am also trying to find a way out and might make a post about that soon, I think it would help alleviate the stress I feel constantly and even help re-shape who I am as a person because a lot of my behaviors and beliefs stem from this toxic place.

It's scary trying to navigate when all you know is the same thing for so long, but I think it's possible and it helps when I see documentaries and things of people talking about how they left their shitty situation.

Does intense physical activity, such as jogging, fitness, hikes or other, help you feel more grounded? Sometimes it helps me.

Also, could it be that the environment you are in is so traumatizing to you that as a coping mechanism your mind has just assumed the role of an observer? If that is the case, could changing a city, country, job, etc., help? Just ideas...

I haven't done any of those honestly, except walking. Nature sounds help alot actually, especially the birds.

I'm not really sure if physical work-outs or similiar things help because I can't remember what it feels like, I can try it tomorrow.

And yes. I am being re-traumatized almost everyday where I am currently and it really sucks, doesn't help when social media reminds me or when I see photos of past loved ones. I definitely think changing my physical environment would help out a lot, I know for a fact I won't stay, I just don't know where to go from here or how to go about it. One way is straight up starting from scratch and possibly being homeless, another is leaving the state, going to Canada or even abroad.

My main issue is money, to afford leaving.

Any chance at all that there is a physical component? I *might* be able to help you find it.

Physical like how, someone else mentioned trying to do physical activities, I just have to try them.

My only idea is that I have to re-learn to be in tune and present, and that I also have eyesight issues (myopia) so it makes dissasociating worse. When I wear contacts though it helps somewhat, glasses too, I just hate how I look with them and prefer contacts.

I've found being in situations where I am forced to be present, somewhere unfamiliar that is kind of sketchy, helps, but it's not safe. I treat myself like a character, immune to death and such.

 

[enjoytheride]

I haven't done any of those honestly, except walking. Nature sounds help alot actually, especially the birds.

I'm not really sure if physical work-outs or similiar things help because I can't remember what it feels like, I can try it tomorrow.

And yes. I am being re-traumatized almost everyday where I am currently and it really sucks, doesn't help when social media reminds me or when I see photos of past loved ones. I definitely think changing my physical environment would help out a lot, I know for a fact I won't stay, I just don't know where to go from here or how to go about it. One way is straight up starting from scratch and possibly being homeless, another is leaving the state, going to Canada or even abroad.

My main issue is money, to afford leaving.

Thank you for answering! We don't have much control over our environment, unfortunately. I've found out for myself that what I can do is reduce exposure to stressors around me and choose where and when to go. In this line of thinking I've disabled my Facebook and Instagram accounts. Two months in and I don't regret it at all. I would recommend to anyone to stay away from social media unless they need it for work or business. Otherwise, there are good options to hibernate your account for as long as you need, without losing your data. :)

I totally understand how finances are constraining your ability to move to a different state or country. :( Sometimes there are jobs that offer housing besides a salary, but perhaps they are not the type of jobs one would like to do (I am thinking agriculture, animal farms, or looking after the elderly). To be honest, I am not sure how things work in the US or Canada in this regard. One must have some reassurances before attempting such a life changing move. Usually, friends or family help us move to another country, but I can imagine you can't rely on that (just as I can't).

If you can't move to a different place permanently at this point in time, perhaps you could travel regularly to nearby towns or the countryside where you could disconnect from daily issues and places that retraumatize you. Sometimes just spending one whole day away and then returning gives you a fresh look on things and additional strength to face issues.

I hope that the physical exercise you will try helps you! Keep us posted. :)

Best regards