Help I feel unreal

[CatAstro.Fee]

I am disassociated all the time and everything feels like a dream I guess. It's so hard to explain. When I stop doomscrolling and being on the internet, I still feel that way and even worse. I don't really feel things or hear either. Like I do, but it's muted? I don't know how to feel like I am here again, it was a coping mechanism I used a couple years ago to cope, I would daydream constantly, and now I'm just stuck like this.

When I have social interactions it feels strange. The fun things I do or people I hangout with end quickly, I genuinely feel like everything I ever experienced happened yesterday.

Everything now is just like. I don't know. Like I'm in the screen, like I am the action I am doing, I am the surroundings I'm looking at. I hate it so much. I wish I learned a long time ago how to stop because it made it hard to enjoy my time with my partner when we were together, and it made the years go by ridiculously, like seriously it doesn't seem fair or right that the year passed so quickly, but during that time it felt like it would never end.

I don't know how to stop. People say to breathe and all that, it hasn't helped. I don't know what to do. I just want to feel real and alive again. I forgot what that feels like. I don't remember what I used to feel like. Maybe I was always unconscious and there's no real way to feel real..?

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I commented on another post that this phenomenon is common and documented in medical literature. It's common in physical conditions like TBI and epilepsy, psychiatric conditions as well as in the aftermath of traumatic stress. They're not totally sure what causes it but I experience this all the time. You're absolutely not alone.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

To be honest, to me, this is completely normal. Life and existence is really weird.

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

I commented on another post that this phenomenon is common and documented in medical literature. It's common in physical conditions like TBI and epilepsy, psychiatric conditions as well as in the aftermath of traumatic stress. They're not totally sure what causes it but I experience this all the time. You're absolutely not alone.

I'm sorry you do too. It's definitely trauma for me and just dealing with everything. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

To be honest, to me, this is completely normal. Life and existence is really weird.

It may be so. I genuinely don't remember what life was like before so I can't really compare. Thanks for commenting too <3

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I'm sorry you do too. It's definitely trauma for me and just dealing with everything. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

It may be so. I genuinely don't remember what life was like before so I can't really compare. Thanks for commenting too <3

Any chance at all that there is a physical component? I *might* be able to help you find it.

 

[enjoytheride]

I am disassociated all the time and everything feels like a dream I guess. It's so hard to explain. When I stop doomscrolling and being on the internet, I still feel that way and even worse. I don't really feel things or hear either. Like I do, but it's muted? I don't know how to feel like I am here again, it was a coping mechanism I used a couple years ago to cope, I would daydream constantly, and now I'm just stuck like this.

When I have social interactions it feels strange. The fun things I do or people I hangout with end quickly, I genuinely feel like everything I ever experienced happened yesterday.

Everything now is just like. I don't know. Like I'm in the screen, like I am the action I am doing, I am the surroundings I'm looking at. I hate it so much. I wish I learned a long time ago how to stop because it made it hard to enjoy my time with my partner when we were together, and it made the years go by ridiculously, like seriously it doesn't seem fair or right that the year passed so quickly, but during that time it felt like it would never end.

I don't know how to stop. People say to breathe and all that, it hasn't helped. I don't know what to do. I just want to feel real and alive again. I forgot what that feels like. I don't remember what I used to feel like. Maybe I was always unconscious and there's no real way to feel real..?

Does intense physical activity, such as jogging, fitness, hikes or other, help you feel more grounded? Sometimes it helps me.

Also, could it be that the environment you are in is so traumatizing to you that as a coping mechanism your mind has just assumed the role of an observer? If that is the case, could changing a city, country, job, etc., help? Just ideas...

 

[looking4partner]

I know what you mean :(

Mine also causes some type of amnesia but instead of amnesia about the past, it's amnesia about whatever I'm doing in the middle of doing it every single damn day

And I'm also not emotionally numb because the kind I have causes me to be stuck in an intensely fearful traumatic panic mode and not be able to breathe correctly from crying

I also used to like having alone time part of the time/time to myself & to recover from emotionally draining socializing, etc. and now I'm terrified of being alone at all because of it and how unaware it makes me and how impossible it makes keeping track of things that I have to keep track of that no one else who I am physically dependent on will help me keep track of even though I've begged them to :(

And they are also still causing me trauma, but I have no way to get away because the dissociation affects my ability to function both physically & cognitively