Anyone here with a chronic health problem pushing them to ctb?

[itsallover]

If you are suffering physically and cannot take one more day of it, but just drag on with the faintest of hope then please message me. I want to know what it is like for you and how you have dealt with it whatever it is for however long. The thing driving me nuts is this constant urge to urinate and I have gotten to the point where I am using long term antibiotics but it's already been six months and when I wake up I feel like I am entering a nightmare. I never know how the day is going to go as my bladder runs the show and have become pretty much housebound as I barely leave the house because of issues like finding a public bathroom. I also don't know where I am going to hurt and how much as it is so intense that even painkillers just numbed out my mind a little but I could still feel the pain in my core. When this first started my doctor compared it to water torture and it really is as one of my most basic functions have been drastically affected. It all happened after they rammed me with a catheter in a hospital almost six years ago and I feel that it is time to go already because I just feel like a burden on everyone. I hate my fucking existence so much.

 

[Red]

God that sounds awful - I had similar problems following surgery but thankfully it's now somewhat better after around three months… still peeing more than usual though n it can be somewhat restricting sometimes!

Not a patch on what you're feeling of course but in lieu of that, the pain I had surgery for rages on unchecked.

Six months is a long time to go simply being on antibiotics… are you seeing a proper specialist, like a urologist?? Or perhaps a neurologist might be useful as it could be nerve related? There are medications that restrict your ability to urinate, has your doctor considered any of these?

There are many herbs and stuff that could help with these issues; always best to try in small amounts before buying vast quantities as they can be variable in efficacy, as I've found trying various herbs and supplements for my problems!

My inbox is always open if you want to talk

 

[cleveland2011]

I'm dying the worst slow death imaginable. And I sped the process up with a bunch of alcohol the last month or So. I can't believe what I'm living.

Ctb will save me from unimaginable suffering. I will have to do So sadly. I don't want to. I love life. But this is too much

 

[WhiteRabbit]

If you are suffering physically and cannot take one more day of it, but just drag on with the faintest of hope then please message me. I want to know what it is like for you and how you have dealt with it whatever it is for however long. The thing driving me nuts is this constant urge to urinate and I have gotten to the point where I am using long term antibiotics but it's already been six months and when I wake up I feel like I am entering a nightmare. I never know how the day is going to go as my bladder runs the show and have become pretty much housebound as I barely leave the house because of issues like finding a public bathroom. I also don't know where I am going to hurt and how much as it is so intense that even painkillers just numbed out my mind a little but I could still feel the pain in my core. When this first started my doctor compared it to water torture and it really is as one of my most basic functions have been drastically affected. It all happened after they rammed me with a catheter in a hospital almost six years ago and I feel that it is time to go already because I just feel like a burden on everyone. I hate my fucking existence so much.

I have interstitial cystitis, which is a bladder pain condition. It feels like I have a UTI most of the time. I totally understand what you're going through, my IC is a big part of the reason I'm on this site. I also have Lupus and I'm going through long term benzo withdrawal. I pretty much hate my life.

 

[Life_isover128]

That sounds horrible. I'm already lonely and miserable so a chronic illness would be the last straw for me

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I have interstitial cystitis, which is a bladder pain condition. It feels like I have a UTI most of the time. I totally understand what you're going through, my IC is a big part of the reason I'm on this site. I also have Lupus and I'm going through long term benzo withdrawal. I pretty much hate my life.

I'm sure you must have tried, but can you get a second opinion?

I used to work for a urological surgery firm and we would never have been content to let a patient suffer so much. Are you in the US?

Looking at it another way, have you tried leakproof undies? They have were a life changer for me when I was having issues with leaking and urgency a while back.

I'm sure these are silly questions, so please excuse me if they seem obvious. I don't want to offend you.

 

[Darkover]

i have a brain injury for 5 years nearly 6 years now basically headphones of all things damaged both my ears and brain due to prolonged use and drug addiction to weed caused a addiction to listening to music for hours on end each day it just felt to pleasureable to stop even tho i know it was causing my ears and brain damage i used to be programmer but can't work anymore this is the reason for me wanting to ctb before the end of this year hopefully

 

[Rational man]

I have autoimmune dysfunction, which arrived on the back of my 1st vax in March 2021. Ive had a Year of constant belly pain. My body buzzes all over. Bladder and bowel have become neurogenic ie, dont work.well. Drs don't know what to do. Ive,lost weight. I was healthy and fit before but now at 36, im dying. I hoped it may cure but ive accepted that life cannot go,on like this. I hope i die suddenly but now i guess i will find peace on my terms. I hope you find answers.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I'm sure you must have tried, but can you get a second opinion?

I used to work for a urological surgery firm and we would never have been content to let a patient suffer so much. Are you in the US?

Looking at it another way, have you tried leakproof undies? They have were a life changer for me when I was having issues with leaking and urgency a while back.

I'm sure these are silly questions, so please excuse me if they seem obvious. I don't want to offend you.

I don't have issues with leaking, just pain and frequency.

 

[hankbank3928]

I have schizophrenia and let me tell you, it is absolutely draining.

 

[Milianna]

Autism, depression, anxiety, a long standing eating disorder, and incontinence.

All of it coalesced to make me feel like I'd rather die than be here

 

[guest_0428]

I have fibromyalgia, which puts me in constant pain daily, excruciating pain. Also suffering from progressive hearing loss (currently at moderate-severe level), as well as chronic fatigue syndrome, tinnitus and migraines.
Going to ctb in late April

 

[whatevs]

Yes, I have chronic fatigue, unrefreshing sleep causing low-grade nausea and headaches, ejaculatory anhedonia and cholinergic urticaria.

 

[Rational man]

Similar in terms of the vax causing my life to essentially end. A year of hell, absolute agony. I pray for a heart attack that won't come, but I too will be finding peace on my terms. There's no peace in leaving my family. I had a good life. But I can give my family a second chance. They will grieve, and no one can replace a parent, but I know it is best for them.

I'm with you in spirit.

sorry to hear your plight. We had the vax in good faith, but some.people became ill or died. Im not sure how long i can go on but with this and all the other awful news everywhere, im almost ready to leave this world. Peace❤

 

[come to dust]

I have chrobic fatigue syndrome and it is enough to make me want to kill myself

 

[LittleCloud]

I have been having health problem since 11 years old, when I ended up in a hospital from excruciating stomach pain on a new years eve. Multiple issues, most not even diagnosed. I had the 'luck' of all of them being unknown-known issues such as gastritis, migraines etc. Doctors constantly ignore my issues because of my young age. One laughed in my face when i said i feel pain in my joints, and refused to send me for further testing.
Now, my throat has been hurting for two months straight, i have a growing bump under my tongue, and a swollen lymph node in the same place outside. Brain switches off suddenly, I feel huge pressure in my head which prevents me from thinking, speaking, learning etc. Haven't been tested for anything serious yet.

 

[_Seeking]

Yes, I have Ehlers-Danlos, Chronic Fatigue, a Mast Cell Disorder and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. I will CTB when I lose my mobility and cannot be independent any longer. I don't want to, but there is nothing to be done for my pain and it's becoming too much to bear ever since the end of last year when I tore the cartilage in both hips and the CRPS spread there.

It is overwhelming all of the things that can go wrong with one's body.

 

[Nina1]

Yes!
Wow I'm so sorry. I absolutely can relate. It definitely is mental torture everyday. I have MCAS which also causes bladder issues and chronic pain every day. Unable to work or even function half the time and am just a burden to my family that I'm staying with. I wish I had some advice for you.
Just know you are not alone
Msg me anytime. That's so awful

 

[foggy]

I have Lyme disease and thus chronic pain, fatigue and neurological issues. I'm so over it. I want it to end.

 

[S like suicide]

Of course...massive depression

 

[Lost Magic]

Respiratory problems, chronic depression and anxiety.

 

[Null Hypothesis]

Even though I'm feeling much better, that option is definitely still on the table. I have lupus nephritis, and kidney failure is a very real possibility. I was hospitalised earlier this month and there was a patient in my ward who was younger than I am, and had to be on dialysis. If there ever comes a day I when have to receive a transplant in order to live, I will consider my life forfeit. I don't think I can live with the guilt of being a recipient.

@itsallover OP, have you consulted a nephrologist, or has your doctor referred you to one? What you've described here is very concerning, as it could be a sign of kidney disease.

 

[grasping_at_straws]

I have a twisted body.

My hip is crooked, I have scoliosis throughout my entire spine lumbar, thoracic and cervical.

Pluss tooth problems are showing up.

 

[Ligottifan95]

I began having bladder related urgency/frequent urination symptoms in early 2015, which was thought to possibly be interstitial cystitis or prostatitis. This was not found after a cystoscopy was performed, but later I got even worse with pelvic muscle spasms and something of a rare condition effecting the genitals called 'hard flaccid syndrome'. I was diagnosed with pelvic floor dysfunction as an umbrella term or chronic pelvic pain syndrome and went through rounds of physical therapy and trigger point injections, but received no real relief or alleviation from the urinary urge and the torturous hard flaccid with urologists acting as if nothing was wrong "down there" or this was a manifestation merely of anxiety or psychological stressors. There has only been a boost in online papers and articles in the medical literature(snd the reddit sub) since 2019 or so. I will save the long winded account, but suffice it to say I still suffer from this along with major depression, anxiety, dysmorphia, and anhedonia. Then theres a bunch of stuff with frequent bowel movements and a rectal prolapse from 2019 i just had a surgery for in march, but still feel rather terrible.

 

[Klo]

If you are suffering physically and cannot take one more day of it, but just drag on with the faintest of hope then please message me. I want to know what it is like for you and how you have dealt with it whatever it is for however long. The thing driving me nuts is this constant urge to urinate and I have gotten to the point where I am using long term antibiotics but it's already been six months and when I wake up I feel like I am entering a nightmare. I never know how the day is going to go as my bladder runs the show and have become pretty much housebound as I barely leave the house because of issues like finding a public bathroom. I also don't know where I am going to hurt and how much as it is so intense that even painkillers just numbed out my mind a little but I could still feel the pain in my core. When this first started my doctor compared it to water torture and it really is as one of my most basic functions have been drastically affected. It all happened after they rammed me with a catheter in a hospital almost six years ago and I feel that it is time to go already because I just feel like a burden on everyone. I hate my fucking existence so much.

Sorry you are going through this. It sounds awful. I have rheumatoid arthritis and just found out I have permanent damage to my spine that is also making the nerves in my legs and feet burn. I walked to the store earlier and it feels like I might as well have walked on coals. Sometimes it is hard to separate physical pain from depression or figure out which comes first. I hope things can improve for you but I totally understand the burden of a physical problem and it making life difficult to live.

Dm if you ever want to talk

 

[Rational man]

I began having bladder related urgency/frequent urination symptoms in early 2015, which was thought to possibly be interstitial cystitis or prostatitis. This was not found after a cystoscopy was performed, but later I got even worse with pelvic muscle spasms and something of a rare condition effecting the genitals called 'hard flaccid syndrome'. I was diagnosed with pelvic floor dysfunction as an umbrella term or chronic pelvic pain syndrome and went through rounds of physical therapy and trigger point injections, but received no real relief or alleviation from the urinary urge and the torturous hard flaccid with urologists acting as if nothing was wrong "down there" or this was a manifestation merely of anxiety or psychological stressors. There has only been a boost in online papers and articles in the medical literature(snd the reddit sub) since 2019 or so. I will save the long winded account, but suffice it to say I still suffer from this along with major depression, anxiety, dysmorphia, and anhedonia. Then theres a bunch of stuff with frequent bowel movements and a rectal prolapse from 2019 i just had a surgery for in march, but still feel rather terrible.

Physical medical conditions can be devastating. Im there too. Mine triggered autoimmune responce to covid vax. Im essentially dying and wasting away. Online research is interesting but ive often found that they are written by the very doctors who dont have the full answers. I found myself going down a ' rabbit hole' of medical stuff when in short i already have the control to resolve my awfulness in the the form of ctb/ assisted dying. i wish you peace

 

[EvaKay]

I have undiagnosed chronic pain that I've been unable to be seen for due to lack of insurance. I also have sensory processing issues due to ASD, which amplifies everything I feel. I feel selfish for letting it get to me in this way because there are people who suffer more with cp than I do and are able to soldier on. I can't. It's one of the plethora of reasons I want to leave.

 

[corvoscuro]

Yes I'm living a nightmare from a chronic condition. I really pray to day every day cause I don't have the courage to kill myself, if I had a gun maybe I could go through it, but every other method that's not instant scares me, and I don't have any way. I would gladly switch what I have with a mental condition any day.

 

[Niko66]

Chronic pain is the main thing driving me to suicide, I was able to bear the mental illness side on itself but now I have constant digestive issues since two years ago. My throat and esophagus hurt all the time but especially after eating due to reflux which they have found no cause nor solution for. Food makes my stomach hurt and I have mild diarrhea that simply doesn't go away, I have tried treatments and tests to no avail, 0 improvement.

In my teens always dealt with constant headaches and joint pain so I wrecked my stomach with painkillers for good, still can't really do any strenuous exercise without my joints becoming very painful (another condition for which doctors never found anything) so I am extremely weak for a guy, I have constant back pain as well which I've tried to correct with milder exercises like yoga and stretches and again no results! Any one thing could be bearable but being depressed, autistic, anxious, lonely and just a reject all around combined with everything it's just too much for me. I feel like every day I am under literal torture, I hate that I have to eat at all. I hate that despite so many issues professional help has done nothing but waste my money, time, wreck my health with meds even more and get my hopes up just to crush them back down. I wish anything helped at all, it feels like every year I have a new pain, but this is the first year where I truly feel like I reached my capacity.

And the cherry on top is that I have no money for expensive tests or specialists to look into complex issues, they barely even exist in my country anyway (3rd world with barely a few million in population)

 

[Immunitysucks]

I have extreme Mast Cell Activation Syndome, nowhere is safe, have gone only down hill whatever i try . This condition comes with bunch of fun stuff, i could deal with everything until recently it got worse that i trully dont see any possible improvement options.

The thing is that I can not take 90% of medications, for example all benzos will not make me drowsy but instead will make my heart race and give me insomnia, pain, fever. So i cant try most of pill options, and i am afraid that i would react similary to SN or N and my reactions could pull me out of any attempt.