Help anyone have tips for getting better at socializing? (autism)

[imcrashingout]

I'm ASD level 1, and as a result I struggle with social situations but I'm not entirely incapable of talking with other people. I have a few surface level relationships at school, but I'd like to build upon them and meet more people but it's kind of daunting to do. Social battery is a bitch, i crave socialization but whenever i try to chill with others i get easily drained. Anyone have tips for overcoming these troubles? What has helped you with social complications? I find it much easier to talk with neurodivergent individuals… but i also know that there are reasonable, understanding, and mature neurotypicals that will accept me regardless my

(PLEASE ONLY REPLY IF YOU ARE ON THE SPECTRUM.)

 

[Linda]

I scored 26 on the AQ (Autism Spectrum Quoient) test when I took it recently. I don't consider myself to be autistic, but if you consider that to be "autistic enough" I'll respond to your post. If I don;t hear from you, I'll assume that you don't want me to post further in this thread.

 

[imcrashingout]

I scored 26 on the AQ (Autism Spectrum Quoient) test when I took it recently. I don't consider myself to be autistic, but if you consider that to be "autistic enough" I'll respond to your post. If I don;t hear from you, I'll assume that you don't want me to post further in this thread.

Fuck it sure i guess

 

[Linda]

I don't particularly like socialising with people either. I find it stressful. That's a combination of introversion (certainly) and one of my mild autistic traits (probably). At one time I wasn't very good at it. Then, when I left college, I took a job in the oil business. I had no choice but to interact with people. often complete strangers, a lot, day after day. At first, I still wasn't very good at it. But, over time, I found that it became easier. Today, nearly half a century later, I still don't really like interacting with people, but I can now do it in a way that looks skilled, professional and completely effortless to an outsider. (They don't know what's going on inside me.)

What is comes down to, I think, is something like the old saying that "Practice makes perfect". That's an exaggeration: practice doesn't make you "perfect" but it does make you better at things.

Unfortunately, the hardest part is making the first steps. When you have not developed any skills for interacting with people, it's scary because you don't know how to do it, and you fear - probably correctly - that you are not going to do it very well. You just have to push on through that stage. Accept that things won't go particularly well at first, despite your efforts. You will probably make a fool of yourself sometimes. But keep at it. (And when things don't go well, try to analyse what went wrong, so you can learn from it.) Eventually the hard work will pay off.

You will probably always find social situations tiring, even draining. I still do. But you can probably learn to handle them well enough to get by.

Good luck.

One other useful tip. It often helps to get the other person talking about their favorite subject. You always know what their favorite subject is. Themself.

 

[WhenTheyCry]

I'm not sure if you want to hear this, but if you're autistic there's a chance you'll never get better at socializing. I'm saying this as someone who's autistic myself. Maybe you just have to hope for future medicine and technology to find a cure for autism.

 

[Adûnâi]

I'm not sure whether I'm autistic, I just never interacted with any humans in my life (aside from my mom), and I wouldn't trust the local Ukrainian shrinks to "diagnose" me lmao

 

[Unicr0n]

There's a chance yes, but life is about taking chances. I'm autistic as well. Have only had one friend from seventh grade, lost them because they did something horrible. Autism can be improved upon if you're cognizant and willing to try to make a change.

. Social battery is a bitch, i crave socialization but whenever i try to chill with others i get easily drained. Anyone have tips for overcoming these troubles?

You can train your social battery to be longer but realistically once you're tapped out, you're tapped out. I baby-sat a 2 year old for one hour yesterday and that was it. Couldn't tolerate any social interaction after that, even though I've trained myself to handle at least 3 hours of social interaction. Training for me started with volunteer work. Older people seem more tolerant of people who have trouble being social. I volunteered at a animal shelter, where you could both talk about a common thing that you both liked: animals. And if you felt tapped out, you could always quit for the day. Going to groups that share your common interest is crucial. Magic The Gathering, Yugioh, Dungeons and Dragons, those sort of things, they all often have IRL meetups that you might be able to find if you explore your city for Game Shops. They can help you find your limit for your social battery currently and help to expand it in a comfortable environment.

Also, taking college courses [community or public uni] force people to talk with you... (: The caveat being that it forces you to talk with them as well, even if your battery might be worn out for the day. This did help me break out of my bad coping habits tremendously, though. I made a looooot of mistakes but each mistake I reviewed and it helped me built up a shell so that people aren't immediately repelled by me. And... maybe some of that shell has become integral to who I really am now... I'm not so skittish in social situations anymore and I don't think that's just the shell. It changes who you are to keep practicing :)

Edit: I scored 36 on that test. I don't think most people would be able to detect that I'm autistic on a surface level, though. Worked hard to make sure it wasn't detectable. Remember that tests alone aren't good enough to tell you whether or not you're autistic. People who have anxiety score higher on autism tests because of the questions.

 

[Kit1]

I am autistic. Very few people who know me know that I am autistic. I have always worked in a front line role - thankfully changing my job role away from front facing from next week. I do mask and am pretty good at it.

In terms of friendships - I have some friends and I can meet up in very small groups for a maximum of two hours and it takes weeks to get back some form of normality. I am not even sure if I have any deep friendships.

 

[Professor K]

Autistic as well and also trying to socialize.

The few things that worked (I think) is trying to look chill and confident and smiling...

Not be too serious or literal (try to make them laugh a little bit).

Also ask questions to show your interest.

The hardest part is finding inspiration for questions and jokes, keeping eye contact and good posture...
You can't look too anxious and akward, you can't let your voice be monotone.

I improved thanks to my therapist pointing things out, otherwise I would have never known what I was doing wrong.

It is all so tiring to be honest, but it's good to see things work for once...

Autistic as well and also trying to socialize.

The few things that worked (I think) is trying to look chill and confident and smiling...

Not be too serious or literal (try to make them laugh a little bit).

Also ask questions to show your interest.

The hardest part is finding inspiration for questions and jokes, keeping eye contact and good posture...
You can't look too anxious and akward, you can't let your voice be monotone.

I improved thanks to my therapist pointing things out, otherwise I would have never known what I was doing wrong.

It is all so tiring to be honest, but it's good to see things work for once...

oh ! And one new aspect I've learned in therapy was the emotional aspect in conversations.


People, when they talk to each other always talk about their emotions (I had never noticed)
For instance: Oh, I did this yesterday and it was so annoying
Before all I'd say was : this weekend I when to the movie theater.
Never include my emotion and never acknowledge other people's...

It takes nothing to add "i loved it, it was amazing !" With enthusiasm
Yet it changes everything.

So if a person said to me : I'm so exhausted...
All I could say was : ah....(or) why? (And ask about the literal reason why they are exhausted never actually supporting them.. .)

I don't know if that helps.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm not sure if you want to hear this, but if you're autistic there's a chance you'll never get better at socializing. I'm saying this as someone who's autistic myself. Maybe you just have to hope for future medicine and technology to find a cure for autism.

I appreciate the honesty here and I think that I'm one of these people who just won't ever get better. Hopefully other people here do have a chance at getting better at socialising and living a life in general

 

[gbh]

PARALLEL PLAY! To just read, cook, craft, do housework, surf the web, etc while being in the same room as a friend is social. Try to be honest with your friends about what the dynamic would have to look like for you to be able to spend time with them without it being a mentally draining experience. Seek out friends who understand and respect your limited social capacities and are willing to put the effort into working within them.
Use Supports! I wear earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones at every major event and every social gathering with over like 3 people and it has been life-changing in regards to burnout threshold. I hold quiet sensory toys in work meetings and opt for the least physically stimulating outfit when I know I'm going to be pushing my tolerance limits. Also learn to leave confidently when that limit is approaching, not after it's passed.
Also practice doing "social" outings that don't actually require an individual output like public events or lectures, movie theaters, craft nights, open classes, going to cafes or parks by yourself and just being around people.
I can feel the way that plenty of people like me less since I started making an effort to unmask, avoid fawning and people-pleasing, but the benefit of actually enjoying the time I spend with the people who do appreciate me for something deeper than social platitudes is well worth acquaintances and strangers sometimes thinking of me as rude or standoffish.

I'm not sure if you want to hear this, but if you're autistic there's a chance you'll never get better at socializing. I'm saying this as someone who's autistic myself. Maybe you just have to hope for future medicine and technology to find a cure for autism.

I do not want my autism "cured" because it is not a sickness.