Anyone else so worn out from depression that they barely have the energy to ctb?

[bigj75]

I can't believe how exhausting depression/anxiety is. Its different from physical exhaustion but just as tiring at times. The amount of energy and stress it takes planning the ctb is very hard especially after failed attempts. Depression is horrifying. Constantly in your head thinking and being distracted every day. It's been like that for 9 years and it's taking a huge tole on me. Had a few mental breakdowns.

 

[Deadinside24]

I can't believe how exhausting depression/anxiety is. Its different from physical exhaustion but just as tiring at times. The amount of energy and stress it takes planning the ctb is very hard especially after failed attempts. Depression is horrifying. Constantly in your head thinking and being distracted every day. It's been like that for 9 years and it's taking a huge tole on me. Had a few mental breakdowns.

Yeah it absolutely does take a toll on you. It's hard to sleep and be healthy because your mind is constantly dealing with very difficult things. Like a huge weight on your shoulders.

 

[Clover]

Me
But I will find the energy

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I can't believe how exhausting depression/anxiety is. Its different from physical exhaustion but just as tiring at times. The amount of energy and stress it takes planning the ctb is very hard especially after failed attempts. Depression is horrifying. Constantly in your head thinking and being distracted every day. It's been like that for 9 years and it's taking a huge tole on me. Had a few mental breakdowns.

I'm exhausted every day but I'm not too exhausted to ctb. Other reasons like family and fear of failing I guess.

 

[bigj75]

Yeah it absolutely does take a toll on you. It's hard to sleep and be healthy because your mind is constantly dealing with very difficult things. Like a huge weight on your shoulders.

I remember when i wasn't depressed. I had so much energy and felt a sense of peace. Exactly like you described it a weight on the shoulders.

 

[bigj75]

Me
But I will find the energy

I aswell. My method is coffee and a little alcohol. It gives me a boost. I just need to plan right now.

 

[Deadinside24]

I remember when i wasn't depressed. I had so much energy and felt a sense of peace. Exactly like you described it a weight on the shoulders.

Exactly. It's like night and day. Easy to sleep, easy to get out of bed in the morning and get shit done. Now it's like tossing and turning and the hardest part is getting out of bed with just enough energy to do what you need to in the day just so you can go climb into bed again.

 

[throwaway123]

I can't believe how exhausting depression/anxiety is. Its different from physical exhaustion but just as tiring at times. The amount of energy and stress it takes planning the ctb is very hard especially after failed attempts. Depression is horrifying. Constantly in your head thinking and being distracted every day. It's been like that for 9 years and it's taking a huge tole on me. Had a few mental breakdowns.

Man you're speaking my language.

I remember a couple of years ago I wasn't like this. I had a lot of energy but now it feels like I'm a drained battery. In my first and only two attempts I had huge amounts of energy and willpower but after realizing that I failed it just drained me. I am a failure in life and a failure in CTB.


Advise: Anyone who plans to CTB: do it right the first time!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh yes. Very tired. So sleep! I wish...

 

[skitliv]

I sleep +10 hours and I'm extremely exhausted no matter what

 

[bigj75]

I sleep +10 hours and I'm extremely exhausted no matter what

been there.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Depression is like being neck deep in tar or something, every move requires effort. Everything is exhausting.

 

[RoloTomasi]

Yes, been feeling the same, this is so hard.

 

[FadedMemory]

I sleep all day and I'm still tired...
Nothing makes me happy, even watching my favorite shows is now a chore.
However I think I would have been able to ctb with no problem it's just that I don't have a good plan yet.

 

[bigj75]

Depression is like being neck deep in tar or something, every move requires effort. Everything is exhausting.

damn you nailed it.

 

[sunflowerfacingdown]

I sleep all day and I'm still tired...
Nothing makes me happy, even watching my favorite shows is now a chore.

This is me also. Especially in the last year. I barely can function.

 

[Phro]

About the only thing that I have energy left for is to ctb. Every moment that I'm awake, suicide is on my mind.

 

[ScaredOfLife]

Depression is exhausting. There are years of my life where I did nothing but sleep, only getting up to use the bathroom and to eat.

 

[CRM]

Running out of energy to even post on this forum. I'm back to my lonely life again.

 

[wanttodie]

some days yes

 

[Madrid27]

I would like to sleep and not wake up. It's like living with constant anguish and sadness.

 

[Lizzie S.]

I'm tired from a failed attempt (heroin OD), it has left me sleeping over 12 hours every night and still feeling exhausted. Eating, moving, anything is hard. I feel like I'm dying.

 

[nuclearsnake]

Yeah, I feel like I'm so busy with hating myself, getting triggered and all upsetti and obsessing over how I can kill myself that I end up lacking the energy to actually do it. Even just existing is draining.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

I'm too old and exhausted to have the great urges I used to have to do it. That's what really sucks. The urges used to be so strong. And the rush of almost doing it then chickening out. Damn, I was alive back then.

Now I'm dead either way, except just stuck in this shitty mediocre limbo stage. I went from a living dead man to a dead living man. No good.

 

[windingdown]

When I had major depression last year (now it's just existential; life-weariness and despair), it was often very hard just to take a shower or unload the dishwasher. I read things online about being gentle with oneself in depression, knowing that making a piece of toast is enough, and how we are strong and brave in our depression. I appreciate things like that.

Lately, I have better and worse days in terms of having energy for planning and tasks. Some days things feel insurmountable, others I feel competent.

 

[bigj75]

When I had major depression last year (now it's just existential; life-weariness and despair), it was often very hard just to take a shower or unload the dishwasher. I read things online about being gentle with oneself in depression, knowing that making a piece of toast is enough, and how we are strong and brave in our depression. I appreciate things like that.

Lately, I have better and worse days in terms of having energy for planning and tasks. Some days things feel insurmountable, others I feel competent.

I've noticed I gotta take caffeine and sometimes drink to do get stuff done. I just feel so drained all the time.

 

[Lunar]

Yeah, lots of things people have said in this thread are very relatable.

It's a cycle of feeling trapped, sitting here self-loathing and just being drained by being alive and wanting to end it but you feel so exhausted. I feel like anhedonia and memory loss is also a frequent problem for me. I honestly get sick of the few people I know asking me my opinion on something when it's particularly bad, I know it's not their fault but I often have to lie and pretend I like/enjoy things because it's easier than trying to explain.

 

[bigj75]

Yeah, lots of things people have said in this thread are very relatable.

It's a cycle of feeling trapped, sitting here self-loathing and just being drained by being alive and wanting to end it but you feel so exhausted. I feel like anhedonia and memory loss is also a frequent problem for me. I honestly get sick of the few people I know asking me my opinion on something when it's particularly bad, I know it's not their fault but I often have to lie and pretend I like/enjoy things because it's easier than trying to explain.

yae its way to complex to try to explain it so I just fake being happy.

 

[throwaway123]

Yeah it absolutely does take a toll on you. It's hard to sleep and be healthy because your mind is constantly dealing with very difficult things. Like a huge weight on your shoulders.

Yes, but I will have to force myself.