Discussion Anyone else feel like they were destined to die by ctb?

[Shero]

People who die from a "natural death" could have died sooner. A high majority of them get surgical intervention in life, for example Appendicitis. Most of the pro-lifers don't understand, that we always play with life & death. Dr. Kevorkian pointed that perfectly out. So when you try to keep me alife, with all the tools provisioned, you should give me the tools for cbting as well.

TLDR: i agree with thread maker.

 

[TAW122]

I do feel this way at times, I felt that I just didn't really fit in this world and that everything in general just sucks, with a few fleeting, good times. However, those good times are simply just not enough to last a lifetime, but are rather transient and they come and go. It is a matter of time before I tire of suffering in this world, in which then I would go and CTB (along with other factors and circumstances that line up).

 

[R_N]

Either that or life in hell.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I started having suicidal thoughts 2 years ago. But not so often. Last year they became stronger after trying all options to improve my health but failed. And now I have them daily. There's no single day I don't feel suicidal.

 

[Flippy]

The earliest memory I have of myself wanting to kill myself was around 2-3 years old. There were things going on that I was too young to deal with which I won't bother people with here. I guess it triggered some primal instinct in me even so young that just followed me through my life such as it is. The bad stuff followed me too for a long time. I've always as far as I remember had the feeling I would die by my own hand one way or another. I've tried in the past but lacking the knowledge I would have needed at the time I only ended up making myself sick or things worse. I think that brought me to the realisation suicide has to be a well thought out and logical process, rather than a desperate escape from the things that motivate me to ctb.

 

[porfin1234]

I first had suicidal thoughts when I was 14. Thoughts went away during college until graduate school. Downhill from there. Had a couple of years where it was ok. Last year was super super high but still had thoughts even when happy from extreme emotional roller coaster and just wanting it to stop. Even when I didn't hate myself, I had the thoughts. Oh well.
Mom attempted many times.

 

[passenger27]

I've felt destined to CTB for as long as I remember. I didn't ask to be thrown in this world so if I want to bail that's my choice. Most people are so against suicide. Why? So you can die of cancer or a car wreck? Everybody's number is coming up. Nothing's going to change that. I watched my mom die a painful death and I swore then I'm dying on my own terms. But I've always felt that way. I really get a sense of freedom from knowing I can die when and how I want. It's like Janis Joplin sang: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." True, so true.

 

[WaitingAround2Die]

I wish I had the conviction that it was my destiny and the courage to embrace it.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

Since I killed someone accidentally when I was age 18 I knew this was a distinct possibility. Just gets closer and closer. Not destiny tho, just circumstances.

 

[Élégie]

Yes. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid/preteen. I never thought I would die of a natural cause or old age.

 

[OneBigBlur]

I knew 20 years ago because of the amount of problems I already had that were persistent throughout life. It was always a matter of when, not a matter of if. I wish there was a method like SN 10 years ago, I could've saved myself so much pointless suffering.

 

[mesohappy]

I've always had this idea in my head that I was destined to die by my own hand. I've always felt like when it is my time to die, it will be by ctb.
Also, I know a lot of people believe that if you ctb, you are going at a time when you were not meant to go. I don't believe that.
I think when it comes your time to go, if you go by ctb, then that's just how you were meant to go. I don't think everyone in this world was meant to have a natural death. Some people are destined to ctb.

Any thoughts?

I didnt always have the idea to die by my own hand,developed it after seeing loved ones die horrendously,fighting for thier lives,even after doctors said,and family members knew, that the battle was unwinnable.I dont think I want to go out like that.Prayers dont matter,treatment doesnt matter.Im not gonna suffer for a life that I really dont give a shit about anyway.

 

[Daffodil]

When I was 16 I thought I wouldn't live to 21. When I hit my 20s I tried to turn my life around and better myself. I struggled through that for 10 years and now I'm back where I was then. Have wanted to go out like Marilyn Monroe for a long time, been jealous of her peaceful death and researched her for many years.

 

[ShadowChild]

Iv had it in my head for a while to be honest. I'm not gonna see 30. That gives me less than a year.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I was suicidal since I was 9. I'm going to make sure I kill myself and succeed with it

 

[Nem]

I've had depression for a freakin long time, first suicide attempt at 18 and was rescued. Was fine until I had a sociopathic partner and clueless dr that helped destroy my health. The first year after my near death experience I thought of suicide over one million times and I really mean one million times. I regret not killing myself right after I nearly died from medical malpractice, things don't always get better
Peace/hugs

 

[Nogodallchaos]

Kinda, everything in my life has gone badly and nothing ever worked out. I had bad bad luck with much stuff and I'm tired of life playing me tricks. That's also why I will CTB soon.

 

[Flippy]

Since I killed someone accidentally when I was age 18 I knew this was a distinct possibility. Just gets closer and closer. Not destiny tho, just circumstances.

That sounds like a horrible pain to endure :-( I don't know quite what to say and certainly don't want to end up making you feel worse because I am so good at putting my foot in my mouth :-(

 

[Alec]

Yes definitely
And I agree with you

 

[Flippy]

Yes definitely
And I agree with you

You agree with my ability to put my foot in my mouth? Or my entire statement? Or someone else? Don't worry I'm waaaay past having a bruised ego now :-)

 

[Indieblue]

People who die from a "natural death" could have died sooner. A high majority of them get surgical intervention in life, for example Appendicitis. Most of the pro-lifers don't understand, that we always play with life & death. Dr. Kevorkian pointed that perfectly out. So when you try to keep me alife, with all the tools provisioned, you should give me the tools for cbting as well.

TLDR: i agree with thread maker.

I feel exactly like this way. That if it weren't for the modern day surgical intervention i could have long gone from this world. I wish i just withheld it instead.

 

[Xena87]

Yes I understand! I have always felt this way about myself. You're not alone! Idkw we have this void in us....maybe we're just aliens who wish to go home

 

[Anon2662]

100%. Ive known for many years that it will be the way I die. Had a few failed attempts but now determined and trying to find the most peaceful method not just for myself, but to help ease the pain for my mum and sister.. knowing it wasn't violent or I didn't suffer will hopefully help them when I've escaped this world.

....maybe we're just aliens who wish to go home

Wow imagine if that were true and then we all found out why we felt this way in this life! I kinda like that idea!

 

[mesohappy]

Yes I understand! I have always felt this way about myself. You're not alone! Idkw we have this void in us....maybe we're just aliens who wish to go home

I was thinking about something like this the other day.

Like what if after all the fighting to go on and agonizing over the decision,struggling with guilt,etc,I finally did it and as soon as I expire,I "wake up" surrounded by smiling loved ones and a loving creator and they all are saying things like "finally...What took you so long?We've been waiting for you to come back,why did you keep fighting it?"

 

[LMLN]

I was thinking about something like this the other day.

Like what if after all the fighting to go on and agonizing over the decision,struggling with guilt,etc,I finally did it and as soon as I expire,I "wake up" surrounded by smiling loved ones and a loving creator and they all are saying things like "finally...What took you so long?We've been waiting for you to come back,why did you keep fighting it?"

I know! I think about that too.

 

[Xena87]

I was thinking about something like this the other day.

Like what if after all the fighting to go on and agonizing over the decision,struggling with guilt,etc,I finally did it and as soon as I expire,I "wake up" surrounded by smiling loved ones and a loving creator and they all are saying things like "finally...What took you so long?We've been waiting for you to come back,why did you keep fighting it?"

This has brought tears to my eyes. This is so beautiful...we're the lucky ones! So many people are unaware of life beyond this planet. We are so important and so loved, this is why they're calling us back home. This is why we feel so alone and different in this world...we're aliens here.

 

[BPDbitch]

Not sure about destined, but at this point it seems inevitable.

 

[Dead.Marilyn.Sad]

When I was 16 I thought I wouldn't live to 21. When I hit my 20s I tried to turn my life around and better myself. I struggled through that for 10 years and now I'm back where I was then. Have wanted to go out like Marilyn Monroe for a long time, been jealous of her peaceful death and researched her for many years.

Me too... I always fantasize about dying just like her, but I think it will look more like Alexander McQueen's death

 

[Finished]

I've always had this idea in my head that I was destined to die by my own hand. I've always felt like when it is my time to die, it will be by ctb.
Also, I know a lot of people believe that if you ctb, you are going at a time when you were not meant to go. I don't believe that.
I think when it comes your time to go, if you go by ctb, then that's just how you were meant to go. I don't think everyone in this world was meant to have a natural death. Some people are destined to ctb.

Any thoughts?

I've always had this idea in my head that I was destined to die by my own hand. I've always felt like when it is my time to die, it will be by ctb.
Also, I know a lot of people believe that if you ctb, you are going at a time when you were not meant to go. I don't believe that.
I think when it comes your time to go, if you go by ctb, then that's just how you were meant to go. I don't think everyone in this world was meant to have a natural death. Some people are destined to ctb.

Any thoughts?

I can totally relate to your post I also feel like I was destined to commit suicide that it's bound to happen like I am just already numbered as one of the Suicide deaths

 

[Weightoftheworld]

Always agreed with this.