Discussion Anyone else feel like they were destined to die by ctb?

[AcornUnderground]

I've always had the sense that I would die young, and in a fucked up way. I've said to many close friends or boyfriends : "Mark my word, when I die it'll be totally weird and a mess only I'd get myself into." And then I'd laugh and go on with my wonderful life. Then BAM I get a severe form of a totally strange awful illness and backed into this corner of killing myself even though I've never wanted to die. Ever. So I guess I #nailedit

 

[Zzzzz]

I feel torn on this question of destiny and it has brought me much confusion.A part of me feels I might be breaking some cosmic law and be somehow penalized for it in the next life (if there is one) . and another part of me feels like I'm supposed to do it. I Don't know the answer, but I do know that I have felt for many years that life is a cruel thing for me to endure.

 

[Emily123]

ctb is my destiny . i suffer everyday in my life .i just don't have a courage to do it with any method except N.I don't also want my mom mourn after my death

 

[TVtrays]

Yup. I can't possibly conceive of a death from natural causes. I will die by ctb

 

[muffin222]

Perhaps

 

[per_aspera_ad_astra]

I don't know if I believe in destiny, but I've had the desire to kill myself for my entire life. I guess it's been a dream of mine. I remember how I used to fantasize about killing myself before graduating high school. I was always scared that living on would lead me to regret more and more of my life while letting more people down. I don't know if I'm ready to commit to it just yet, but someday, I would like to end my life with my own hands.

 

[lostalice]

How would you do it?
I cannot afford to pay someone to do it for me.
I don't know the full facts and what I'd need for Nitrogen / Helium.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. I'm from Manchester in UK.

 

[Eternity]

Not necessarily by destiny, but I always had that feeling like my life is a book. A book with a destined end (suicide), a written beginning, a blank centre. But no matter what I do or choose, the outcome will be the same because it's already written.

 

[TrailerTrash]

Short answer ...... definite yes.

 

[disconnection]

Oh my goodness, yes! I have felt that way since my mid 20s. Was so surprised to make it past 30 but still certain this'll be the way I go. Every time I hear a suicide reported it just feels *personal* if that makes any sense, like I'm linked to it through my future death method. That sounds weird, but not sure how else to put it.

Re soul contracts, I have a belief that suicide will fuck up future life chances. I kinda feel that we are meant to *prove* somehow that we can get through certain things and that if we do, our next lives will be better. But last year I also had an intense feeling of being called *back* to the spirit world and know it's my time. In fact, I feel I've already out stayed my welcome in this world. Not sure how many others have spiritual beliefs tied into all this? But it certainly gives it all a more complex layered quality when weighing it all up.

God, so good to be able to 'talk' openly about this stuff.

 

[Smashingairwaves]

Not necessarily destined, but i don't see any other way out of this life apart from suicide. I want to be the one who decides when my life ends.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I don't know if I was destined to die by me own hand per say, but I definitely feel I was destined to not live long. I already feel 30 years is too long, haven't got another 30 in the tank that's for sure.

 

[Walilamdzi]

I feel like I've always empathised with people who felt like this from a young age.

 

[RepressedMind]

I assumed it was going to happen, since I could never see life not ending up this way, I tried, but mentally I am just too weak.

I honestly miss the calm days during high school when I would just think that by the time I turned 18 I would kill myself.

 

[Bct]

Not necessarily believe in the destiny, but it's ironic how some years ago I thought I would live in a long age (around 80s) when currently I don't think I would live past 27.

 

[NekoNomNom]

When I was a freshman in high school, a girl offered to read my palm for me. As it turns out, my lifeline splits off about halfway: one way ends very shortly, and the other goes down to my wrist. She warned me that certain events in my life could prematurely end it, depending on what decisions were made.

I've held onto that, and it turns out that she was right.

 

[willitpass]

I've always had this idea in my head that I was destined to die by my own hand. I've always felt like when it is my time to die, it will be by ctb.
Also, I know a lot of people believe that if you ctb, you are going at a time when you were not meant to go. I don't believe that.
I think when it comes your time to go, if you go by ctb, then that's just how you were meant to go. I don't think everyone in this world was meant to have a natural death. Some people are destined to ctb.

Any thoughts?

I've felt that way since i was 11 or 12. even if i'm doing okay for a while, i know that some day i will fall into a deep place and i won't be able to get out of it. some day i will ctb and i don't think anything can change that

 

[Erase.myself]

I don't believe in fate or destiny. However, I do believe that I'm not supposed to be on this earth for long. I recall being 15 and thinking I'd never make it to 21 due to suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, drug addiction and severe depression. I am now 32 years old, and things have only gotten worse as time continues. Im surprised I've made it this far; people call me "strong" a "survivor".... I'm so tired of merely just surviving. Living like a ghost amongst society, just surviving and not thriving. I just wanna catch the goddamn bus already.

 

[Blue Portal]

I dont think I'm destined to ctb but I think it's very likely yes.

 

[SleeplessSoul]

I'm not sure if I feel like I'm destined to die by suicide, but I also can't imagine dying any other way

 

[Iamnotperminant92]

I've heard somewhere that all forms of death are suicides. Either 'contracted' (murder, accident), decline in health(the afflicted parts being connected to another issue in life. It's a slow suicide,) or dying by ones own hands (mission abort.)

In regards to being destined to CBT, I don't know. Maybe before I was put in this body I was aware I was likely to CTB. I don't think it's destined though. I think CTB can only be as bad as an unfinished manuscript.

I've really only seen myself either dying young or living a conventional but unsatisfying second half

I'm 27 now and I'll be a bit surprised if I make it passed 33, and pissed if I make it to 40 and diabetes/obesity hasn't done its job.

 

[return-nil]

Nobody can know their "destiny" but I have known for a very long time that I will end my life when I'm ready. I've been dead for a long time already.

 

[K-O]

ive almost died in the past-
someone (bf) almost killed me with a massive rock
2 overdosing
and ones speed drove into a wall double flipped landed backwards - car dead me intact..
so who knows
but still- a YES

 

[niloc]

I've known for many many years it's probably going to be my way out. For the longest time, I've said I've not want to reach my 50s-60s.. well, I'm nearly 41 now and I'm feeling that the time is going to be much much sooner than that. Once I lose my job here soon, I'll probably be over that tipping point.. probably within weeks now..

 

[GoBack]

I had first suicidal thoughts at about 7 or 8. And premonitions of death as long as I remember. I didn't understand them at the time but now I do. So yeah I think it's fate or destiny, I could have done better but I fucked it up

 

[The Dark Chaos]

Yeahh I also believe that I'll kill myself. Maybe not today, not next week or maybe next month. But I can feel it. I'll end my life on my own terms...

 

[all_pointless]

I guess at some point in my childhood i knew it'll be inevitable

 

[Sinai Silence]

I've known since I was 12 that I was comfortable with dying and that it would be by my own hands. Just didn't know when at the time.

 

[Shinkansen]

I'm not saying that I feel destined to commit suicide, I'm just saying that I can't imagine myself being old.

 

[Serenity]

I don't believe in destiny. I believe that I control my own destiny, and given my past dumb choices, this is what I now choose.