Anyone else feel being on this site has actually been a waste of time?( vent and frustration.)

[UnlimitedPain]

It sucks that it's never easy and work has too be done especially when people don't have energy to do it,

Am more on the new side of member but I used to come here to read before eventually I got courage to member up, up actively dwindles probably based on how my mental state is from day too day

You can vent, research, discuss, play games, chat and maybe some people even make friends

However those who find the courage too CTB and find peace from this cursed existence of suffering, that's a choice (courageous one I may add)

You logging on, feeling trapped in cycle, is also a choice

Reality is nobody can just hand you what you want

Harsh truth is maybe consider a break or not coming back

 

[PurpleMonkey]

This site helped grant me access to SN and a variety of tips on how it's properly administered. That's about as useful as an SS resource can be.

Sorry that you're not having a good time, OP. Sure there's a lot of venting that can be seen as melodramatic but truth me told, I wouldn't consider you're initial post to be much different :p

 

[Jadzia]

I've found this site helpful and supportive

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I've acquired all the information I can get from other places like 8chan /suicide/ tips & tricks, the old subreddit, and alt.suicide.methods on Google groups, and when it comes to this site, the information on methods is hardly anything I've known already. And no, the night night isn't really anything new; it's just glorified ligature strangulation.

But having said that, the site does have some merit, as I communicating with a few friends who remain alive. And due to me no longer being suicidal, I want to guide people out of the abyss, and when it comes to individuals who are truly hopeless, I could be the one to provide useful information on methods that are obscure on here (mainly plant methods).

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I do feel like I am wasting time since no one has the answer to solve my problems completely (well, there is no way to). I came here to find a suitable ctb method, and I found one. Now my only purpose on here is it o vent and bitch about how I was born the wrong way.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I do feel like I am wasting time since no one has the answer to solve my problems completely (well, there is no way to). I came here to find a suitable ctb method, and I found one. Now my only purpose on here is it o vent and bitch about how I was born the wrong way.

Oh hey, it's you...

Actually... maybe there is, though I'm not knowledgeable in the field. But I believe there are alternatives.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Oh hey, it's you...

Actually... maybe there is, though I'm not knowledgeable in the field. But I believe there are alternatives.

If you are referring to transitioning, I used the word "completely" for a reason. Transitioning and HRT doesn't actually solve the problem. The only way is to make me young cis female, or to take me back in time and change my assigned sex at birth (neither of which is possible).

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

If you are referring to transitioning, I used the word "completely" for a reason. Transitioning and HRT doesn't actually solve the problem. The only way is to make me young cis female, or to take me back in time and change my assigned sex at birth (neither of which is possible).

Yeah, I haven't forgotten about that. And I kinda don't wanna push it on you if you don't want to, and it's not my place to either, but I was gonna suggest maybe reflecting deeper as to why you want to be a woman, and why you hate being a man, perhaps with the help of an unbiased therapist (though that's hard to come by these days. (I was doing some reflecting since the thread)

Dm me if you'd like... I'm kinda in the process of better understanding this as part of my ultimate goal. Even as a cis male... I've been going balls deep into the rabbit hole... lol

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Yeah, I haven't forgotten about that. And I kinda don't wanna push it on you if you don't want to, and it's not my place to either, but I was gonna suggest maybe reflecting deeper as to why you want to be a woman, and why you hate being a man, perhaps with the help of an unbiased therapist (though that's hard to come by these days. (I was doing some reflecting since the thread)

Dm me if you'd like... I'm kinda in the process of better understanding this as part of my ultimate goal.

It all comes down to being disgusted by the male body and wanting a body that I find attractive. I hate everything about being male from facial hair, to the ugly voice, to the genitailia and so forth. Not a single thing about being male is redeemable to me and masculinity is cringe to me. I prefer being a femine and petite female as opposed to a big masculine male.

Someone would have to gaslight me into not finding the male body and masculinity gross, and I will never allow someone to gaslight me into thinking that. I want to be pretty and feminine and FEMALE (emphasis on female, because I don't want to be a femboy) and having to been born female. I simply don't want to have been born male and continue to live as a male.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

It all comes down to being disgusted by the male body and wanting a body that I find attractive. I hate everything about being male from facial hair, to the ugly voice, to the genitailia and so forth. Not a single thing about being male is redeemable to me and masculinity is cringe to me. I prefer being a femine and petite female as opposed to a big masculine male.

Someone would have to gaslight me into not finding the male body and masculinity gross, and I will never allow someone to gaslight me into thinking that. I want to be pretty and feminine and FEMALE (emphasis on female, because I don't want to be a femboy) and having to been born female. I simply don't want to have been born male and continue to live as a male.

Hmmm... I suppose it is do or die then, and there's no way to settle for what you can't have...

I was gonna say there's no shame in being a feminine man (I kinda don't act masculine most of the time), but the femboy part kinda seals the deal that it isn't an option.

I never had gender dysphoria, so... I don't think I'm capable of fully empathizing with you, but you have my sympathies, friend...

Someone would have to gaslight me into not finding the male body and masculinity gross,

I do see what you mean about masculinity though... I assume you're talking about the negative aspects of it, like being overly competitive, and aggressive, and a bully. That can ruin it. And the body hair isn't something I'm too comfortable with either... especially in places where the sun doesn't shine...

And it's a lot of work to remove it.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Hmmm... I suppose it is do or die then, and there's no way to settle for what you can't have...

I was gonna say there's no shame in being a feminine man (I kinda don't act masculine most of the time), but the femboy part kinda seals the deal that it isn't an option.

I never had gender dysphoria, so... I don't think I'm capable of fully empathizing with you, but you have my sympathies, friend...

Femboys are just overgrown prepubescent boy lookalikes imo. Not my taste.

I want natural boobs, vagina and natural E in my system. I wanted to grow up as a female, and will not settle for anything less. CTB is my choice, so I will just waste bandwidth on this board until I have the balls to end my worthless life.

I do see what you mean about masculinity though... I assume you're talking about the negative aspects of it, like being overly competitive, and aggressive, and a bully. That can ruin it. And the body hair isn't something I'm too comfortable with either... especially in places where the sun doesn't shine...

And it's a lot of work to remove it.

I just mean every aspect about being a male. I'd rather be an independent, attractive cis woman. I outright hate being male, and don't know how else to put it.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Femboys are just overgrown prepubescent boy lookalikes imo. Not my taste.

Haha... No lie, I was kinda getting mixed up with femboys, ladyboys, and using that interchangeably. That is arguably the only way they can pull off looking feminine. Anyway, yeah... That's understandable.

I want natural boobs, vagina and natural E in my system. I wanted to grow up as a female, and will not settle for anything less. CTB is my choice, so I will just waste bandwidth on this board until I have the balls to end my worthless life.

It's just occurred to me, that... I dunno... If you were born as a female, what would you do by then? Like... what would your ambition be like as a woman?

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Haha... No lie, I was kinda getting mixed up with femboys, ladyboys, and using that interchangeably. That is arguably the only way they can pull off looking feminine. Anyway, yeah... That's understandable.

It's just occurred to me, that... I dunno... If you were born as a female, what would you do by then? Like... what would your ambition be like as a woman?

Anything that I could have done as a male, just as a female. I'd likely be able to do any of the hobbies I have done as a male as well as be a gamer girl. At least being a woman, my appearance would be more customizable and I'd be able to beautiful without having disgusting body parts on me (dick and balls for example). Or maybe I'd go to college and take up a career. After all, one of the reasons why I don't go to college is because I simply don't like myself nor hope to be around forever, which all comes back to being born the wrong sex. Basically, there is nothing I can do as a male (that I want to do), that I wouldn't be able to do if I was female.

The biggest upside to being female for me would be looking in the mirror and seeing an appearance I can be proud of.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Anything that I could have done as a male, just as a female. I'd likely be able to do any of the hobbies I have done as a male as well as be a gamer girl. At least being a woman, my appearance would be more customizable and I'd be able to beautiful without having disgusting body parts on me (dick and balls for example).

Arguably the one thing I don't like about getting naked are the dangly parts...

✂️ I'VE GOT DANGLY PARTS!

12 seconds · Clipped by nixonnate32 · Original video "Frieza Deals With Simple Men (Parody)" by WTS Dubs

youtube.com

Or maybe I'd go to college and take up a career. After all, one of the reasons why I don't go to college is because I simply don't like myself nor hope to be around forever, which all comes back to being born the wrong sex. Basically, there is nothing I can do as a male (that I want to do), that I wouldn't be able to do if I was female.

Well... I suppose when the time comes, you're a woman in the next life. And then you can live your dream.

The biggest upside to being female for me would be looking in the mirror and seeing an appearance I can be proud of.

Hum... I used to hate my body as a kid, where I was skinny and my belly was out like a starving child from Africa. Despite having a disgusting male body, do you work out and keep your body in shape (probably a very dumb and damgerous question)?

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Hum... I used to hate my body as a kid, where I was skinny and my belly was out like a starving child from Africa. Despite having a disgusting male body, do you work out and keep your body in shape (probably a very dumb and damgerous question)?

Years ago, I tried with the intention of trying to get into a relationship. I went down to 200 lbs roughly. A relationship never manifested and ever since my dysphoria festered into severe depression last year (were talking complete loss of interest in hobbies, lack of desire for a relationship), I stopped. I have no reason to care about my body. Skinny, fat. It's still the male anatomy and gross.

I am now roughly 400 lbs. I don't leave the house and I eat out of boredom/depression/self sabotage.

 

[jessisme]

I have found this site to be an invaluable resource, source of support and shared mutual understanding. I don't think you could ever find this all somewhere else. This site is a treasure. If you don't feel this way perhaps you haven't taken the time to experience all it has to offer? I have spent hours researching and reading testimony here and it has been very helpful to me as has the community of like minded for support.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Years ago, I tried with the intention of trying to get into a relationship. I went down to 200 lbs roughly. A relationship never manifested and ever since my dysphoria festered into severe depression last year (were talking complete loss of interest in hobbies, lack of desire for a relationship), I stopped.

That reminds me of how I've felt when I had interest in dating and would do things to be able to attract a girl while I was in college. Went on my 96-day nofap streak, worked put, meditated, did a lot of drawings to try and become an animator, and the next thing I knew, I got hit hard with the blackpill and... I guess that led to being obsessively suicidal. Of course, being suicidal seemed to have a very different effect on me overtime, considering it turned into a conquest.

BUT... I suppose that might be the thing... Despite having no girlfriend, or friends, or connections, and being beyond suicidal, I kinda kept going. My method required me to be in shape due to me wanting to ensure I'll need less of the dosage of yew leaves. I needed to fix my GERD to ensure I'll be able to use the method, as they require a certain antiemetic that loosens the LES. I had to develop a bit of mental fortitude and become disciplined so I don't make any impulsive attempts that could lead to failure, and I had to improve my stats so I can perfect my methods, as I couldn't obtain the N. And because I've done all that, I've basically stopped caring about dating and what other's think.

Maybe this doesn't apply to you, and it's all one big massive COPE, but... one must be careful not to stake your will and well being into others, as they are fickle. You may not be a woman, and you may never be able to transition into a passable woman, and you'll be stuck dealing with the dysphoria, and you may never find a relationship, but... if you can ignite that spark, you might be able to bear it.

I have no reason to care about my body. Skinny, fat. It's still the male anatomy and gross.

I am now roughly 400 lbs. I don't leave the house and I eat out of boredom/depression/self sabotage.

Brutal... *hugs and pats your back*

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Maybe this doesn't apply to you, and it's all one big massive COPE, but... one must be careful not to stake your will and well being into others, as they are fickle. You may not be a woman, and you may never be able to transition into a passable woman, and you'll be stuck dealing with the dysphoria, and you may never find a relationship, but... if you can ignite that spark, you might be able to bear it.

Sorry, but that is indeed a cope and a huge stretch. Being cis is not something I am solely doing from a social issue, but a self body image issue. if I don't pass, I will just see an AMAB staring back at me in the mirror. I will see the genital scarring on me and be reminded that I had a penis at one time. This does not sit well with me at all.

There is absolutely nothing redeemable about sticking around in a life where I cannot have the body I want. Even attractive cis women play the same hobby as I once played. Continuing to live and trying to power through will once again be a reminder of what they have that I do not. I have no interest in living my days as a male, or trans female. It is all or nothing, cis or nothing for me. I want a natural female body and the female upbringing.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Sorry, but that is indeed a cope and a huge stretch. Being cis is not something I am solely doing from a social issue, but a self body image issue.

I could've phrased it better, but yeah... That's what I was trying to say... And yeah... I did get carried away on the tangent...

if I don't pass, I will just see an AMAB staring back at me in the mirror. I will see the genital scarring on me and be reminded that I had a penis at one time. This does not sit well with me at all.

There is absolutely nothing redeemable about sticking around in a life where I cannot have the body I want. Even attractive cis women play the same hobby as I once played. Continuing to live and trying to power through will once again be a reminder of what they have that I do not. I have no interest in living my days as a male, or trans female. It is all or nothing, cis or nothing for me. I want a natural female body and the female upbringing.

Well... I suppose while you're alive and unable to ctb, work on a backup dream. Perhaps it's bullshit, but I'm pretty detached from reality and have this idea I could become a permanent resident in the dreamworld if I can go deep enough in my meditation session or enter a lucid dream and ground myself into that perfect reality in which I have the life worth living.

If all fails, then hopefully you have a peaceful method at your disposal. But in the meantime, while you're planning and dreaming, you could be distracted from the pain. And when I say plan, invest 100 percent of your energy into it. That's probably what I've been trying to convey.

When I was working at my shitty job and couldn't work on my yew tincture, I desperately wanted to brutally claw my skin out and do all sorts of shit that would maim me. But when I finally got the seeds and leaves and other materials, I was so immersed in my work, I didn't even have time to think about the daily burdens.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I could've phrased it better, but yeah... That's what I was trying to say... And yeah... I did get carried away on the tangent...

Well... I suppose while you're alive and unablento ctb, work on a backup dream. Perhaps it's bullshit, but I'm pretty detached from reality and have this idea I could become a permanent resident in the dreamworld if I can go deep enough in my meditation session or enter a lucid dream and ground myself into that perfect reality in which I have the life worth living.

If all fails, then hopefully you have a peaceful method at your disposal. But in the meantime, while you're planning and dreaming, you could be distracted from the pain. And when I say plan, invest 100 percent of your energy into it. That's probably what I've been trying to convey.

You're trying to keep me alive, even after I made it clear I am uninterested in being alive as anything BUT a cis-female. I am just going to rot and self sabotage until I either CTB, or die of a health condition that is the result of my poor dieting. My only dream is to be an attractive cis female and have been a girl from the start.

I want what I want, and will never settle for less.

EDIT: And if I can't even feel the motivation to do my hobbies, I definitely don't have the motivation to do anything else.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

You're trying to keep me alive, even after I made it clear I am uninterested in being alive as anything BUT a cis-female. I am just going to rot and self sabotage until I either CTB, or die of a health condition that is the result of my poor dieting. My only dream is to be an attractive cis female and have been a girl from the start.

I want what I want, and will never settle for less.

To a degree, though... not entirely. I know for sure I'm gonna ctb eventually, but... my quest for suicide is the thing that makes life tolerable in the meantime, because that is my obsession. And yes, that is exactly my attitude towards my life as well. I can never settle. I want to be in that better world, and I'll get there no matter what. I don't care if I have to live or die, Imma fulfill my dream.

That's what I'm saying. Make ctb your obsession, and not just the dying part, but also focus on that dream of being a woman.

There's a strong reason why I have and display an aura of undying hope.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

That's what I'm saying. Make ctb your obsession, and not just the dying part, focus on that dream of being a woman.

Do you mean use that as motivation to CTB sooner? I am unsure of what you mean otherwise.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Do you mean use that as motivation to CTB sooner? I am unsure of what you mean otherwise.

Nah, if that were the case, I wouldn't be here.

The reason I remain alive is because I'm perfecting my method to ensure I die peacefully, with a positive state of mind, thus I'll be able to dream forever of a better reality without nightmares. And my method will surely be lethal.

It's not something you'll want to rush, but... focus on having the perfect method at your disposal, and when the time comes, shoot for the stars. Considering your resolve, you probably won't experience the paradoxical renewal of the will to live, but you'll at least die peacefully, with a clear mind, and you'll have that better life on the other side (if there truly is one, and if not at least you'll find peace). That's the whole point of the "backup dream".

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Nah, if that were the case, I wouldn't be here.

The reason I remain alive is because I'm perfecting my method to ensure I die peacefully, with a positive state of mind, thus I'll be able to dream forever of a better reality without nightmares. And my method will surely be lethal.

It's not something you'll want to rush, but... focus on having the perfect method at your disposal, and when the time comes, shoot for the stars. Considering your resolve, you probably won't experience the paradoxical renewal of the will to live, but you'll at least die peacefully, with a clear mind, and you'll have that better life on the other side (if there truly is one, and if not at least you'll find peace). That's the whole point of the "backup dream".

I have my method already. I have sn in hand with a suicide note written out. Short of guilt and SI, nothing is stopping me. If sn fails, I have considered train decpitation as the next step.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I have my method already. I have sn in hand with a suicide note written out. Short of guilt and SI, nothing is stopping me. If sn fails, I have considered train decpitation as the next step.

Well then... best of luck to you then.

May you succeed and not be forced to go out through brutal means.

*offers wineglass*
Cheers?

I have my method already. I have sn in hand with a suicide note written out. Short of guilt and SI, nothing is stopping me. If sn fails, I have considered train decpitation as the next step.

Do remember to meditate though! You gotta clear your mind and focus endlessly on the intent. Any negative enotion or doubt and well... I doubt it'll go too well. But that's just me.

I feel what comes next is determined by the state of mind you're in!

 

[LeapOfFaith]

I get your frustration.. really I do. I myself hate feeling trapped in a life I do not want to live. It just so happened to get even worse for me following a couple of events the latest few weeks. I would love a "quick fix", push of a button. Somehow that would feel so much easier than to go thru the pain & struggles involved in some of the other methods. But I would not say that this site is a waste of time. It helps me process my own thoughts when I am reading other users comments and threads. The possibility to interact with people who are experiencing similar things is worth its own weight in gold. I would feel really alone without this place.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Do remember to meditate though! You gotta clear your mind and focus endlessly on the intent. Any negative enotion or doubt and well... I doubt it'll go too well. But that's just me.

I feel what comes next is determined by the state of mind you're in!

I'm not really a spiritual person, so I will have to pass on the meditation.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I'm not really a spiritual person, so I will have to pass on the meditation.

Hehehehe... Fair enough!

 

[TimetoGo!]

So i joined thinking id find ways to end my life quicker and make things easier.
Ive only been going around in circles and its not helped a bit.
Its just endless talking about wanting to ctb and endless venting.
I just wanted to find a method or get some relief somehow.
Maybe for a more capable non useless person they would find a method here.
Im unable to follow simple instructions besides very basic things.
Im useless with my hands .
Anyway not blaming anyone its my own fault and expectations.
for me its not been productive at all being here its just endless and pointless venting.
sorry if i offend anyone im an idiot anyway.

i need to find real help to either end things or save myself.
im not down for this going in circles and endless beating around the bush.
every method or situation seems to have complications or factors to take into account for me.
a normal person would be able to do things easier.
i wish there was a button to push and id be long gone.
being here neither helps me or worsens me so idk.
fuck everything.

i hear what you are saying........you are not an idiot though. The different opinion on here you would never take as gospel anyway, its all about your own research. Did you think it was easy? its literally the hardest decision you'll make bar none.

People vent because it helps, so dont deny them that

 

[Wannagonow]

I'm glad this site/forum exists and haven't yet found it to be a waste of time. I really don't use it for researching methods. I'm good to go in that respect. I know I'm gonna use a corny word...but...I find it comforting to interact with people who often think/feel like I do. I don't always share the same opinion or experiences as some people, but those are often the times when I find myself learning the most.