Anyone else feel as if they’re destined for suicide?

[bl33ding_heart]

I have this strange feeling, that no matter what I'm just gonna end up killing myself. No matter how much my life or mental state improves, it will somehow eventually lead to suicide. Because of my bpd I will never truly get better. There is hope that I could learn how to deal with my symptoms well enough and possibly take medication so I would be stable enough to not literally kill myself. But no matter what the baseline of my mind which is my bpd will always be there. I'm certain that at some point, whether it be anytime soon or in a matter of years. My bpd will end up driving me to my grave. I'm only 18 and it has almost killed me a countless amount of times already. So it really feels like it's only a matter of time before it inevitably happens.

 

[stevie23]

Definitely agree, with my fucked up family and all the trauma I faced throughout my adolescence years (especially school) and I'm only 18. Shit sucks. I might off myself today in the next hour or so after I get out school.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Definitely agree, with my fucked up family and all the trauma I faced throughout my adolescence years (especially school) and I'm only 18. Shit sucks. I might off myself today in the next hour or so after I get out school.

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that . I really hope you can heal if possible.

 

[sadbh]

I feel this. Thanks for sharing.

 

[maki]

it's morbid but whenever the question "realistically, how do you think you'll die?" comes up, i always think to myself that it'll be suicide. i dont know if it's my destiny or not but i cant really imagine myself going out any other way

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Oh, 100%, I've been fantasising about different forms of suicide since the age of 11. It's become so stuck in the back of my head that it is quite literally the only way I envision my death happening. Knowing that I can CTB whenever I want is the only way I haven't gone insane.

 

[dirkw83]

Not necessarily but I always thought I wouldn't be very old, and now it looks like my life is ending at 42 which sounds about right lol..

 

[FuneralCry]

Wish I could be, I'd be long gone if I had the option to painlessly cease existing and never suffer again but of course I'm trapped in this horrific, dreadful world where there is all this endless cruelty and torture with no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

It's just terrible extreme cruelty how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing and never suffer again as non-existence is all I'm meant for, all I'm meant for is to be permanently free from the pain and torture of existing and to me it'll always be torture to be conscious in this existence. I'll just always see existence as the most terrible, dreadful mistake, non-existence is just all I see as positive, I always suffer so unbearably from how I cannot just have true permanent peace from the terrible torture of existing.