I've struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember - stealing, eating disorders, overdoses and alcohol. Recently, last year I was diagnosed with BPD (a diagnosis that I felt made sense with all the behaviors I've tried to deal with).
Yesterday was the worst day of my life. I'm abroad in the US and drunk excessively and took Xanax. I ended up 5150'd, my dad flew over and I asked a friend for help and ended up showing a side of myself that I hate. My dad and friend ended up discussing my MH history, which I believe has made my friendship with one of my closest friends forever changed and ruined. It feels like a blurring of boundaries and a betrayal of trust.
I'm leaving the US early now but the shame and unhelpfulness of others telling me what to do, the pain I know I cause loved ones who worry and my inability to get better leave me wanting to CTB more than ever before.
I can order SN and maybe this time I'll have the courage to take it - to put myself and those scared for me out of their misery.
Yesterday was the worst day of my life. I'm abroad in the US and drunk excessively and took Xanax. I ended up 5150'd, my dad flew over and I asked a friend for help and ended up showing a side of myself that I hate. My dad and friend ended up discussing my MH history, which I believe has made my friendship with one of my closest friends forever changed and ruined. It feels like a blurring of boundaries and a betrayal of trust.
I'm leaving the US early now but the shame and unhelpfulness of others telling me what to do, the pain I know I cause loved ones who worry and my inability to get better leave me wanting to CTB more than ever before.
I can order SN and maybe this time I'll have the courage to take it - to put myself and those scared for me out of their misery.
