Fuck up = kys

[suicide_grrl]

Do you feel that every time you mess up or do something wrong your first thought is to kill yourself no matter how small?

I told my friend crying I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungry while she had eaten in the day (we both have an ED) and she started posting about how she has to starve all of tomorrow and about getting 15k+ steps (for those who don't know ED's are highly competitive). All I wanted to do was kill myself. It's all I want to do right now. Even though deep down I know it's not my fault I just want to kill myself. Every mess up I want to end it more and more.

I just wanted to know if I'm alone in this or if others also get like this over mess ups :,)

 

[solon]

Yeah I feel it when I mess up social interactions, just today I made a lot of social mistakes with a lot of people which made me go back here

 

[meowpuppy]

yes, i think this is common for people who are chronically suicidal. or, hell, even regularly suicidal. suicide is just a really paralyzing thought for most people, but not necessarily in a bad way

 

[Canto XIII]

I feel you. It's like my basiline is being barely above unchecked desperation and self-hatred. When I experience the mildest inconvenience or I do something wrong, I immediately lose that condition of uncertain balance and plunge into bleakness and suicidal thoughts. Of course I don't act upon them.

 

[100memoryleaks]

every time

 

[limenlux]

I was a severe perfectionist before I became too sick to function, so a minor error at work or during a hobby would set me off for hours at a time.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah, I do flip out when I make mistakes, no matter the context, and when stressed I swear, almost regardless of the environment, which isn't good nor does it help, but sadly that's something that is a part of me... Even if swearing was not appropriate (in some settings). It also doesn't help whenever I think about CTB because I'm so clumsy or incompetent at what I do at times...

 

[isthisit?]

Can relate. From a young age, even from when I wasnt really depressed up until now, every time something goes wrong, my first instinct is "time to ctb now". Recently, Ive even started mumbling things out loud about wanting to die. Only a matter of time until someone notices since I dont realise it in time.

 

[smirks00ts]

always. even when I was younger. always thought its my moral option and everyone would be way happier even.the wolrd without me.

 

[00ps]

yes. every single time. somewhat embarrassingly, even over relatively minor things. it's like my baseline is passive suicidiality and anything negative pushes me to active and every single thing becomes another excuse to do it

 

[Fishyfloon]

Yes, for me it's a way to assure myself that I have control over the smallest things that I don't like, as if I can end it anyway if I wanted to

 

[pieceoffox]

Yes. I've been living with this for a very long time, and I'm sometimes surprised to realize that people usually hardly think about death at all. For me, it's become something routine

 

[EmptyBottle]

Do you feel that every time you mess up or do something wrong your first thought is to kill yourself no matter how small?

I told my friend crying I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungry while she had eaten in the day (we both have an ED) and she started posting about how she has to starve all of tomorrow and about getting 15k+ steps (for those who don't know ED's are highly competitive). All I wanted to do was kill myself. It's all I want to do right now. Even though deep down I know it's not my fault I just want to kill myself. Every mess up I want to end it more and more.

I just wanted to know if I'm alone in this or if others also get like this over mess ups :,)

ooo wow similar... in many annoying situations, "this wouldn't happen if I CTB'd" came to my mind.

 

[lastappleonearth]

Do you feel that every time you mess up or do something wrong your first thought is to kill yourself no matter how small?

I told my friend crying I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungry while she had eaten in the day (we both have an ED) and she started posting about how she has to starve all of tomorrow and about getting 15k+ steps (for those who don't know ED's are highly competitive). All I wanted to do was kill myself. It's all I want to do right now. Even though deep down I know it's not my fault I just want to kill myself. Every mess up I want to end it more and more.

I just wanted to know if I'm alone in this or if others also get like this over mess ups :,)

Yes it's always my first thought, I think it's some sort of coping mechanism idk. In some way thinking abt suicide sometimes even feels pleasant or calming. Just the thought of all my troubles being gone and me not having to feel anything anymore calms me a bit

I feel you. It's like my basiline is being barely above unchecked desperation and self-hatred. When I experience the mildest inconvenience or I do something wrong, I immediately lose that condition of uncertain balance and plunge into bleakness and suicidal thoughts. Of course I don't act upon them.

I feel that

 

[hughmun9]

Yeah, it was really bad a few weeks ago. I'm not doing it as much now

 

[fluorescentpearl]

Yes, yesterday I couldn't open a can and I just decided I'd kms over it, it's getting a bit lighter recently but it's still there, even the stupidest small stuff makes me crack, like dropping a pen