Volatile
God
- Jun 18, 2018
- 1,286
That inability to take charge of my life is ruining me.
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skitliv
Le mort joyeux
- Jul 11, 2018
- 485
agreement
Mage
- Mar 26, 2018
- 544
Probably, Ithink it's one of the favourites interpretation of "me" by my therapist.
Threads
Warlock
- Jul 13, 2018
- 721
I took charge for awhile.
But I ultimately stopped caring. When I truly gave in and broke, I invited apathy into my heart. I haven't decided if I want to kick her out, yet. She's truly good company.
But I ultimately stopped caring. When I truly gave in and broke, I invited apathy into my heart. I haven't decided if I want to kick her out, yet. She's truly good company.
I think so, I'm an ACOA, my parents are the kind of people who really shouldn't have kids. They gave up me and I gave up on life and became a hikki, sitting in front of a computer all day every day because I don't know what else I could do, I don't want anything anymore and I'm terrified of "real life".
This is shit.
This is shit.
yep. I didn't grew up in an enivironment where I could feel I'm in safe and secure place to learn and make mistakes. By avoiding making mistakes in fear of failure, you don't take responsibility for anything and remain to be a helpless child as an adult. Feels shit.
Volatile
God
- Jun 18, 2018
- 1,286
Deivis
Seul contre tous
- Jul 23, 2018
- 235
For most people, by the time they start asking this question, everything is already fucked up beyond repair.
If there's "learned helplessness", there must be a way to unlearn it first. And erase years and years of your memory.
I think its nearly impossible to do it on a logical, rational level. Probably possible on the emotional level.
I tend to see our memories as an old Xerox photocopy machine.
You need to make 30 or 40 copies (1 page = 1 year).
You put first sheet of paper, press "Copy".
Then you take this second page and make a copy of it (third page).
So you're taking a copy of a copy with every new iteration.
Imagine there's a fly or mosquito got squashed on Page 5.
By the time you reach Page 20, a stain from a squashed fly will become the size of an apricot.
That's how it works.
If there's a method to scratch off the stain from all pages, I'd like to know more about it.... :/
Volatile
God
- Jun 18, 2018
- 1,286
It may actually be something different
I was raised thinking me anans my problems were more of a burden than my worth as a person, netting a negative value. To make up for this I either had to rely on the pity from friends or family or be hugely successful and independent on my own - the latter failing. My other avenue is to remain a desperate emotional mess whose first instinct is reclusion, but needs to constant input of others to feel any self-worth. I have been in therapy for many years and I've had a lot of bad experiences with medicine and therapists. I feel silly that my situation seems like it could be fixed, but after 20 years of seeking help and facing rejection from all over, I dont have the energy any more.
I was raised thinking me anans my problems were more of a burden than my worth as a person, netting a negative value. To make up for this I either had to rely on the pity from friends or family or be hugely successful and independent on my own - the latter failing. My other avenue is to remain a desperate emotional mess whose first instinct is reclusion, but needs to constant input of others to feel any self-worth. I have been in therapy for many years and I've had a lot of bad experiences with medicine and therapists. I feel silly that my situation seems like it could be fixed, but after 20 years of seeking help and facing rejection from all over, I dont have the energy any more.
