Anyone else afraid that they’ll never have the courage to go through with it?

[countdown3210]

Yes. I'm afraid if I don't do it I'll lose everything anyway so idk why I don't have the guts to just do it

 

[idonthaveanother]

I think I'll be sufficiently intoxicated enough to go through with my plan. I think, other than a peaceful N ctb, that's kinda the only way I'll manage to do it. Lotta "voices" in my head saying I shouldn't do it, despite knowing that I fully want to. That's just SI.

 

[girlsboysthems]

same, it feels like im stuck in one of Dantes circles of hell and i cant get out. the fear of failure is even worse this time and im afraid of handicapping myself so much that i wouldnt be able to commit again.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Not being able to do it is quintessentially what makes it pure torture. Anticipating decades and decades of pue existenital toruture. I'm surprised that kind of stress alone is not enough to wear us down and kill us.

 

[BlazingBob]

I'm in physical and mental torment every second of every day. I'm subjected to daily abuse and humiliation. Homelessness is inevitable. Still, the thought of ctb makes me feel like throwing up. I'm scared shit less. It's just surreal that my life has sank to such depths, that my body is failing me the way it is. Both living and dying terrify me. Why couldn't I have been 'normal'

 

[sserafim]

Yeah…I'm more scared about the possibility of failure though. I don't want to have permanent brain damage or be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life because I failed.

 

[SSamGarrison]

Definitely. I don't know what I'll do if I have to live the rest of my life this way. I know it's the right option but struggle to bring myself to it. If I don't do it, then something must change for the better.

 

[sashaphire]

For me, I'm terrified that if I fail I'll never have the opportunity to attempt again. So I'll be forced to live, losing everyone's trust and having to listen to these people who have never cared about me put on some show to try and make me feel bad (as if they aren't the reason I'm like this in the first place) while everything I've worked for will, most likely be gone, therefore making my life even worse than it was before. I can't ctb until I'm almost 100% sure that it will work.

 

[Quiet_Observer]

I'm scared of what comes after, if anything at all. I'm sure that if I am in the correct mindset and loose all hope I will go through with it; right now I am not yet at that state though.

 

[jussrav]

Survival instinct is the worst. I am not afraid of death but I am nervous of the final push towards it. I am sure when the time comes, I will have no other choice. Either death or more decades of suffering. I choose the former.

Same ots just suffering