Any educated (-ish?) people here?

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I did my high school diploma (German Abitur) without ever studying really. I have bachelors degree in industrial engineering and mechanical engineering. From an intellectual perspective that was also easy for me, had to study a bit here and there tho. Problem was more to actually do that due to ADHD and severe executive dysfunction. Somehow I still managed to even do the tasks that required working by myself. Would have been eligible to a masters and probably done that as well if major depression didn't fuck me over so freaking hard.

I am also what you call gifted, tested around 140 IQ during my childhood and late teens in 2 professionally supervised IQ tests... (once 143, other 137).

Feels like it's worth nothing tho. Emotionally I'm a wreck and had problems all my life that kept piling up and up until it just was too much to function at some point in my mid 20s. From there on out it was up and downs but overall a constant decline in my mental health. These days I can't really do much at all.
So much wasted potential, makes me sad to think about it.

I had one gf, one chance to have a happy life but its all over. Pointless to go on without her.

So relatable... It's been 10y since that and I had other chances at love but it never came close to working out.

100% relatable as well, as this describes my background perfectly well:

I don't even think the reasons are that different between people who failed at life because the system failed them, and people who managed to follow the system up to a master's degree, but then break under the pressure. In both cases the system brought them down, one just held on a little longer than the other, because they maybe had a slightly more privileged background, or less traumatic youth.

I've always struggled fitting into the system. But I was intelligent enough to find ways to cope, and I had the privilege of wealthy parents, so I had the financial stability to help me get as far as I did. I've always been teetering on the edge of collapse, but because of the financial basis I could keep my balence, if just barely. But ultimately, the way society functions, doesn't work for me. And in my working life, that has been catching up with me... I've tried many ways to adapt my lifestyle in a way that works for me, and also allows me to make a living in our societal system... But I've never found a workable answer. And I'm now arriving at a point of just giving up, seeing no more possible ways to make it work...

have an opportunity let's say, to earn a fuck ton of money, travel wherever I want, dine at the finest restaurants, indulge in whatever pleasures I want, etc. All that is required is some motivation and a will to live in this world.
The thing is, grief killed me.

And that, too

Could make a 6 digits per year with trading if I had any motivation at this point to work maybe 2 or 3 hours a day, but I simply don't. I already set this up last year, tested strategies and started making a little bit of money with it due to wanting to try with a small account first, all I had to do was put more capital into it which I would have available.

 

[Ashu]

Not to make light of others but I feel a large amount of posts here are long streams of chronic depression and societal failure to launch from an early age.

You do know where you are, right?

 

[Lastact]

Not to make light of others but I feel a large amount of posts here are long streams of chronic depression and societal failure to launch from an early age.

Is anyone here considering suicide despite having a reasonable education and background, for reasons they deem near impossible to solve?

Hello, yes I am. I have everything, I have a great eduaction, I'm studying (I'm in my master right now), never had problems with money, living in a shared flat, I have a few friends (not many) and I still consider suicide due to my depression

 

[Insufficent]

Bachelors degree with an impostor syndrome for 10 years. I feel like Saul Goodman in his big brother's eyes.

To reel back 14 years im living my realistic dream i had back then and i still want to die.
Most of the days I fucking hate this corpotate career because people are utterly lost in touch of reality to the point wherebthey remove the schedule and get angry when things aren't finished in said instant.

My work is basicly doing same shit over and over and over again and focusing on whats wrong and explaining my decicion like im being falsely accused of a murder or worse.

A simple fictional example.
First i need to desing a truck. Then client says they are out of budged and wants a van to be designed. But since i have already used the resourses aka time (and money that dosent go in my pocket) they ask me to just "scale it down and move some lines, it can't be that hard". Well first of all. If you scale down a blueprint of a truck with 0.5 it is still a fucking truck, only a half size of it.

The other is kind of task is to fit a gallon of liquid in a half of gallon container. Or detaching tires from a car without removing the bolts. Oh and we need it now, we already sent the request two weeks ago to you manager who left the company two months ago. Toodeldoo

Im on a brink of insanity, my words are coming out unfiltered, I mumble angrily by myself and my train of tought is mostly violent outbursts. An animal would have been put down already.

 

[ScarletTanager]

Yes, but it didn't matter not one bit and it did not make me happy.
It did not save my family and will not save my life either.
I was lacking in necessary traits and attitudes, methods of getting along with people, and my circumstances and situations were changing too often and unstable. Bizarreness like having to move around often, and just having a generally unusual life. Education probably kind of ruined it /!; made my life worser in some ways….

 

[HumbleSquid]

I am educated and smart. I come from a good family background and everything. From the outside everything looks fine, but if you see my life from the inside I am doing horribly academically this year I think I screwed my life up, socially im not doing well and don't have many people I can can call my close friends, and im pretty sure I have few undiagnosed mental disorders.

 

[TheEndof]

I have a degree and I have always been academically successful. My parents were terrible in many ways, but I was very privileged and was given a lot of good experiences growing up (travel, education, access). I know I could have done a lot with my life, but instead chose to take another route and have a family and focus on that instead. I have no regrets when it comes to that, though I do regret my mental state and the impact it will have on my family whether I'm alive or not.

 

[desiderium]

I've got a BS degree and currently work in a medical lab. My relationship with my parents isn't good by any means, but I still grew up white-collar despite it. I've had the desire to end my own life for over a decade. This exhaustion and numbness I feel every day are still suffocating despite the fact that I can manage a full-time job and live on my own.

I'd say I'm educated. Hell, I'd even say that to some, I'd even be considered a tiny bit successful. That hasn't made a difference in the mental health struggles I've been experiencing. Genetics play a role in it, as does circumstance and traumatic experiences. If anything, I find it interesting that so many different people from different walks of life can all feel the same kind of despair.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

Not to make light of others but I feel a large amount of posts here are long streams of chronic depression and societal failure to launch from an early age.

There have been times that Ive gotten frustrated with the endless "will Tylenol kill you posts". I asked a similar question, and honestly it turns out you just need to have more empathy. No one is making you read long posts. I'm really glad this outlet exists for people, and if you don't like those posts, just avoid them.

I've posted journal articles and whatnot before and they don't tend to get as much of a response. I think if you spend more time on the forum, you'll get a sense for who you like to talk to and how to generate discussion. Hopefully this post has given you some people to connect with. I'd personally recommend @Somewhat Suicidal for you to chat with.

 

[falling_sideways872]

34 years old. BA degree. Have a career going on 10 years. Married with two little kids. You're not alone.

 

[sick&tired]

39. Educated(ish). Suffering from a chronic illness I developed a few years ago & had to quit working. I have a wonderful family and friends, but my S.O. just walked out of my life for good</3 I was struggling to stay before his departure and now I don't see how I'll continue..
I was happy once-considered my life a good one. I truly don't want to be here anymore and if it weren't for knowing how wrecked it would make my family, I'd be gone. Hugs to everyone barely hanging in..you're not alone.

 

[StarsAbove]

Not to make light of others but I feel a large amount of posts here are long streams of chronic depression and societal failure to launch from an early age.

Is anyone here considering suicide despite having a reasonable education and background, for reasons they deem near impossible to solve?

I think age has more to do with it than education and career. I have a master's and it doesn't make me feel better. It did allow me to work less stressful jobs in what will be the last couple years of my life, but it doesn't take away the crippling self doubt, self loathing, and imposter syndrome or my inability to connect meaningfully to others. There is truly something wrong with my brain and meds, therapy, and even spirituality cant change that. My spiritual connection used ro help me feel like there was meaning and purpose in my struggle, but I no longer feel it. Its gone and I feel alone.

 

[Herker]

Not to make light of others but I feel a large amount of posts here are long streams of chronic depression and societal failure to launch from an early age.

Is anyone here considering suicide despite having a reasonable education and background, for reasons they deem near impossible to solve?

Hey, new here and nice to meet you. To answer your question yes, i'm a senior at a T20 university in the U.S. I also find it strange that despite my education and good job opportunities I am still the same nihilistic, depressed, lonely teenager that I was 8 years ago. I have this overwhelmingly depressing void that always sucks the life out of everything I do. It makes me feel alienated from everyone else to the point where I can even act normal anymore.