Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
And hide from me who is stalking you.
Flippy
Felis Sapien
- Jan 5, 2020
- 931
Are those things helping much right now? I'm Struggling to even know where to start to try and enjoy myself I just kinda sit there staring at a project that I started with real commitment before but can't figure out how to engage with it again which just makes me feel like crap again :-( I'm going to keep trying to push myself though untill either I figure out it's pointless or it does start to work. :-/
What sorts of movies and music do you enjoy that help you get a bit of a rest from things?
All kind of music. But I've been listening to jazz lately. I love Miles Davis music. And movies, every genre ezcept comedy. I prefer memes.
Right now I'm regreting so much that i didnt end my life yesterday. I had a great chance. Now I have another shitty week ahead.. and I constantly ask myself why I'm still alive. I have nothing left to do in this world except ctb
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Flippy
Felis Sapien
- Jan 5, 2020
- 931
I like lots of different genres of music, mostly rock I guess. Have you ever tried listening to Tom Waits? He can be a bit of an acquired taste but he has a great sense of humour. I've heard some Miles Davis, very talented musician but I've never been in a state of mind where I can really enjoy his music. I know you are disappointed about what happened or didn't happen :-/ Would it help if you view this as an unexpected opportunity to really enjoy some music and some movies and maybe some more pizza? If you fancy listening to some Tom Waits I can highly recommend Tom Traubert's Blues. Or there's always Warren Zevon from his self titled album, Desperados Under the Eaves is my personal favourite. I know that it's easier said than done but you have an unexpected extra week, maybe deep down you feel that there's more for you to do right now?
Lotus
Experienced
- Dec 17, 2019
- 234
That's what I'm doing tonight. I can relate to your feelings about losing an opportunity to ctb. However, even though it's difficult to reconsile with, it's probably not your time yet, and it's surely not something that you have to rush into doing when the opportunity is handed to you. I'm glad that you're still here though, since you're always making yourself visible by showing your support to others in this community.
I hope to see more of you before one of us says the final goodbye. Lots of love.
Flippy
Felis Sapien
- Jan 5, 2020
- 931
For what it's worth (from me at least it might not be worth much :-/) but I'm glad that you are still around too. Maybe when you are in the mood we can exchange our thoughts on our favourite musicians and films etc if you have the time :-) And want to obviously :-) the offer is there! :-)That's what I'm doing tonight. I can relate to your feelings about losing an opportunity to ctb. However, even though it's difficult to reconsile with, it's probably not your time yet, and it's surely not something that you have to rush into doing when the opportunity is handed to you. I'm glad that you're still here though, since you're always making yourself visible by showing your support to others in this community.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,686
I had similar feelings about wasted opportunities too. During parts of 2019 (last year), I always thought, wow, I had the home to myself and can just quietly grab my firearm and drive off to a remote place and then just CTB, ending my suffering. In fact, I had two such times, one in May 2019, and another just a month ago. However, during those two times, things recovered just enough for me not to go through with it, but in 2020, things are really suck shit with how life is going. There are other times too, but before end of 2018 (when I first acquired my method, the firearm), I did not have a reliable method so there would have been a greater risk of failure when it comes to CTB'ing, thus that also stopped me, knowing that I didn't and couldn't have taken that risk (and potentially failing, putting myself in a worse situation than before).
I distract all the time, movies, walks, anything but just sitting thinking how unhappy I am. It helps, this place helps too.
Flippy
Felis Sapien
- Jan 5, 2020
- 931
What is making you angry at the moment? Is it just the missed opportunity or is there more to it?
chris8000
Experienced
- Dec 10, 2019
- 231
Tom waits is good and... interesting, OK I put a Tom Waits album on now because of this. Some of my favourite artists are Nick Cave, Cash, and Leonard Cohen, you a fan?
I like kind of blue a lot, and there is a few other albums I like of his.
I came to the conclusion at somepoint, I'm not sure when, that most genres of music are good.
I would not beat yourself up about this, none of this is your fault. Life is cruel. Maybe you could get a hotel.
Flippy
Felis Sapien
- Jan 5, 2020
- 931
I like Leonard Cohen too :-) danger is with Leonard Cohen is that I find sometimes I'm less hopeful mood wise after I listen to him. Although I really enjoy listening to him. I quite like nick cave too. I need to avoid listening to Johnny Cash version of hurt, I'm not in the best of places right now and I don't want to tip myself over the edge at the moment :-) Tom Waits is about right I think it's songs about tragic scenarios mostly, so I think he's a man who has a good idea what it's like to be a human being. Which album did you put on?
chris8000
Experienced
- Dec 10, 2019
- 231
Haha less hopeful is an understatement, he can be bleak as f***. Yeah avoiding things that make you worse is a good idea, be good to yourself flippy .
I put on closing time, that's the only album I remember getting into when I tried his stuff before. This is a nice relaxing album. I'll have a go at his other stuff, a good friend of mine rates Tom Waits highly as well.
.I put on closing time, that's the only album I remember getting into when I tried his stuff before. This is a nice relaxing album. I'll have a go at his other stuff, a good friend of mine rates Tom Waits highly as well.
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Well i had really really bad day at work.e reasons to ctb. Everytime I'm closer. I touched bottom
Flippy
Felis Sapien
- Jan 5, 2020
- 931
Closing Time is a fantastic album, definitely relaxing too. One of the ones that came out before he started with the rough baritone! :-)Haha less hopeful is an understatement, he can be bleak as f***. Yeah avoiding things that make you worse is a good idea, be good to yourself flippy
I put on closing time, that's the only album I remember getting into when I tried his stuff before. This is a nice relaxing album. I'll have a go at his other stuff, a good friend of mine rates Tom Waits highly as well.
Hey what happened at work? Want to talk about it? :-)
almost 2 months after this huge opportunity to ctb. Only changes: I re joined my old band. But still I want to ctb. I wasted opportunity. I regret. Could be dead by now. :(
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