Venting Another Rant from a dead woman walking

[Lilythefenfen]

I have no feelings any more but sadness and grief as I walk along this road we call life. It's 11:53 PM and I'm sitting in my room alone typing on this keyboard. I want to cry so badly but my throat is parched and my body aches, there is no room for emotion on my face. It hurts. Like horribly bad.
I sometimes wonder why things got so bad, why things are the way they are. My ex did horrible things to me yeah, but why did that have to happen? I'm constantly reminded that "God" has this grand plan, then why would a loving god allow me to be chained down and beaten and raped for over a year? Every single day?
Some positives for the day? My new Ice Nine Kills vinyls arrive tomorrow, almost today? I'm ecstatic for that.


I have a bottle next to me, Sodium nitrite. Honestly it brings me intense anxiety but peace of mind with it right here, I am so close to oblivion. I am so close to freedom.

So why the fuck am I still breathing?

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

What kind of sadness? What kind of grief?
I find my mind so warped and backwards that things are not where they ought to be.
Sad at kindness but hurt brings me relief. There is something in the hurt and the sad that brings me peace.
Maybe you're too used to the suffering. This suffering in particular. Like falling. The longer you fall, the faster you go. And eventually you're at terminal velocity. You're still falling, but you're not falling any faster. It's not getting any worse. You're just waiting. Waiting for the sudden stop.
Maybe waiting for Ice Nine Kills to arrive is worth breathing for today.

Thank you for reminding me that my throat is also parched and I've been sitting here too long.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds so horrible what you've been through, it disgusts me how humans create so much harm in this world, I could never believe there is a God, I just believe existence to be meaningless suffering and senseless cruelty with no deeper purpose behind it. But anyway best wishes.