So I had to answer some questions sheets for getting an autism diagnosis. I became paranoid and anxious during that. I had to control it over and over again. And all of this fueled my extreme self-observation and excessive introspection. In order to calm my paranoia I talked wirth chatGPT about the documents. Which is ironic because this is exactly data privacy suicide. And might be the danger I want to circumvent. Though sadly it helped me to calm my anxiety. Which paradox, ironic and sort of funny. Maybe I am not all that rational as I imagine myself to be.
I wanted to know which diagnosis the chatbot considers the most likely. And it said strong evidence for autism, anancastic personality traits (not the necessarily the disorder) and some indicators for social aniety. So this gonna be a really fun talk about differential diagnostics. Someone who had psychosis, from time to time with paranoid, bipolar and mood swings, most likely autism (I think special interests are one key indicator), extreme perfectionism and thinking of efficency even when it comes to hobbies. And well I am always so anxious what other people think of me that I embarrass myself, that I pee myself (never happened still anxious, could be OCD now when I think of it, people on here suggested that). Can we sum it up with mental wreck?
I think the goal of our meeting when I meet these people will come to close to the objective truth. I know the head therapist there. She once was my therapist and I had the feeling she wasn't all that smart. There were some stunning mistakes she has done and never realized. But she probably was right with autism.
I have to be careful not trying to lecture these people when meeting them. Whereas actually this might be a sign of autism. Reading chatGPT conclusions about my tests made me go down the self-introspection rabbit hole way way too much. It told me so interesting things and very interesting insights I wasn't aware about. For example about the difference between autism and anancastic personality disorder. And now before you think oh this person talks so much bullshit. I had been given all the mentioned diagnoses by different psychiatrists. Though they disagreed which each other sometimes.
The differences about autism and anancastic personality disorder made me think a lot how my own thinking works. I have a tedency to make predictions to decrease uncertainty and for being able to understand/interact with the world. I process languange in a different way. My German is way better than my low effort English on here. My relation to the interpretation of language is different. My relation to social interactions is untypical for autism though. But most of the people Interact with are neurodivergent too. But I always was good in making friends. Which is rare for autists. My empathy works differently. I am not extremely obsessed about details. My obsession with details shows itself when it comes to tests and evaluations, exams for example. My thinking is rigid. I have some issues with social communication. My imagination has deficiencies. I have to analyze social interactions to understand them. I don't get them intuitively. I have a strong intrinsic motivation for studying my special interests.
ChatGPT emphasized that my answers about daily communication, proverbs, metaphors, small talk were really smart. It was the only answer where more than ticking boxes was necessary. I did cognitive tests in the past. And I think one taks was imagining what is going on in someone elese by reading a short exchange of written conversations, I was really unhappy to decide the most likely answer without explaining it. And only some choices were possible. Honestly, when I did these tests (I participated in some studies many years ago) I often thought you cannot say something like with a high certainty. I often thought there is too much uncertainty for making bold claims likee that. I considered these options to be pretty stupid because I think how humans work is very contradicting/different and just reading one sentence of a conversation and deducing shit. This isn't how it works. The irony is. When I am emotionally involved in a social interactions I lose the ability to tolerate this ambguity fully. But I think my explanation of this makes me a somewhat self-aware patient suffering from psychoses/presumably autism.
Maybe the introspection had some purpose today though. I tried to contemplate which descriptions of my mind make it easier for a therapist to make the right deductions about my thinking and conditions.
I had so many more topics to talk about but I am not feeling well. My sleep is very poor I need a break.
I wanted to know which diagnosis the chatbot considers the most likely. And it said strong evidence for autism, anancastic personality traits (not the necessarily the disorder) and some indicators for social aniety. So this gonna be a really fun talk about differential diagnostics. Someone who had psychosis, from time to time with paranoid, bipolar and mood swings, most likely autism (I think special interests are one key indicator), extreme perfectionism and thinking of efficency even when it comes to hobbies. And well I am always so anxious what other people think of me that I embarrass myself, that I pee myself (never happened still anxious, could be OCD now when I think of it, people on here suggested that). Can we sum it up with mental wreck?
I think the goal of our meeting when I meet these people will come to close to the objective truth. I know the head therapist there. She once was my therapist and I had the feeling she wasn't all that smart. There were some stunning mistakes she has done and never realized. But she probably was right with autism.
I have to be careful not trying to lecture these people when meeting them. Whereas actually this might be a sign of autism. Reading chatGPT conclusions about my tests made me go down the self-introspection rabbit hole way way too much. It told me so interesting things and very interesting insights I wasn't aware about. For example about the difference between autism and anancastic personality disorder. And now before you think oh this person talks so much bullshit. I had been given all the mentioned diagnoses by different psychiatrists. Though they disagreed which each other sometimes.
The differences about autism and anancastic personality disorder made me think a lot how my own thinking works. I have a tedency to make predictions to decrease uncertainty and for being able to understand/interact with the world. I process languange in a different way. My German is way better than my low effort English on here. My relation to the interpretation of language is different. My relation to social interactions is untypical for autism though. But most of the people Interact with are neurodivergent too. But I always was good in making friends. Which is rare for autists. My empathy works differently. I am not extremely obsessed about details. My obsession with details shows itself when it comes to tests and evaluations, exams for example. My thinking is rigid. I have some issues with social communication. My imagination has deficiencies. I have to analyze social interactions to understand them. I don't get them intuitively. I have a strong intrinsic motivation for studying my special interests.
ChatGPT emphasized that my answers about daily communication, proverbs, metaphors, small talk were really smart. It was the only answer where more than ticking boxes was necessary. I did cognitive tests in the past. And I think one taks was imagining what is going on in someone elese by reading a short exchange of written conversations, I was really unhappy to decide the most likely answer without explaining it. And only some choices were possible. Honestly, when I did these tests (I participated in some studies many years ago) I often thought you cannot say something like with a high certainty. I often thought there is too much uncertainty for making bold claims likee that. I considered these options to be pretty stupid because I think how humans work is very contradicting/different and just reading one sentence of a conversation and deducing shit. This isn't how it works. The irony is. When I am emotionally involved in a social interactions I lose the ability to tolerate this ambguity fully. But I think my explanation of this makes me a somewhat self-aware patient suffering from psychoses/presumably autism.
Maybe the introspection had some purpose today though. I tried to contemplate which descriptions of my mind make it easier for a therapist to make the right deductions about my thinking and conditions.
I had so many more topics to talk about but I am not feeling well. My sleep is very poor I need a break.
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