Discussion Another day in hell...how are the people who can't push past SI doing?

[zekeyaeger]

SI is keeping me bonded to this hellish realm. Fuck this. Winter only makes shit worse for my ass. Ugh.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

I really wanted to die today, I'm in this stasis where I don't want to do anything because I want to die soon anyways. But then I chicken out. It's exhausting. I'm so tired of living. The thought of failing my ctb method is killing me. Partial Hanging can be fucked up unconsciously I heard and I really don't want to have a possibility of failing my attempt but I can't seem to find any statistics on the success partial hanging. Why do they have to make dying so hard for us? I wish we had those suicide booths from futurama so we didn't have worry about SI or anything, just push the button and enjoy the ride.

 

[zekeyaeger]

I really wanted to die today, I'm in this stasis where I don't want to do anything because I want to die soon anyways. But then I chicken out. It's exhausting. I'm so tired of living. The thought of failing my ctb method is killing me. Partial Hanging can be fucked up unconsciously I heard and I really don't want to have a possibility of failing my attempt but I can't seem to find any statistics on the success partial hanging. Why do they have to make dying so hard for us? I wish we had those suicide booths from futurama so we didn't have worry about SI or anything, just push the button and enjoy the ride.

Yes, those suicide booths would be great tbh. I always chicken out, it sucks.

 

[willow115]

This title is so funny to me. Pretty good, thank you.

How come you don't like winter?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm doing so shitty although, as of right now, I don't think it's the SI that's keeping me here but rather the fear of getting caught and "rescued" whilst I try and drown myself. However, when I get into the actual situation itself, I'd probably be plagued with SI

 

[waterrrrrrrrrbottel]

Ah. bad. but my depression is subsided by my daily activities that i find amusement in. waiting for my sn, then i'll plan from there. unfortunately ill be living to see 2025.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Same , i'm doing horribly . Yes another day in hell

 

[future⩌]

feels like i would chicken out of euthanasia too

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Same , i'm doing horribly . Yes another day in hell

I'm sorry for your suffering. I hope you find peace soon away from this hellish world

 

[dontwakemeup]

I been in bed for 3 days, barely eating and drinking. I decided to go out and get some groceries. While going up my stairs at home I passed out. I don't know long I was out. I woke up with groceries all over my steps. I made it up the stairs and climbed in bed. My heart rate was high and I'm so thirsty it literally hurts to swallow. I drank some water and took my medicine.
After 3 days in bed. I just want to shower and change my sheets and go back to bed.
I tried, it didn't go well. I'll try tomorrow.

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

It's sooo bad. I just want the suffering to be over. Why is killing myself so hard

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Joining the horrible contingent.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I been in bed for 3 days, barely eating and drinking. I decided to go out and get some groceries. While going up my stairs at home I passed out. I don't know long I was out. I woke up with groceries all over my steps. I made it up the stairs and climbed in bed. My heart rate was high and I'm so thirsty it literally hurts to swallow. I drank some water and took my medicine.
After 3 days in bed. I just want to shower and change my sheets and go back to bed.
I tried, it didn't go well. I'll try tomorrow.

You're not alone. I am mostly bedridden due to my depression as well. I want to die but I'm scared and too depressed to make a plan.

 

[dontwakemeup]

You're not alone. I am mostly bedridden due to my depression as well. I want to die but I'm scared and too depressed to make a plan.

I'm sorry you feel like this. It's an awful feeling. Things that help me is watching funny videos or a good movie. I also try crocheting, its very relaxing. I have chronic pain, so if my pain is terrible that day, I turn my phone on silent and just cry and wait for my pain medicine to kick in.

I hope you can find something or ways to help you too. But nope, you're not alone.

 

[shrizoid]

Still fluctuating moods on the daily as per usual

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I've been rotting in bed for weeks except for a couple of errands. I took a bath at one point, but not even that brought any relief. My ability to experience anything other than intense sadness and utter despair has vanished. I'm pretty sure my soul is dead already, now I'm just waiting for my body to catch up.

I desperately wanted to CTB by now. I was close to having everything ready, but the timing just didn't work out. I have family and can't ruin holidays, so now I have to hang on for another few weeks. It's agony, every day feels harder than the last. The cold weather makes me miserable and the holidays are painful, there's nothing happy about this time of year for me.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I'm really up and down. I'm worried about what's going to happen. I'm on medication for depression/anxiety, but it's new and a bad side effect is that it makes my anxiety much worse to the point I want to ctb. I was feeling better today during the day, but a couple of things happened to freak me out a little and so tonight I'm anxious again. I don't have a lot of enjoyment in life anyway, and this anxiety is downright painful. I don't have a good way to ctb and I have a pretty strong SI, so I've stopped taking care of myself hoping I'll get sick and die. If anyone knows a good way to to get a fatal disease let me know!

 

[hereornot]

I found a way to get past the SI, at least it works for me. But I don't feel like repeating it, I'll try to make the most of the effect from last time.

 

[Yonlux]

I found a way to get past the SI, at least it works for me. But I don't feel like repeating it, I'll try to make the most of the effect from last time.

How?

 

[hereornot]

How?

Doing bad things, things that are bad for me, or things that are repulsive, to feel guilty and deserve death. It's hard to explain, but it has worked. It makes you want to kill yourself and I believe that when the time comes, all you need to do is remember. Beforehand, it already works a lot and invalidates any contrary thoughts.

This is not advice; on the contrary, I don't recommend it. But everyone is free to seek what they need to get there.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Been struggling with the same thing past few years. My quality of life keeps getting worse as does my mental health. I no longer have a "reason" to keep going, yet here I am typing this. Fucking exhausting is what it truly is. Just wish I could summon the bravery to finally solve all my problems by CTBing, but it's so much harder than I thought....

 

[J&L383]

SI is keeping me bonded to this hellish realm. Fuck this. Winter only makes shit worse for my ass. Ugh.

Winter is so tough for me, too.