Am i a coward?

[Long Live Me !]

Maybe i'm just not brave enough to kill myself, or maybe it's because i believe in God, it's been months since i started cutting myself to "feel better" like the others do, but it's never as deep as the ones i see on internet (yeah that sounds ridiculous ik)

sometimes i'm jealous of people that have big issues in their life, at least they have a reason to feel that way, my life is shit, my grades are shit, my family is shit, and i just KNOW i don't have any future. Yesterday, my brother yelled at me and kept repeating like crazy that i was shit over and over, that he should kill me, or leave me on the road, at least he didn't beat the crap out of me like he did when i was little, then, when he was done, he came back to me and said "i'm just worried abt you, but you know i love you" etc, then tried to hug me but i left cuz wdym he thought it would fix all the shit he made me go through since I was a child? For now, idk what's going to happen but he for sure will never talk to me again

I just hope to get run over by a truck or something by accident so i can still go to heaven, i can't even cut myself properly it's pathetic, i feel like i don't suffer enough.

 

[Jadeith]

Am i a coward?

No. Not killing yourself, not cutting deep IS NOT a sign of cowardice. Suicide is an option, a choice you might make at some point but definitely it is not a race, competition, a trend you need to follow or virtue signal. And it needs to be well thought through before attempting as there are several ways to do it but no known way to return once it is successfully performed.

kept repeating like crazy that i was shit

Are you? Can you objectively prove it to me that you're shit? Because if not, don't give flying intercourse what others (your "bro" included) say about you. And no, shitty grades or shitty family do not prove you being shit. Not everyone needs to be a genius. Remember, there's only one first place and a fuckton of competitors. Besides, today's education is shit in general so even if you are really retarded, bad grades are only partially your fault, if at all. And family? You don't get to choose them, you didn't ask to be born into them so you carry no blame for them being shit.