Venting Am I a bad influence?

[Someplace_nice]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm bad for his mental health. It seems like I bring him down a lot, he says otherwise but all I see is him getting frustrated or upset at me for something that I did or said. I've told him that if he wants to stay until he finds someone else than that'd be fine but he keeps insisting on staying, sometimes I wish he would find someone else, just so I could CTB. I want to be free of pain and stress but I can't until he dies, we even have the understanding that if we break up we are gonna CTB. I've been said all day and he's been tired so there hasn't been much fun for anyone today, tho every time he starts to feel better I gotta bring him down for some reason. I want love but at the same time he needs to play some games to relax, I have just been feeling lonely all day and at lunch he said that he would cuddle me but all I got was his hand on mine and him leaning his head on my shoulder. I have the urge to cry but nothing is coming out, I can't SH nor CTB so I'm stuck in a loneliness in our room by myself. I don't have friends who talk to me nor family to go see when I'm lonely, I am isolated and purely alone. I'm so tired of being alone and not feeling like I can go outside, I just want a friend to hang out with. I don't want to be alone anymore I want human interaction. That's too much to ask for tho, I have a husband so I should be happy with that, I'm so lucky the universe hasn't decided to take him away like everyone else. It even took away my one friend that I knew since I was young the one who always came back, the universe drive him to suicide so now I don't have my best friend anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore.

 

[ForsakenEcho]

I can't say for sure whether you're a bad influence or not, but I can share the perspective of someone who's been on the other side of a similar situation (not exactly the same, but from my point of view, it feels close).

My last partner had BPD (among other things), and our relationship was quite turbulent. She was always very honest with me about her diagnoses, and I decided I was willing to dive in anyway.

To be honest, I didn't know much about BPD at the time, and a lot of the episodes left me feeling really stressed, scared, and deeply worried about her well-being. Breaking up was something she would often suggest after some of the more serious episodes, but I always insisted on staying. I loved her very much, and I didn't want to give up on what we had, you know?

It was definitely hard for me, but sometimes we try to hold on for the people we care about.