All i can think about is wanting to die

[StrawberryRed]

I feel like a broken down version of myself. The only trait I have is my ideation, like I'm half a person. All I can think about is how bad I want to die. When I'm home by myself im consumed by thoughts of how easy it would be to hang myself, or stab myself or how long the bus ride would be to the nearest bridge. Checking the time to see if I still have enough, like compulsively. I know logically that I cant kill myself right now but the thoughts still eat at me. It hard for me to even maintain simple conversation or act normally because it's all I can think about. At worse times it gets so bad, it like hurts to breath, to walk to exist. I like physically cant move. I dont know how I'm supposed to live like this. Idk man, if this continues I'm going to have to move my date up. I seriously cant handle it for longer.

 

[ropeburns&migranes]

I have the same problem. I can't concentrate on studying or maintaining friendships or even live any semblance of a life, it's gotten to the point where I can no longer attend college. It's like a cycle, all I think about is killing myself which gets in the way of my life, making my quality of life worse which makes me want to kill myself more which in turn makes me think about killing myself more.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand finding it painful to exist, all I personally hope for is to not exist as well, for me wanting to die really is all I know. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[livingonlytodie]

I feel like a broken down version of myself. The only trait I have is my ideation, like I'm half a person. All I can think about is how bad I want to die. When I'm home by myself im consumed by thoughts of how easy it would be to hang myself, or stab myself or how long the bus ride would be to the nearest bridge. Checking the time to see if I still have enough, like compulsively. I know logically that I cant kill myself right now but the thoughts still eat at me. It hard for me to even maintain simple conversation or act normally because it's all I can think about. At worse times it gets so bad, it like hurts to breath, to walk to exist. I like physically cant move. I dont know how I'm supposed to live like this. Idk man, if this continues I'm going to have to move my date up. I seriously cant handle it for longer.

Same here. I often feel like a ghost who already died but because of unfinished business I can't pass on.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

This is my life as well. As soon as I wake up, to going back to bed, it floods my thoughts all day non stop. I know my method and back up method, it'll probably be around April to May by the time I ctb.

 

[strangelife]

I we got wonderful 6 month of life and my illness came back, now I am in physical pain in hospital and all I think about is death, I dream to sleep and never wake up.

 

[human909]

I also think to catch the bus often, maybe not as much as you guys do but i do wish every day that something bad would happen to me on accident so i don't have to make my family think i did suicide. I sometimes think of just grabbing a knife and stabbing myself right there but my SI thoughts get me everytime and it sucks.