Aging isn't that bad

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

If you're anything like me, you probably didn't think you would get this far. I was destined to die at 17, then at 21, then at 25, then at 30, and then at 35. I will be 37 in a month or so and I have finally accepted that I'm not dying any time soon (most likely). We all grow up with preconceived notions of what growing up and growing older means. Women in particular are taught that over the age of 30 (give or take), we've exceeded our shelf life. It's not uncommon for me to skim the forums here and see young people say they want to ctb before the age of 25. And they may very well have their own reasons for feeling that way. But I would like to offer another perspective.

I've officially exceeded my shelf life. I am much closer to 40 than I am to 20. My body is showing signs of wear and tear, no sense denying that. Some days, I'm crushing it. Other days I'm driving a Ford Pinto (IYKYK). My main beef with my body is that random aches and pains show up for no reason. I don't tolerate heat as well as I used to, and I have a lot more GI symptoms. None of this makes for a good time.

But here are the positives.

I look pretty good. I don't use Botox or fillers or anything like that (but it's okay if you do!)
I'm much less shy about trying things that I've never tried or that I'm not good at. If I never make the effort, I'll never be good.
My thinking is a lot clearer and my imagination has never been better.
I've more or less abandoned the idea that life has a timeline. I mean, if you want to get pregnant, you should probably do that before 35, but a healthy, natural pregnancy is still possible until menopause. Other than that, go become a doctor and buy a house in your 60s. It's your life.

Even the physical drawbacks can be worked around. Being in decent shape in general, OTC medications, etc all make a big difference. And ultimately, we all have limits and you need to know yours. Another benefit of getting older. Recognizing your limits and standing up for your needs gets a lot easier.

Of course, I haven't hit menopause yet. That might make this entire post a moot point. I guess I'll find out in about 5-10 years. Meanwhile, I'm off to travel!

 

[bagel12]

If you're anything like me, you probably didn't think you would get this far. I was destined to die at 17, then at 21, then at 25, then at 30, and then at 35. I will be 37 in a month or so and I have finally accepted that I'm not dying any time soon (most likely). We all grow up with preconceived notions of what growing up and growing older means. Women in particular are taught that over the age of 30 (give or take), we've exceeded our shelf life. It's not uncommon for me to skim the forums here and see young people say they want to ctb before the age of 25. And they may very well have their own reasons for feeling that way. But I would like to offer another perspective.

I've officially exceeded my shelf life. I am much closer to 40 than I am to 20. My body is showing signs of wear and tear, no sense denying that. Some days, I'm crushing it. Other days I'm driving a Ford Pinto (IYKYK). My main beef with my body is that random aches and pains show up for no reason. I don't tolerate heat as well as I used to, and I have a lot more GI symptoms. None of this makes for a good time.

But here are the positives.

I look pretty good. I don't use Botox or fillers or anything like that (but it's okay if you do!)
I'm much less shy about trying things that I've never tried or that I'm not good at. If I never make the effort, I'll never be good.
My thinking is a lot clearer and my imagination has never been better.
I've more or less abandoned the idea that life has a timeline. I mean, if you want to get pregnant, you should probably do that before 35, but a healthy, natural pregnancy is still possible until menopause. Other than that, go become a doctor and buy a house in your 60s. It's your life.

Even the physical drawbacks can be worked around. Being in decent shape in general, OTC medications, etc all make a big difference. And ultimately, we all have limits and you need to know yours. Another benefit of getting older. Recognizing your limits and standing up for your needs gets a lot easier.

Of course, I haven't hit menopause yet. That might make this entire post a moot point. I guess I'll find out in about 5-10 years. Meanwhile, I'm off to travel!

thank you so much for your perspective i always appreciate advice from people who have lived longer than me. in general, the people i talk to who are older than me seem to be more confident, content, and wise than most people my age. i really admire that. it makes me hope that if i can stick it out a while longer, maybe my mind and emotions will eventually settle. plus i'd be able to enjoy more money lol.

if it's ok for me to ask (it's completely ok if you don't answer), what brings you a sense of meaning in life? and how do you navigate all of life's tasks? i can do some things very well. but when it comes to the practical life tasks needed to stay alive, fed, and housed, i get overwhelmed. it is a lot of complicated and unintuitive things to juggle, and i already struggle with basic things like remembering to eat or sleep.

i'm glad that you're traveling, have fun!

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

thank you so much for your perspective i always appreciate advice from people who have lived longer than me. in general, the people i talk to who are older than me seem to be more confident, content, and wise than most people my age. i really admire that. it makes me hope that if i can stick it out a while longer, maybe my mind and emotions will eventually settle. plus i'd be able to enjoy more money lol.

if it's ok for me to ask (it's completely ok if you don't answer), what brings you a sense of meaning in life? and how do you navigate all of life's tasks? i can do some things very well. but when it comes to the practical life tasks needed to stay alive, fed, and housed, i get overwhelmed. it is a lot of complicated and unintuitive things to juggle, and i already struggle with basic things like remembering to eat or sleep.

i'm glad that you're traveling, have fun!

I'm so excited to answer this! But I just got off the overnight and I need to nap first

But yes, stick it out. One of the two things will happen. Life with either suck less. Or life will suck just as much, but your ability to deal with the BS and enjoy life gets way better.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

thank you so much for your perspective i always appreciate advice from people who have lived longer than me. in general, the people i talk to who are older than me seem to be more confident, content, and wise than most people my age. i really admire that. it makes me hope that if i can stick it out a while longer, maybe my mind and emotions will eventually settle. plus i'd be able to enjoy more money lol.

if it's ok for me to ask (it's completely ok if you don't answer), what brings you a sense of meaning in life? and how do you navigate all of life's tasks? i can do some things very well. but when it comes to the practical life tasks needed to stay alive, fed, and housed, i get overwhelmed. it is a lot of complicated and unintuitive things to juggle, and i already struggle with basic things like remembering to eat or sleep.

i'm glad that you're traveling, have fun!

Okay, so...context. I juggle three jobs, I have two kitties, including a special needs senior kitty. I care for my parents part-time and I do gymnastics. Plus I have a chronic illness. How did I do it all?

Often I don't. I neglect things for months until they hit crisis level. Or even better, I turn a situation that's no big deal and make it a crisis. I wouldn't be on a site like this if I had it all together, after all. So the best way to describe my approach to life is harm reduction. I take care of the most important stuff first and I don't try to do too much at once. I utilize my therapist, my lawyer, anyone and everyone that can help. I have FMLA at work. And I get really creative with my problem solving.

Here's the most important part. I don't stop basic self care, and I don't stop doing fun things just because I screwed up and I'm having a hard time. And again, with my condition, self-care doesn't always happen. I can go months without taking out the trash or brushing my teeth. So when I'm well, I make a list of the most important self care stuff to do when I'm just barely making it. Can't shower every other day? Shower twice a week and use dry shampoos. Always take medication as prescribed. Brush teeth once a day if you can't do it twice. Things like that.

And since I'm constantly on the go, I even packed a bag with every supply you can think of. All my medications are in their own bag in the car. All of my self care products-deodorant, toothbrush, etc-have their own bag in the car. My supplies are always with me so I am never trapped. It DOES however give me an excuse to collect backpacks, accessories, etc. I love journaling. I do my budget once a week. I love writing down checklists. I have a collection of my favorite journals and pens. I even have stickers. I try to make this fun.

As far as fun, I can't encourage everyone to do this, but I have been known to take my last $50 for the week and spend it on a gymnastics class. By the end of that class, whatever problems I have, I will have a plan of action and tons of confidence to take it on. Last year, I had to rent a car and they wouldn't accept my form of payment. I took an Uber to the rental place so I was pretty much stranded and had no other money but the form of payment they refused to take. So I stood there about to go apeshit until I had an idea. I'm getting my hair cut and I'm getting it cut flapper style. Me crashing out and refusing to do good things for myself won't force this rental place to take my credit card, so I may as well get my hair done and chill out while I think it through. Lol and behold, I solved my problem with my head in the sink and I had a rental car by noon. And got lots of compliments. Unlike a lot of people in our culture, I don't see fun and a sense of identity as luxuries to aspire to, but necessities in the here and now.

Last piece of advice. No amount of thinking or planning is a substitute for doing. Sometimes you have to stop thinking, close the journal, and just trust that you know what you're doing. And just do it. You will either succeed...and you will have a funny story after.

I get my sense of purpose from my spiritual beliefs, like a lot of people, but I also get a sense of purpose from learning more about those beliefs and forming new ones. I see my purpose in my relationship with others, person and animal. I even see purpose in a relationship with myself. I want to get to know this person and give her a chance and no one else can do that but me. Any time I can do an act of service in this world, I get purpose from that, whether it's at my job or a stranger on the other side of the world. My purpose is to exist and to experience this planet. It's a big and beautiful planet and I want to explore it. Sometimes, I even view spite as my purpose. I'm not about to die while other truly evil people get to live long lives. Hell no.

I guess I'll stop there. I don't want to overwhelm you, but feel free to message me with any questions or concerns you have. Chances are, I've seen it, heard it, or done it.

PS I went to a powwow last weekend and I'm going to gymnastics camp this weekend. I want to hit a museum, the White Mountains, and some beaches during the summer. Then I'm going to Salem for Halloween.