A Miracle?

[Thia]

My mental health was deteriorating. I was on the verge of suicide. I finally had a breakdown this week. Someone whom I was talking to on this site probably killed himself right around the same time. Since then, I spent some time doing absolutely nothing. I couldn't do anything. My thoughts were a mess. It took a while for me to be able to get up.

Now?

I am still not happy per se, but I don't feel suicidal or even depressed right now. It is a nice feeling.
Though I do feel anxious at times, not knowing what is going to happen next.

I don't know if this state of relative normalcy would continue, or for how long. Maybe I would get better for real. Or maybe I would relapse and finally take my own life.

But please know that it does get better sometimes--even if you feel that you would never feel better again.

And may Reuthry rest in peace and suffer no more. I wish I could have done more for him. He didn't deserve the things he went through, and I still believe that he wouldn't have taken the decision to kill himself had he lived a better life in a kinder environment.

 

[mortuarymary]

Sometimes we need these breakdowns. I have one every few years and major one this summer. It's changed my life. It's good. I still suffer but I'm still here for now.

 

[carac]

You shouldn't beat yourself up about what you could have done. While it's probaby true that they would still be alive if they had a kinder environment, it was out of your control, you did all you could.
Try not to worry other things that haven't happened yet, I honestly believe that bad thoughts can manifest as actuall consequences, if you worry about something enough it will eventually happen.
And yes for many, things can get better.

 

[Linda]

A crisis quite often leads to major change, either for better or worse. Sounds like in your case it's the former. Let's hope that the improvement is long lasting, even permanent. Good luck.