Discussion A message to people still living with parents

[maxoffline]

You're not a failure.
Multi generational houses are fairly common now. And they're honestly great for everyone involved!
Rent is insane and buying a house usually means saving for months and months, so if you're living with your parents, you can help out with rent!
Even if you don't have a job, you can still help out around the house (especially if your parents are old/disabled)
You aren't a burden or a bother.
You aren't an "Adult baby"
You still deserve to be here.
Feel free to use this post as a vent section.
You deserve to be here.

 

[AntiqueCell]

Well said

 

[AntHills]

One of my biggest insecurities is that I'm a grown man and I don't have my own place anymore. It has been reinforced pretty heavily by the way women react when they find out I live with family. Being a man and not having your own apartment at the very least is basically an admission that you are less valuable in terms of a relationship than men that do. Back when I had my own place I had female company on a pretty regular basis. I'm trying to save up enough money to get another apartment but I have so many financial obstacles standing in my way that it seems impossible.

 

[James34]

I hate my parents and they hate me despite acting like they love and care for me. My dad especially hates my guts. If and when I get my own place I am just doing total radio silence and never communicating with them again (oh wow so brave, what if you need money you're screwed hahaha! You don't mean that.). Well I have no love for them and I wish I had a way of control over my life again. I can't get anything to ctb and the SN I bought from Amazon was the crappy curing salt and not the 99% pure stuff, I want the real stuff so I am in control and make my own decisions.

 

[Ligand]

Who actually believes this? Living with your parents as an adult is horrible and is generally a great indication of "failure to launch." If you live with your parents as an adult, normal people will think less of you.

Living independently is probably one of the best things you can do for your mental health and overall development as a person.

 

[fadid]

Who actually believes this? Living with your parents as an adult is horrible and is generally a great indication of "failure to launch." If you live with your parents as an adult, normal people will think less of you.

Living independently is probably one of the best things you can do for your mental health and overall development as a person.

Maybe, but you have to realize that not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to do that. There should be no shame in living with your parents into adulthood.

This comes from someone who lost their parents before 18, I've been living alone for about a year now..

 

[NumbItAll]

 

[Agon321]

I don't understand why this would be a shame. Of course, it's nice to live alone, but it's not always possible. I even think that people who live with their parents in a single-family house may have more comforts than people who live in small "cages". Unfortunately, many people have to live in such conditions.

 

[Ligand]

Maybe, but you have to realize that not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to do that. There should be no shame in living with your parents into adulthood.

This comes from someone who lost their parents before 18, I've been living alone for about a year now..

I'm aware that some people don't have the resources to live alone, and I agree that there shouldn't be a stigma - I was replying to the main point made by the OP. That being said, telling most of the people on this forum they can be just as happy living with their parents forever is a blatant lie and this post was only serving as a hugbox.

I'm sorry to hear you lost your parents so young.

 

[borderline-feline]

I'm one of the unfortunate ones who can't move out due to disability. I can't work or drive, so I'm screwed in terms of ever having independence. I wish I could move out, but that's never gonna happen.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

A parent here, I miss having my son around, he lives 3 hours away, I can't drive and public transport here is extremely expensive and unreliable. Ofcourse I'm glad he has his own place and life now, but I do miss our talks.

In this day in age kids stay home longer, a place is very hard to come by. Rents are insane, and most young people can't buy ( yet)

If the parents have room for it maybe a little garden house could be an option?

I myself still dream of living in a big house with friends, especially now I'm getting older..

Anyway nothing to be ashamed of, but I understand it's not exactly fun to still live with mom and dad at 35

 

[Decided98]

Thank you I really needed to hear this 25 still living at home :(

 

[natthebrat]

I agree that multigenerational households should be normalized, that living with others/family isn't something that should be stigmatized by society. However for me specifically, my girlfriend and I, both trans women, are currently living with my parents, and aside from the usual downsides of my parents getting on our nerves sometimes and the embarrassment when I meet new people and it comes up, living with them means staying in a red state sure to ban gender affirming care within the next 1-3 years, and there's no way they'll move to a blue state just for us, nor would it really be fair for us to expect them to. We want to move up to Michigan, however my autism and severe social anxiety make it near impossible for me to even find full-time employment of any kind where I am now, let alone a job that would actually be bearable and located far away. Meanwhile, she makes a lot more than I do, however she also has huge student loan payments so she's able to use hardly any of her income. I just have to keep trying, and to hope for the best and prepare for the worst, I guess.

 

[shojoushawty]

Thank you.

 

[MeltingBrain]

You're not a failure.
Multi generational houses are fairly common now. And they're honestly great for everyone involved!
Rent is insane and buying a house usually means saving for months and months, so if you're living with your parents, you can help out with rent!
Even if you don't have a job, you can still help out around the house (especially if your parents are old/disabled)
You aren't a burden or a bother.
You aren't an "Adult baby"
You still deserve to be here.
Feel free to use this post as a vent section.
You deserve to be here.

I appreciate your sentiment but I feel like a total leech for not paying any rent . Nobody likes a leech . If a leech grabs on to me in a forest . I will pull it off so it stops sucking blood , toss it aside and step on it . I wish people hated me so it will be easier to CTB .

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I appreciate your sentiment but I feel like a total leech for not paying any rent . Nobody likes a leech . If a leech grabs on to me in a forest . I will pull it off so it stops sucking blood , toss it aside and step on it . I wish people hated me so it will be easier to CTB .

Then do something else? Offer to cook or clean? Help drag the groceries? Do garden stuff?

I've never seen a leech with a shovel

 

[rainseahorse]

I don't have a great relationship with my parents, but I'm deeply jealous of people who do. I think that if you can, it would be an excellent financial decision to save up while living with your parents. You can wait until there's a chance to snatch a low interest rate mortgage and start the rest of your life at ease. There's the idea of a leech living off parental expenses, but if you think that's you then do your best to take care of simple things like chores, and work towards getting money somehow. On the other hand, I've seen those who move out immediately for that freedom of partying and being financially irresponsible and just landing themselves in debt. So there's multiple variations for both scenarios.

 

[chloramine]

Thank you. I wasn't really sure where you were going to go with this based off the title and parents are a bit of a touchy subject for me (I don't have a great relationship with either of mine). It was nice to read even if I wouldn't really believe it if I allowed myself to examine the idea. I appreciate you saying it and I agree with the sentiment for others.

 

[Lys_C15H25N3O_d3]

my parents evicted me outta home when i had those parasomnia episodes , waking up screaming swearing etc

to wake up with cops tazing you twice, tagging and bagging into an ambulance.. of course it was the neighborhood event for the week
hhahaha its really sad to realize whatever parents i have left would rather see "the sick one" in a mental hospital "coz its good for you , you need help"

yeah, sure, like.. don't call the cops when your son just arrived from hospital and is having PTSD "freddy krueger-like"symptoms ? hehehe love knows best what to do and what not to

miss having clean laundry, food, and... well, mommmyy... trying not to think how many days will it take to "find me" hahaha =x

 

[Chili]

Who actually believes this? Living with your parents as an adult is horrible and is generally a great indication of "failure to launch." If you live with your parents as an adult, normal people will think less of you.

Living independently is probably one of the best things you can do for your mental health and overall development as a person.

i don't have a great relationship with my parents, but the only way i could humanly afford to move out is to move in with someone else. I barely make enough money to pay for my school and food, and even then i have to pull around 48-56 hours a week while busting my ass with full time classes. living independently is fucking amazing (which i don't, because I have 5 roommates but once upon a time i took out a loan for a dorm) but its just not feasible for some adults and if you guys have parents you like then all the power to you. just treat them nice and show you appreciate them because its also hard to pull another adult's weight. or pay some rent or smth idfk do dishes

 

[Is0lated]

You're not a failure.
Multi generational houses are fairly common now. And they're honestly great for everyone involved!
Rent is insane and buying a house usually means saving for months and months, so if you're living with your parents, you can help out with rent!
Even if you don't have a job, you can still help out around the house (especially if your parents are old/disabled)
You aren't a burden or a bother.
You aren't an "Adult baby"
You still deserve to be here.
Feel free to use this post as a vent section.
You deserve to be here.

I am not willingly living with them, but around here female's can't move from their parents house unless they're going to get married. And I don't plan on getting married anytime soon

 

[MeltingBrain]

Then do something else? Offer to cook or clean? Help drag the groceries? Do garden stuff?

I've never seen a leech with a shovel

I do groceries every now and then but my physical ailment makes everything harder .

 

[leloyon]

I hate my family more than anyone else. If housing was remotely affordable here, I would get out ASAP.

 

[Celerity]

I agree with others on here that multigenerational homes should be normalized. I know a lot of people living in shitholes because they can't live with their parents. Rent climbs month after month in my area. The offers my parents are getting for the house are insane. I don't see the old fashioned idea of one nuclear family per home surviving another decade - for better or for worse.

With the painful, protracted decline of my grandmother, I have also seen firsthand how important it is to have family nearby in the last stages of life. Her nursing home stints were awful. They are warehouses for the dead and nothing more. It is a blessing that she was able to keep her home. My dad and uncles took turns taking care of her there. She had some earlier falls that also could have been prevented had she lived with someone instead of alone.