lostmeaning
Member
- May 25, 2023
- 39
After waiting since 12 years old to be able to do it, within about a week I should (hopefully..) have my method.
Likely due to the job I just left after being bullied/harassed for almost a year and a half, I developed chronic daily headache (includes migraine-like symptoms) a year ago. I also had a rear end/whiplash during that time, but it may have been the stress/severe anxiety and depression I had working there.
Started having eye symptoms before that. I've had a headache with varying intensity for 11 months straight, and blurry vision, light sensitivity, runny nose, burning/watering eyes, for 13 months. Also started getting floaters regularly now. The headache has never stopped, I wake up with it, gets worse in school or work, go to sleep with it. I still have it at home all day. Tried dozens of medications, physical therapy, left my job (reducing stress). I can't work like this, I'm going to fail a final I have missed many days due to my migraine/ headache already for school, I should not have tried to do like this.. won't be able to continue school like this after I finish this semester and already ruining my gpa. I'm moving for the 6th time within 3 years back to a (emotionally abusive) parent since I have no choice… who told me I need to be in school if I'm not working much, but I can't. And I know my other parent doesn't take my condition seriously. Neither will give me support me either way so have to figure something out, already maxed out my credit card almost, on track to lose everything.
No doctors can help me and even a neurologist wouldn't try until I go to a psychiatrist (which I am now, no change…), my parents won't support me, disability would take years to fight for I assume, if I got it at all. It's not going away and I can't live like this.
Everything up until now has been horrible too. Emotionally abusive parent and dysfunctional family, suicidal my whole childhood/life. Moved out at 18 in high school and had to leave my job the day after due to being sexually assaulted by a coworker at 17. Which led me into an indescribable state of confusion and like living in hell every day, I knew I couldn't live like that and just this painful confusion I know might not make sense to other people, but that's all I can describe it as. It took years for that to go away, I never thought it would. Maybe because I have even more issues now to drown that out. After more moving and bad events I'm now here. Just an endless loop of suffering and now to a point I physically can't continue.
The only thing I have to live for is someone I've been talking to online for 2 years that I love, and supposed to meet in 2 months. But what's the point if we can't be together for years until I can move there. And moving anywhere is a big risk when I can't even support myself anymore. They know how I'm feeling and they know my method, but like everyone nobody will take it seriously until it happens. Or just pretend they care after, since that's the politically correct thing to pretend you care as the very same people that knew and contributed to it.
Probably a lot of rambling.. yeah that's all I guess..
Likely due to the job I just left after being bullied/harassed for almost a year and a half, I developed chronic daily headache (includes migraine-like symptoms) a year ago. I also had a rear end/whiplash during that time, but it may have been the stress/severe anxiety and depression I had working there.
Started having eye symptoms before that. I've had a headache with varying intensity for 11 months straight, and blurry vision, light sensitivity, runny nose, burning/watering eyes, for 13 months. Also started getting floaters regularly now. The headache has never stopped, I wake up with it, gets worse in school or work, go to sleep with it. I still have it at home all day. Tried dozens of medications, physical therapy, left my job (reducing stress). I can't work like this, I'm going to fail a final I have missed many days due to my migraine/ headache already for school, I should not have tried to do like this.. won't be able to continue school like this after I finish this semester and already ruining my gpa. I'm moving for the 6th time within 3 years back to a (emotionally abusive) parent since I have no choice… who told me I need to be in school if I'm not working much, but I can't. And I know my other parent doesn't take my condition seriously. Neither will give me support me either way so have to figure something out, already maxed out my credit card almost, on track to lose everything.
No doctors can help me and even a neurologist wouldn't try until I go to a psychiatrist (which I am now, no change…), my parents won't support me, disability would take years to fight for I assume, if I got it at all. It's not going away and I can't live like this.
Everything up until now has been horrible too. Emotionally abusive parent and dysfunctional family, suicidal my whole childhood/life. Moved out at 18 in high school and had to leave my job the day after due to being sexually assaulted by a coworker at 17. Which led me into an indescribable state of confusion and like living in hell every day, I knew I couldn't live like that and just this painful confusion I know might not make sense to other people, but that's all I can describe it as. It took years for that to go away, I never thought it would. Maybe because I have even more issues now to drown that out. After more moving and bad events I'm now here. Just an endless loop of suffering and now to a point I physically can't continue.
The only thing I have to live for is someone I've been talking to online for 2 years that I love, and supposed to meet in 2 months. But what's the point if we can't be together for years until I can move there. And moving anywhere is a big risk when I can't even support myself anymore. They know how I'm feeling and they know my method, but like everyone nobody will take it seriously until it happens. Or just pretend they care after, since that's the politically correct thing to pretend you care as the very same people that knew and contributed to it.
Probably a lot of rambling.. yeah that's all I guess..
