N
nutshelf
Member
- Nov 25, 2024
- 5
Hello. This is my first time posting after lurking without an account for the past 2 or so years :)
I think it's time I accepted help.
I have been suicidal since a very young age. My first attempt was at 9. Many factors have contributed to this and I have done a LOT of inner work. That inner work has brought many beautiful things to me, but I still cannot let go of the thought of CTB. Currently, I'm in an incredibly hard and rough patch of my life and it feels like whatever I do, these rough patches are NEVER DONE. I have terrible money issues because a. I am unable to get a job since I'm an avid job hopper and dont have any real education, and b. I am unable to keep a job since every time i do get a job and start off, after 3 months, i am so incredibly tired and it ends with me realizing that i cannot take care of myself and then obviously quitting. My partner is currently taking care of me but he is also working a soulless job that makes him consider rather being homeless.
I have always thought I would die by the age of 16. I am now a few years older than that, and I genuinely have no clue what I am supposed to do with myself.
I'm incapable of going back to school because it costs money, I am incapable of working for longer than 4 months and the only support i have is my partner. There is so many things piling up against me. So many things that make me just want to quit everything. So many things I can't solve.
How do I, even through incredibly rough times, stay afloat?
Is there a life after being suicidal?
Or is this it?
I think it's time I accepted help.
I have been suicidal since a very young age. My first attempt was at 9. Many factors have contributed to this and I have done a LOT of inner work. That inner work has brought many beautiful things to me, but I still cannot let go of the thought of CTB. Currently, I'm in an incredibly hard and rough patch of my life and it feels like whatever I do, these rough patches are NEVER DONE. I have terrible money issues because a. I am unable to get a job since I'm an avid job hopper and dont have any real education, and b. I am unable to keep a job since every time i do get a job and start off, after 3 months, i am so incredibly tired and it ends with me realizing that i cannot take care of myself and then obviously quitting. My partner is currently taking care of me but he is also working a soulless job that makes him consider rather being homeless.
I have always thought I would die by the age of 16. I am now a few years older than that, and I genuinely have no clue what I am supposed to do with myself.
I'm incapable of going back to school because it costs money, I am incapable of working for longer than 4 months and the only support i have is my partner. There is so many things piling up against me. So many things that make me just want to quit everything. So many things I can't solve.
How do I, even through incredibly rough times, stay afloat?
Is there a life after being suicidal?
Or is this it?