It's no secret that psych wards suck, but lately I have nonetheless found myself longing to go back to the second one I went to. I'm so bad at taking care of myself. I just miss not having to worry about anything. They came and got me when it was time to take my meds, fed me healthy food, and made sure I didn't hurt myself. Caring for myself came easy when there were no other concerns, and I could consistently shower, brush my teeth, etc. No one got angry at me, no one expected anything of me. Things were simple, and by the time I got out I didn't want to hurt myself anymore. But, like it always does, the not so simple world took its toll, and I'm back where I started: not sleeping, not bathing, not taking my meds, missing work, and on a financial cliff edge. It feels like the world was designed for an entirely different species and I have no idea how to survive in it. If it were up to me, and if there were more to do than play cards, I would spend the rest of my life in that hospital. idk. just rambling because I've been thinking a lot about catching the bus lately. Does anyone else feel similarly?
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Ash
Wizard
- Oct 4, 2021
- 685
I often feel the same. I wasn't on a great ward but I know I benefitted from having people to talk to, not having to pretend that everything was fine, no responsibilities like making sure there's enough milk and bread, immediate access to medical assistance after finding ways to SH and added bonus, no hanging around waiting for the crisis team! Mind you, I don't miss what passed for food, the sight of Big E's hairy arse crack as his filthy PJ bottoms kept slipping down, or the plastic mattress, duvet and pillow.
Yes: one of my diagnoses is BPD and apparently I'm not the only one who prefers the stability of the psych ward.
It was the exact same for me. Without the stress of feeding myself, taking my meds at the same time, without having to clean much except make my bed and organise my writing table, life gets a lot easier for me.
I started to keep up with hygiene, I started to socialise, I read several books, I soloed DBT therapy thanks to a nurse printing out resources (I still worked with a clinic for years after discharge), I practiced playing piano to the point where the nurses would make comments (piano room next to their front desk).
There's a little bit of Patch Adams buried deep inside me. I am very intelligent and compassionate I'm just buried underneath a lot of trauma and day-to-day stress that other people carry like nothing. But I don't wanna keep building coping mechanisms for another couple years so I can start to get an education and a career starting at age 40, that is a difference between myself and Patch.
It was the exact same for me. Without the stress of feeding myself, taking my meds at the same time, without having to clean much except make my bed and organise my writing table, life gets a lot easier for me.
I started to keep up with hygiene, I started to socialise, I read several books, I soloed DBT therapy thanks to a nurse printing out resources (I still worked with a clinic for years after discharge), I practiced playing piano to the point where the nurses would make comments (piano room next to their front desk).
There's a little bit of Patch Adams buried deep inside me. I am very intelligent and compassionate I'm just buried underneath a lot of trauma and day-to-day stress that other people carry like nothing. But I don't wanna keep building coping mechanisms for another couple years so I can start to get an education and a career starting at age 40, that is a difference between myself and Patch.
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