Story a little vent

[ummagumma]

im not sure about anything. im 24, felt depressed since... idk, 16? hard to remember for sure. and for almost all those years i was trying to help myself (or maybe rather ignore the problem). then a 1,5 year ago i decided that nothing is going to change that way and that i want to try to seek professional help. seems like it didnt turn out very well. i visit 2 doctors, psychiatrist and therapist. one for meds, one for therapy (hence the name). and on my last visit to therapist i felt like she doesnt understand me. i know that no one will truly and fully understand other human beeing, and if you want to be understood, you have to keep trying... but there is a limit. and when you hit it, you dont want to try to explain anything to anyone anymore. im devastated, since therapy costs time and money, and if you want to find new therapist, you will have to tell your lifestory again...

my other doctor is cool, but i dont see how she could help me here. since im on max dosage of my antidepressants. if she decides to try new pills, i must stop take my current first, and it will make me feel even worse. i cant go to hospital as well, since i will get fired from my job, and its my only accomplishment. and with record of being hospitalized i wont be able to find work with similar conditions

idk why i wrote this. maybe i want to hear some kind words. maybe i want to hear that not everything is lost and i can still try. maybe i dont want to believe that there is not much i can do

 

[beggarsbelief]

I feel that. That feeling of being lost in the world. I've been in and out of psychologists and psychiatrists offices for as long as I can remember. Some of us Fate just likes to shit on. Mental health diagnoses, etc.. Even trying to understand ourselves is hard enough, let alone getting someone else who can understand us,

The way I see it is: Life is a gift we never asked for. Death will come for you when it will. In between now and the time that death comes for you, all you can do is to distract yourself from the fact that you are, every second, growing one second closer to death. :Make art, watch films, listen to music and read classic novels and learn about the human condition, etc. I have a particular love for novels (The Brothers Karamazov, The Sound And The Fury, and To Kill A Mockingbird are some of my favourites) because I feel like they communicate what it is to be human better than all others. Sorry if that doesn't help, but I hope it does.

 

[ummagumma]

I feel that. That feeling of being lost in the world. I've been in and out of psychologists and psychiatrists offices for as long as I can remember. Some of us Fate just likes to shit on. Mental health diagnoses, etc.. Even trying to understand ourselves is hard enough, let alone getting someone else who can understand us,

The way I see it is: Life is a gift we never asked for. Death will come for you when it will. In between now and the time that death comes for you, all you can do is to distract yourself from the fact that you are, every second, growing one second closer to death. :Make art, watch films, listen to music and read classic novels and learn about the human condition, etc. I have a particular love for novels (The Brothers Karamazov, The Sound And The Fury, and To Kill A Mockingbird are some of my favourites) because I feel like they communicate what it is to be human better than all others. Sorry if that doesn't help, but I hope it does.

thanks for your words, buddy. it means a lot, that someone took time to write something nice and comforting

yeah, its true. death will come eventually to us all. and now we can do whatever we want with our remaining time. do whatever makes us a little bit happier

 

[Mirrory Me]

Sounds terrible. There are perhaps better ways to learn to understand and support yourself. I'm currently reading some book I found at home, which purpose is to "help to open eyes to the truth and reality".

 

[steve021]

It's good that you have a job and looked for help. The problem is that if depressive symptoms are long-lasting despite therapy and medication, there are often few options left. That's why I would recommend that you try to get as much joy as possible from things that are worthwhile for you. Maybe something changes internally that gives you a positive outlook on life?
After the depressive periods I had, I always tried to keep my courage up. Until I finally decided that it won't continue like this. That is why I chose euthanasia.

Maybe watch motivational videos or read books if you have the concentration. Realize that there are always people who have it worse.

good luck

 

[a.fool]

im not sure about anything. im 24, felt depressed since... idk, 16? hard to remember for sure. and for almost all those years i was trying to help myself (or maybe rather ignore the problem). then a 1,5 year ago i decided that nothing is going to change that way and that i want to try to seek professional help. seems like it didnt turn out very well. i visit 2 doctors, psychiatrist and therapist. one for meds, one for therapy (hence the name). and on my last visit to therapist i felt like she doesnt understand me. i know that no one will truly and fully understand other human beeing, and if you want to be understood, you have to keep trying... but there is a limit. and when you hit it, you dont want to try to explain anything to anyone anymore. im devastated, since therapy costs time and money, and if you want to find new therapist, you will have to tell your lifestory again...

my other doctor is cool, but i dont see how she could help me here. since im on max dosage of my antidepressants. if she decides to try new pills, i must stop take my current first, and it will make me feel even worse. i cant go to hospital as well, since i will get fired from my job, and its my only accomplishment. and with record of being hospitalized i wont be able to find work with similar conditions

idk why i wrote this. maybe i want to hear some kind words. maybe i want to hear that not everything is lost and i can still try. maybe i dont want to believe that there is not much i can do

I have heard people say that you should change therapist if the current one doesn't vibe with you or doesn't understand you. I have also heard of the app or website "better help" where they offer therapy and I will recommend you join it if you can afford it. I wanted to join it but I don't have any money for that.
More than taking medication, I'll recommend you to also try meditation and exercising. They will help too.
Also know that you are not alone in this, we care atleast I do!